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Thread: WrongKeyo360 - Yautja Application

  1. #1
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    WrongKeyo360 - Yautja Application

    Yautja Whitelist Application
    Byond ID:
    WrongKeyo360

    Marine Name
    Fabio "Flan" Espinosa

    Name of the Yautja Character you wish to play
    Mo'koinn

    Have you banned in the past month or are currently banned from other servers?
    I have not been banned in the past months, or currently banned in any other server.

    Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?
    Yes, I am.

    Yautja Character Story
    Mo�koinn

    Beginning:

    As Mo�koinn wakes up from what he thinks was an eternal sleep, his Clan Bracer beeps �Destination Arrived.� as soon as he heard those words, he understood that they arrived at the Hunting Grounds.

    Mo�koinn was Anxious, but also felt Vigorous and Famished for a duel. As he raises up from his Clan Bed, he takes his Hunter Pouch, and rushes to the armory, he does not worry about meeting face-to-face with his Brothers & Sisters, but rather salute them on the radio, and prays for them. Mo�koinn speaks on the radio, �Good Morning, Sisters & Brothers. I hope everyone woke up well, I pray for you all under the Demigod Kehrite Bhu�ja, and bring down worthy adversaries.�

    He did not think of what the other Hunters worshipped, the others Hunters did not bother much from his prayers or Demigod he worshipped, but one of the Sister named The�sa raised her voice, insulted by my prayers, �Quiet, you. I do not worship your filthy Demigod. The only true, God in this ship is the only and only �Paya�.�

    Mo�koinn slightly shocked by her reply he understood that The�sa was an aggressive hunter. In anyway he did not wanted to reply back as Yautja Females can be very easily offended. Obviously, this has not been unnoticed by the other Hunters, replying with vicious words, and names. He did not want to speak with all that chaos in the radio comms. So he decided to turn it off for a while, thinking to him-self �By Bhu�ja� I pray for you to give me strength against these�. Young Blooded��

    As he finishes getting ready in the armory, taking his weapons and crystals, he heads to the launching pad planning on heading down the planet, putting his headset back on, but get stopped by The�sa, with her mask on, looking at Mo�koinn with a provoking posture, saying �We shall see who is the best Hunter, Brother.�

    Mo�koinn looked stiff, and careless, telling her �We shall see indeed, sister.� as he walks away from her, she growls, and mutters something� But Mo�koinn does not bother, and heads straight to the launching pods.



    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing


    (There might be some grammatical errors, the reason for this is that I currently speak 3 languages)

    Describe how your Yautja acts, and how you intend to play them
    I would play them like any other Hunter in the Hunting Grounds, I would observe first, see if any worthy prey is actually worth hunting, such as Serpents, humans, survivors.

    After choosing my prey and marking them, I tell via radio to my other fellow hunters to not hunt the prey located (Location), and that looks like (purple, yellow, whatever it describes them, really.) and so when its been retreated to somewhere concealed, or been left by the main force, I uncloak and tell them about their kills, and how that makes them worthy (Obviously it's not only about kills, but also how they lead their men, and push back the serpents).

    And so, I challenge them. Now if they haven't shot me already I would have asked for a duel, with restrictions (fair restrictions). And when we both meets those requirements and battle ready, we begin.

    Let's say I win, what I would if they brought me a good duel, is to call them worthy, and take their skull and weapon as trophies, where it would be showed in the showcase.

    I like doing this because I know how much of a pain a Yautja that attacks their prey without restrictions can be a real pain for the other side, because we all know that preds are kind of OP. So I try to control myself, and limit myself from ranged weapons, and casters. (Except if I'm being hunted down by a SADAR or SG , which I will still not use lethal mode, but I will make sure to disable them and kill them by melee, and not ranged.)

    So yeah, I want to play a character that focuses a lot on melee, and not ranged. Also try to be a marine-friendly Yautja, which can bring some good RP moments, and some smiles.

