Originally Posted by
Sleepy Retard
Some things:
In an attempt to show your predator as ruthless, you had him rip out his opponents spine. This isn't ruthless by yautja standards. Besides that, nothing actually showed me he was ruthless.
The setting was non existent. A good backdrop, quickly but succinctly described, while working into the overall story, adds tons of flavour. For example, in my story, it took place on an arctic planet. The over abundance of snow and constant snowstorms made certain aspects of the story more interesting. Another good example to read into is Bobatnight's application. It took place during ancient times, on a roman estate. Another would be Jakk's, his takes place in ww1 against a Cossack.
The combat is terrible, to put it plainly. It's hard to write good combat, that's why I always tell people to write as little as needed - inexperienced writers, such as ourselves, lack the skill to make it convincing and cool. Instead of combat to show why your character is ruthless, do something else, or get a new personality trait.
Being ruthless is practically inherent with being a predator. You don't need to have a unique perspective or personality, just something you'll describe well, and do. Being ruthless is hard, because it's hard to be even more ruthless with a race already hyper ruthless.