Dorkkeli - Yautja Application

[bobatnight]

Starmute this is really laughable of you man, I'm not gonna continue to compare Dorkkeli's 'apple' to my 'orange'.

It's plain and simple a lack luster application, nobody expects you to be an award winning writer but they do expect more effort than was put into this.

[starmute]

The two men accompanying him were clad in armour and well armed, these would provide Deser with a good hunt.

Should I rip apart this sentence bobat? I don't see how you can be accepted on basis of grammar or writing skill when it was so obviously un-veted. Why is writing important if this is the basic quality of pred apps when this is the norm?

[ThesoldierLLJK]

Can you two not turn this into a back and forth argument or take it to Discord or PMs.
Thanks

[bobatnight]

Should I rip apart this sentence bobat? I don't see how you can be accepted on basis of grammar or writing. The writing on yours was terrible. Why is writing important if this is the basic quality of pred apps.

Starmute this is really laughable of you man, I'm not gonna continue to compare Dorkkeli's 'apple' to my 'orange'.

It's plain and simple a lack luster application, nobody expects you to be an award winning writer but they do expect more effort than was put into this.

You can scour my application as much as you like for things to scrutinize but the fact remains the same.

-1

[Lumdor]

Can you two not turn this into a back and forth argument or take it to Discord or PMs.
Thanks

No please let it continue.

[Banned User ID63]

Some things:

In an attempt to show your predator as ruthless, you had him rip out his opponents spine. This isn't ruthless by yautja standards. Besides that, nothing actually showed me he was ruthless.

The setting was non existent. A good backdrop, quickly but succinctly described, while working into the overall story, adds tons of flavour. For example, in my story, it took place on an arctic planet. The over abundance of snow and constant snowstorms made certain aspects of the story more interesting. Another good example to read into is Bobatnight's application. It took place during ancient times, on a roman estate. Another would be Jakk's, his takes place in ww1 against a Cossack.

The combat is terrible, to put it plainly. It's hard to write good combat, that's why I always tell people to write as little as needed - inexperienced writers, such as ourselves, lack the skill to make it convincing and cool. Instead of combat to show why your character is ruthless, do something else, or get a new personality trait.

Being ruthless is practically inherent with being a predator. You don't need to have a unique perspective or personality, just something you'll describe well, and do. Being ruthless is hard, because it's hard to be even more ruthless with a race already hyper ruthless.

[Dorkkeli]

Some things:

In an attempt to show your predator as ruthless, you had him rip out his opponents spine. This isn't ruthless by yautja standards. Besides that, nothing actually showed me he was ruthless.

The setting was non existent. A good backdrop, quickly but succinctly described, while working into the overall story, adds tons of flavour. For example, in my story, it took place on an arctic planet. The over abundance of snow and constant snowstorms made certain aspects of the story more interesting. Another good example to read into is Bobatnight's application. It took place during ancient times, on a roman estate. Another would be Jakk's, his takes place in ww1 against a Cossack.

The combat is terrible, to put it plainly. It's hard to write good combat, that's why I always tell people to write as little as needed - inexperienced writers, such as ourselves, lack the skill to make it convincing and cool. Instead of combat to show why your character is ruthless, do something else, or get a new personality trait.

Being ruthless is practically inherent with being a predator. You don't need to have a unique perspective or personality, just something you'll describe well, and do. Being ruthless is hard, because it's hard to be even more ruthless with a race already hyper ruthless.

Thanks for the input.
I am terrible at writing details about hand to hand combat.
Gunplay is another story, but I like to utlize SS13s melee mechanics, which is the reason why I intend to use hand to hand combat mostly.
It doesnt translate well to text on my part.

I ran into problems with the setting aswell. I couldnt translate what I had in my mind into english well enough, so I scrapped it. I cannibalized major aspects of my story several times, because I was not happy with the result. Then I finally came to the conclusion that I want to write the damn story in character, in game. There is always opportunities for a good story to be told via the events and actions ingame, which are the things that matter the most in my opinion.

Look at my synthetic application and my original quirk. I changed it afterwards when talking to a councilman, so it could be much less restricting, while still being there. It gives me room for creativity and to adapt to unique situations and do rounds in a different manner each time.

The thrallmaster subtype that I strived for in this app was meant to be a simplistic slate, so I could build on top of it, without being restricted too badly.

[edgardo]

This is a app, not a place to argue because you dislike X opinion if you want to discuss your different POV go to discord or do it on private messages.

Remaining neutral until further feedback.

[Bancrose]

Rule 2, No Peanut Gallery Shitposting @bobatnight @starmute

As for your app, Its okay. Not great or bad but I think its "adequate".

I however dont really know much about your predator so give me a bone here, What are they really like in the day to day?

[Dorkkeli]

Rule 2, No Peanut Gallery Shitposting @bobatnight @starmute

As for your app, Its okay. Not great or bad but I think its "adequate".

I however dont really know much about your predator so give me a bone here, What are they really like in the day to day?

I would imagine my predator would spend considerable time training his underlings, and that he would devote a lot of time praying to Gods, especially before a hunt. Other than that, he would hand out lengthy disciplinary actions to thralls with too much "spirit", and upkeep/logistics of his base of operations, ship, encampment et cetera. Trips to Yautja Prime and other more permanent settlements, would be infrequent, since he views unnecessary relationships as secondary, unless there is something to be gained, of course.

During the hunt he takes time to prepare his instruments, preferring less-than lethal alternatives, for dead prey would make for poor entertainment in the long run.
Following a successful hunt will be a celebration among his companions, and introductory education to the life in the 'circus' for the capturees.

Rau'ta would be a yautja of short temper, easily angered, but also easily soothed by stroking his ego. For potential guests, visiting his shows, he would be a gracious host, offering servants and prized gladiators. Even with his short temper and megalomaniac tendencies, he is not a dim individual. He does notice good talent in his adversaries, and able to think ahead, going for the long term gain, instead of short term satisfactions.
He values crafty and cunning individuals, viewing them as his (near)equals, or as a worthy challenge.

If you got any technical questions or the like, go ahead and shoot.