    In your own words, describe the difference between an honor duel and a hunt
    An Honor Duel is when a Yautja duels a what they seem to fit a Worthy prey and fight to the death without using ranged equipment, or traps. The Honor Duel needs to be as fair as possible for both Duelers, if said Dueler falls to the ground, they must be recovered and be given time to recover, and then they can continue the duel. Anyone who interfere with the duel (Xeno/human) will be named Un-Worthy. You also cannot seek and demand for a duel, that will also label you Un-Worthy.

    Instead, in a hunt theres a huge difference, where you stalk and observe marines and xenos alike to search for a worthy opponent, but this changes between 3 sections: Worthy, Innocent, and Un-Worthy.

    Worthy is when a prey has a lethal weapon, has been insulting or showing malicious signs against the Yautja, and for showing great leaders. A Worthy prey is also known for his kills, and competence.

    Innocent, instead is considered a helping & supporting role, such as synth, drone, hiverlord and most of the Almayers workers. They cannot be included in the fight because all the time they are fixing wounded, working on power, or just healing someone. An Innocent prey becomes worthy when said prey starts insulting, and gaining a gun and actively be in the main fight.

    And a Un-Worthy prey is a prey who have violated the honor code, like running off a honor duel, or healing in an honor duel without the Yautjas consent, trying to actively pursue and engage the yautja, drag away the dueler or interrupting a on-going honor duel, a prey who steals or captures technology from the Yautja, and showing disrespect against the yautjas themselves. Whoever becomes a Un-Worthy prey they can be killed/disabled by the yautja.

    How do you intend on interacting with other predators during a round?
    I would act friendly, assisting my fellow yautjas and seeing their duels with pride. I would always pray for them every round, and make them feel like I am trustworthy, otherwise if a yautja acts like an ass, then I would just ignore them, and let them be in their hole of sadness. If another Yautja is in a duel with a worthy adversary, I would most likely add comments on how good he's/she's fighting, and clap for any take downs. I appreciate a strong, intelligent Yautja.

    Why do you want a predator whitelist?
    I want a predator whitelist because I love HPR, I like to play my characters the way I want, and I love my all my characters. But I also want to apply because I always liked dueling preds in the past, which convinced me of actually getting the whitelist, and I will always make sure to not abuse this system and just fight anyone that comes across. I will be respectful, always.

    Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
    Yes
    Last edited by WrongKeyo360; 09-13-2019 at 10:51 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Mentor Ordosian's Avatar
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    Hello Keyo.

    Did you edit this after a Hour? As the Honor duel/hunt question has changed drastically... If Yes, please note you are not allowed to edit after a hour.

    Posted : 10:32 Edited : 11:51
    Ex-Senior Admin
    Ex-Yautja Senator

    Marine - Paul 'Ordo' Starr
    Synthetic - Ordo
    Yautja - Ordorak An'th

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    Oh, I am sorry about the edit, when I first re-readed and seeing the code of honor, I thought it wasn't exactly nor entirely what it meant in my first answer, I did not know that there was a 1 hour mark. Sincere apologies.

  4. #4
    Whitelisted Predator
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    I did warn you to check if you still had time for edits. I also know i wasnt the only person to look at/help with your app and pretty sure im not the only one ultimately disappointed in the overall quality. Ill ask you the same thing i asked you in PMs but only in the past tense this time. Was the app ready? I know how much work you put in but honestly it needed that little bit more. You may have been getting conflicting replys with help which wouldnt have helped but ultimately i cant support this in its current state, try again in the future -1.
    H'chak Best click clack.

    Alice 'Snow' Falkner: The one TRUE snowflake.

    Lurker 420 Points at the dank weeds.

