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Thread: Dorkkeli - Yautja Application

  1. #1
    Senior Moderator Dorkkeli's Avatar
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    Dorkkeli - Yautja Application

    Yautja Whitelist Application
    Byond ID:
    Dorkkeli

    Marine Name
    Bert 'SOAB' Beach

    Name of the Yautja Character you wish to play
    Rau'ta H'chak

    Have you banned in the past month or are currently banned from other servers?
    No.

    Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?
    I have read it several times and consulted Whitelisted Predators regarding it.

    Yautja Character Story
    The serpents are nothing but animals. They do not kill with malice, or for revenge.
    Their driving factor? Survival, the primordial call to breed and expand.

    Humans.. They are much more intricate prey. They will cheat, backstab and sacrifice each other for their own skin. The most crafty and ruthless individuals will rise to the top. The survival of the fittest will weed out the worthy from the worthless, bringing forth the game we all strive to pursue.

    I take great pride in my craft. As a cultivator for the perfect prey.





    The humid climate of the jungle keeps my pets on the edge. No room for comfort or rest. Hardships bring forth the strong and rigid. I am not without mercy, however. The tents that we set up, cover the cages and pens from the seeping sunlight and occasional rainstorms.
    The silence around our encampment is deafening. The screams of our �guests� waned months ago. With cracks of our whips and and punishments with starvation, we taught them to behave.

    I look around.

    Dozens of warriors. Waiting to be unleashed. Waiting to be set free to prove their worth. Waiting for their moment of glory.

    My set eyes on my most prized warrior. A male specimen, from the eastern hemisphere of our most prized planet to hunt on. It stares at me. The accessories it has constructed from the bones of his partners amuse me greatly. It greatly resembles the ferocity he showed me on the date I took it for my collection.

    I remember that night, just like all of my ventures unto Earth.
    Paya had bestowed upon me his blessing, and with the confidence the Gods had given me, I had set on the path.
    The cold, dry climate of my thrall�s homelands made my mask�s vision dull. The weather masked any fluctuations on the temperatures of my surroundings and the prey.
    Yet, I had been able to distinguish my target. It had been hunting the large carnivores native to this area. Hulking beasts of brown fur and ferocity.

    My observations of this individual had shown me that It would become a fine addition to my collection. It had bested the beast, just as I predicted. Exemplary footwork. Mighty strikes with the spear. It was time to go congratulate the winner.

    The distance between us was vast. I approached It slowly. It was looking around, checking It�s surroundings as It was claiming the head of the beast.

    The sound of my cloak phasing out had startled It. No matter. It was too late for it.
    With a swift deflect of It�s spear thrust, I yanked It�s stick from It�s hands and snapped it like a twig. It charged at me like a mad animal. The human was almost two heads shorter than me. But It wasn�t just a mere twig, like the spear It had brandished. The hunter had mass behind It�s punches.

    We grappled for a short moment, the howls of the creatures of the night providing the music for our �dance�. I had grown bored of our wrestling. The punch sent the Human flying great distances. I calmly walk to the unconscious prize and shackle it.



    The end of the year draws closer. My prized gladiator had vanquished all of his opponents I had set up against him. It is time to reward my warrior with the highest honor. To duel me.

    We stand in the sandy pit that we have spend most of our time for the past year of hunting. Blood of the combatants have blessed this battleground with their great sacrifice.

    I give a slow nod. The Human charges at me, with the same ferocity when we met nearly a year ago. It has honed It�s skills and has become a warrior of fierce reputation.

    The Human is quick on It�s feet. It manages to dance around me effortlessly and giving out quick jabs against me. Good. This makes me happy.

    I slam the thrall with my fist. The impact forces air out of It�s lungs, and awards me with a pained groan from my opponent It gets up on It�s feet fast. It�s endurance is admirable. Most of the opponents who have faced the same have not gotten up afterwards.

    My opponent sprints and leaps a great distance, and lands a jumping kick on me, and I stumble. I regain my footing quickly and back off a few paces. The human circles me and delivers a few good punches. I return the favor by kicking my opponent to the ground. It is starting to move slower, It�s footing heavy and shaky.