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    You did warn me and my foolish self was way too rushed to even try and take my time answering every question, checking if it was correct or even close to that. You weren't the only person I DM about the story, and over all help (Thank you all) and it was dumb of me not getting the hint that the story is just... Not well written. I did try my whole best of the story trying to perfect it, and make a generic theme that every pred passes through the game itself, and well I thought it was a good idea to write a story on how I would play the game and what I would do to make the game for other people more enjoyable and just make a good overall roleplay experience. I appreciate every bit of help I got from you guys, and if this app happens to be denied I'll take much more time reviewing it and re-reading every answer and make an actual interesting-to-read story. Thank you very much for the reply.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by WrongKeyo360 View Post
    Snip.
    If you wish to review and rework it you may withdraw it at any time. Withdrawing will start your 30 day countdown before you can reapply, but it's generally a wiser policy than waiting for denial.
    Charles & Arthur Edwinson
    Synth Percival | Artyom
    Yautja Kjhute Luar-ke

    Record:
    Spoiler Spoiler:



    Discord: forest2001#2001

  7. #7
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    I'll wait for people to reply, see more feedback and maybe understand more what the council want.

  8. #8
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    There was definitely a lot of work put into this app, though there's a couple of things that prevent it from being passable:

    1: You've got some weird thing going on with what tense you're using, it looks very sloppy, and is very jarring to read. To expand on this, what I mean is going from first person -- "I will do X" to third person "He did X." You need to condense that into one tense, there is nothing wrong with first person -- if it's written very well, but I would avoid it, and instead go for third person. It's much easier to work with, and is less prone to fuckups. Also, things such as "-Uncloaks and Mo�koinn makes a powerful roar-" and "(translator) �Y0u h@v3 pr0v3n y0ur s317 t0 83 w0r1hy, @nd n0w 1 ch@113ng3 y0u t0 @ du31." are really not needed. This may be how it appears in game, but you're writing a story - not an after action report of the game. When writing stories, you do not need to limit yourself to the gameplay limitations - your Yautja wouldn't wake up in full armour in a story, but he does in game.

    2: The English. I know you said you spoke three languages, but it would've done you wonders to have someone else proof read it, and correct any mistakes you have. I'm not going to fault you for not being perfect at the English Language, that much is unfair, but I am going to fault you for not asking for proofreading. In a pinch, Grammarly is a good start, but it's not a full substitution. Computer automation isn't good enough to replace humans in this case, nor is it enough to pick up the fact you're talking about things that aren't real. Either way, get some people to help, run grammarly on it to begin with, and you'll see your story will become a lot more coherent.

    3: The story itself is awkward. I'm only assuming your character is blooded in the story, otherwise hunting down a human with a gun is a pretty weak way to prove your worth. With that being said, if they are blooded - there isn't any reason for lower ranking predators, that being young bloods to insult him. If, however, he is also a young blood... why is he hunting a human to show his worth? Mechanically, a human has a good chance of downing your ass with a shotgun if they play well. Lore wise, a human has to be crafty and cunning to down a predator -- simply shooting him isn't really enough. Just another thing that strikes me as you not separating game and story. You could've had the survivor make a trap which your predator set off, causing several shotguns to blast buckshot into him.

    If you're going to be having humans as the primary prey in the story, it's best to show off what they're good at - using their brain, tactics, cunning. Raw, brute strength isn't something a human can do against a Yautja.

    For the application questions:
    Describe how your Yautja acts, and how you intend to play them
    A cloaky, careful Yautja who's friendly with marines and won't use ranged...Yeah. To put it bluntly, you wouldn't be friendly with Humans - they're still beneath you, and the lack of range is going to kick your ass sooner than later. But I appreciate the sentiment, even if it's wrong.
    In your own words, describe the difference between an honor duel and a hunt
    This is good enough. You've covered everything that really needed to be said, if I wanted to nitpick I could - but you seem like you understand the differences.
    How do you intend on interacting with other predators during a round?
    Not the most unique, or boring, or exciting - what you've said works, and I can't say anything bad about it. Kind of silly to think of a pred clapping for another pred mid duel, though.

    To round it all up, I'm going to be giving this a -1. Your story is a bit of a mess, and you're going to have to spend a good amount of time sorting that out - your application questions + answers are good enough, probably some shortening could be done, but it's otherwise good enough.

  9. #9
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    I appreciate the feedback, next time I write a story I'll try to not make as many grammatical errors as I did. Again thank you very much for everything.

  10. #10
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    Yeah, take what has been said into consideration the next time you try.

    Therefore, -1

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