    It charges at me for a final show of defiance, and attempts to deliver a knockout to my head. I grab the leaping warrior from the air by It�s arm. I raise my opponent to be on the level with my eyes. I can see fear in It�s brown eyes. It is time to put It out of It�s misery. My hands switch places, to It�s throat and scalp.
    The prey starts to fumble and tries to get free. It is too late for that. I start to pull and pull harder. The joints in It�s neck start to pop. The scream It produces makes me narrow my eyes, and tighten my grip.

    I toss the spine to the ground, still attached to It�s head. Eyes widened and mouth forever contorted into an expression, warped by maddening pain. It is over. The cultivation was complete. The moments of cunning play and ruthlessness on the arena by my pets has concluded. Overtures of screams by the Humans pitted against each other, have ended for this season.

    But there will always be more pigs to the slaughterhouse.

    Describe how your Yautja acts, and how you intend to play them
    Rau'ta has an eye for talent. He will hunt and attempt to capture thralls who he deems worthy to be pitted in gladiatorial games against eachother.

    He is also an overconfident and self-centered megalomaniac, who indulges on the blood sport between the humans.

    He frequently de-cloaks on the hunting ground, and challenges his gladiatorial prospects to fistfights, to not harm the prey prematurely. At the end of the hunting event, he will pit the gladiators against each other, and duels the remaining gladiator in an Honor Duel.

    Rau'ta doesn't pay much attention to xenomorph, as he views humans as more interesting pray. He will deal with xenos that insult his ego or challenge him to a duel, however.

    In your own words, describe the difference between an honor duel and a hunt
    Honor Duel is a occasion in which two individuals spar for honor and glory on equal footing. There are rules at play which must be obeyed, or else the Honor Duel will be called off and the offender will be quickly ended for breaking the rules.

    Hunt is where one or more predators scout out for worthy prey, and attempt to claim victories and prizes from them.

    How do you intend on interacting with other predators during a round?
    I intend to greet and converse with other predator, but I will mostly stick to myself. Unless another predator wishes to take part in setting up the gladiatorial games, I do not intend on interacting with them on the hunt.

    Why do you want a predator whitelist?
    Mainly for the RP-aspects of the Predators. I have always liked interacting with them as human and synthetic, and I wish to now to be on the other side of the aisle, to get fun interactions with the playerbase.

    Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
    Yes

  2. #2
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    -1 You fell into the pitfall of a combat story instead of a story that tells us about your predator.

  3. #3
    Senior Moderator Dorkkeli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobatnight View Post
    -1 You fell into the pitfall of a combat story instead of a story that tells us about your predator.
    I'd argue that it shows the character of Rau'ta, that he is a ruthless Predator who views the combatants as lesser beings, but still respects their combat skills and sacrifices. The original drafts of the story did not have enough combat, or had too much. I think this one struck a sweetspot where it's not too long, has enough aspects of the hunt, and shows the psyche of Rau'ta. But your opinion is of course appreciated.

    Besides, I do not want to have an affixed backstory, because I like to show most of the story and history IG.
    Last edited by Dorkkeli; 06-24-2019 at 03:21 PM.
    Bert 'SOAB' Beach CARGONIA
    Henrik & Leeroy SYNTHETIC
    Rau'ta H'chak YAUTJA


    Spoiler Spoiler:

    Spoiler Spoiler:

    "Honestly, how can you hire this cunt? You must be really fucked up to hire someone like him."

    sexy avatar by Manezinho

  4. #4
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    I'm not a person that likes to go deep into someone's story as mine was not the best on my WL, but yours needs some work. If you can I'd work on this part, as it's the main thing people look at. Also, try to get those people to look at your pred app.

    Overall, Lackluster application, generic background with inadequate formatting, simple vocabulary and sparse in detail, plus the way in which you intend to play is something common that any predator is patterned to do.

    I don't know if my vote is counted but this is really -1 for me
    Last edited by Enyonggg; 06-24-2019 at 03:27 PM.

  5. #5
    Senior Moderator Dorkkeli's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enyonggg View Post
    I'm not a person that likes to go deep into someone's story as mine was not the best on my WL, but yours needs some work. If you can I'd work on this part, as it's the main thing people look at. Also, try to get those people to look at your pred app.

    Overall, Lackluster application, generic background with inadequate formatting, simple vocabulary and sparse in detail, plus the way in which you intend to play is something common that any predator is patterned to do.

    I don't know if my vote is counted but this is really -1 for me
    Appreciate the feedback. When I first started writing it, i went for a more backstory approach of the story, but it proved to be hard to find a good balance between actual backstory and the mannerisms of my Yautja. I agree that the story could use more work, but in the end, I believe what matters the most is the IG characterbuilding.
    Bert 'SOAB' Beach CARGONIA
    Henrik & Leeroy SYNTHETIC
    Rau'ta H'chak YAUTJA


    Spoiler Spoiler:

    Spoiler Spoiler:

    "Honestly, how can you hire this cunt? You must be really fucked up to hire someone like him."

    sexy avatar by Manezinho

  6. #6
    CM-SS13 Host ThesoldierLLJK's Avatar
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    You fell into the trap of well known white-listed synth player and staff member with a "lackluster" story.
    I don't mind a combat story only, but in your case it's a generic "I found human male, I hunt human male story."

    I will be awaiting more feedback before a final decision.

  7. #7
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    To quote a council member

    "The function of the whitelist application is to act as a sort of filter for people who are untrustworthy, or just poor players of the game. It is expressly asking for permission from the staff, developers, and community for the privilege of playing a role with high responsibility, not only for your ability to handle yourself, but other players of the game."




    Story



    Looking over previous stories

    https://cm-ss13.com/old/viewtopic.php?f=125&t=2895

    This was the original predator application of Apop, who can be seen as the architect of the application process. The application is 502 words short and extremely bland IMO.

    here is bobats story
    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...rDubo2ngY/edit


    I would like to point out also is a combat story: it doesn't list a thing about his clan or his background. It somehow talks a bunch about oranges however. I suggest you allow him on the orange whitelist immediately.


    I went through TONS of the old pred apps.

    On basis of how boring, lifeless and mundande every application was then I can only see this as a bad "gatekeeping" device that is horribly outdated.

    Dorkkei's is just more of the same as far as I am concerned.




    Are they a trusted member of the community, that doesn't cause drama and has no current bans





    Yes I haven't seen any issues as of late from this member. I don't know them that well but I have confidence that if they can maintain a moderator status then they can maintain a whitelist status.


    Overall a +1 from me on basis of my opinions
    Last edited by starmute; 06-24-2019 at 04:13 PM.

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    Being a mod isn't a free ride for whitelists, there's still expectations for the application process itself.

    You'll notice my application that you're pointing out is formatted correctly and doesn't contain grammatical errors. Since your reading comprehension is apparently lackluster I'd point out the oranges are in reference to the orchard they're in and the setting of the story, something this application doesn't have.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobatnight View Post
    Being a mod isn't a free ride for whitelists, there's still expectations for the application process itself.

    You'll notice my application that you're pointing out is formatted correctly and doesn't contain grammatical errors. Since your reading comprehension is apparently lackluster I'd point out the oranges are in reference to the orchard they're in and the setting of the story, something this application doesn't have.


    To quote your story
    "He bit into the fruit and looked around smugly to the disgust of 1 of his party. "
    When you can't be bothered to type "one", it isn't only not proper formatting it is plain laziness. You have plenty of problems in it and plenty of "Chekhov�s Gun" issues where you introduce elements into the story that have no purpose other than needless embellishment to make the story longer. Its extremely stale and what you would expect from this kind of writing.

    That being said it's not about you. I used your app to basically show the gatekeeping behavior of the whitelist community. I don't think many of us are novelists and better writing doesn't create better RP in game in my opinion.

    If the standard is "a good story and the trust of developers and the community" they have passed that. Then the issue is the story. If apop, the creator of the list is the standard then the goal posts are pretty low there. Your story isn't anything to write home about either to be honest.
    Last edited by starmute; 06-24-2019 at 04:55 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Moderator Dorkkeli's Avatar
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    I don't want a free pass for being a moderator. I'd like that people acknowledge that I am a decent RP'er in game and that I can handle a whitelist status. And I'd hope that carries more weight than an application on the forum. I like having freedom IG and to be able to act out the backstory for my character, instead of just having a fixed backstory for the rest of eternity.
    Last edited by Dorkkeli; 06-24-2019 at 04:42 PM. Reason: words
    Bert 'SOAB' Beach CARGONIA
    Henrik & Leeroy SYNTHETIC
    Rau'ta H'chak YAUTJA


    Spoiler Spoiler:

    Spoiler Spoiler:

    "Honestly, how can you hire this cunt? You must be really fucked up to hire someone like him."

    sexy avatar by Manezinho

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