[WITHDRAWN]Hunk1 - Yautja Application

[Hunk1]

Yautja Whitelist Application

Byond ID:

Hunk1

Marine Name

Jason 'Goliath' Williams

Name of the Yautja Character you wish to play

Grom'kar Ha'Tolk

Have you banned in the past month or are currently banned from other servers?

No.

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor?

Yes.

Yautja Character Story

�Youngling, You have a lot to learn.� As Grom�kar is lectured by his elder after being found winding a blade, the elder completed, �Stop and pay attention to the information.�

"You need to pray for more wisdom to S�ahul, your task won't be easy and you should think how does "it" thinks.",the Elder chastised, �you're here because you're tasked to eliminate an abomination, born from one of your fallen brothers, the serpents overthrow him.� Grom�kar looked at his brothers going to the hunting grounds, before proceeding to look at the speaking Elder , "The one who avenges your brother, will receive the mantle of honor."

Grom'kar saluted the elder,"Well met Elder.� before proceeding to gear up. As all the other brothers left, the elder shouted:" GROM'KAR!" Wise is he who learns from the Errors of his brothers! Show no mercy towards the abominations! "It" will show no mercy to you!".A Concerned Grom'kar replied, " In Victory or Honorable Death, the abomination will succumb by my blade." before turning away and proceeding to his room to finish gearing up.

Grom'kar left his hunting pouch ready at the desk and laid down for a nap, waiting for his arrival at the hunting grounds, While on the bed, Grom'kar muttered to himself,"S'ahul, give me wisdom, this shall not be an easy task, allow me to remember the experiences from my elders and use the knowledge to my advantage on the hunting grounds, Nritja, fill me up with bravery and confidence, do not allow fear to consume my soul, therefore allowing hesitation, If I die,I must die with honor attempting to avenge his fallen brother, Kehrite Bhu'ja, do not allow me to forget all that it was taught by the elders, refresh my mind, for all of this, I beg of you.", after finishing his prayer, Grom'kar fell asleep awaiting arrival on his destination: LV-624.


The Beginning

His bracer vibrated and Grom'kar awakened from his sleep, picking up his hunting pouch before proceeding to meet his brothers. Kil'thrat, one of the brothers, looked at Grom'kar and says, "I will skin that abomination, after you die! I will also be watching, VERY closely." Grom'kar, remained calm and proceeded to retort with, "We shall see." The vox caster sounded with a voice from the Elder; �Brethren! we have arrived to the hunting grounds, May Paya be with you!�. Immediately, Grom�kar taped his bracers and teleported to LV-624, on the roof of the Telecommunications Dome, before he proceeded to engaging his full cloak and scouting for the location of the abomination.

While scouting, Grom�kar started to set up traps near the colonies nexus, covering possible ambush zones, before heading towards the robotics dome and blocking the north and east exits, leaving only the west open, which leads to the jungle and a sandstone Sanctuary, from the time of the ancient elders, Grom'kar proceeded to whisper to himself, "a perfect battleground and greveyard."
Turning his head backwards, he saw a Dropship which landed and start unloading colonial marines, whispering to himself, "those will serve as an warm-up." Grom'kar let out a small chuckle amused at the developing situation.

As he observed from the rooftop of Internal Affairs Dome, he spotted a lonely marine on a tactical march poised to fire, Grom'kar laughed while cloaked, causing the marine to panic and search for the origin of the disembodied laughter. Grom'kar jumped down and uncloaked behind, before laughs again. The marine aimed his rifle at the towering figure causing Grom'kar to laugh again before throwing a ceremonial sword at the marine's feet while pulling out his scimitar from his back scabbard speaking in scrambled human language Grom�kar challenged, "Ooman, let's make this honorable shall we?". The marine raised his weapon again and proceed to unload a burst towards Grom'kar, who responds by firing a stun sphere towards the marine, grabbing his rifle, unloading it, and throw it far behind his back.Speaking again in the scrambled human language; "as I said, Honorable.", The marine crawled backward reaching the ceremonial sword before Standing and preparing to strike Grom�kar!

As the duel was about to start, an ancient runner, with many scars covering it�s body, sneaked up and proceeded to attack the marine slashing and amputating the marine's leg, Grom'kar roared furiously at the runner as it pounces towards him. Using his wrist blades, he attacked the runner�s jaws proceeding to rip the left side of the jaw apart, while simultaneously kicking the runner off him, as he notices the marine entering on a shock state duo bleeding. Furious at the unworthy prey, he activated his Plasma Caster preparing to fire an eradication sphere, as the runner tried to spray him with the acid blood seeping from her wound. The runner roaring in pain was hit squarely on the torso by the sphere, causing it to explode into a shower of gibs. After dealing with the unworthy prey, Grom�kar looked at the marine who had now ceased screaming, Grom'kar said, "Pity, such a waste, it's hard to get worthy opponents for a duel." , Grom'kar grabbed the flailing marine and ran cloaked towards theNexus where the marines seems to be based and then laid his body, almost lifeless, near one of the barricades, as one marine, seemingly a man of medicine approached with his sidearm out, Grom'kar spoke curtly, "Ooman, here is one of your warriors." before running away resuming his hunt.

After a while observing the marines and the serpents fighting he spotted the abomination, and roared towards it, activating his plasma caster and beginning to chase it down, The abomination lured him near the old yau'ja temple in an attempt to outsmart the young blood. Upon reaching it, Grom'kar started to search for the Abomination, leading to a tunnel. Grom'kar roared enraged:, "you may hide, but your extermination cannot be avoided." before leaving the temple dejectedly. Disappointed, Grom'kar started taping his wrist bracers as he spotted an abomination running away, unsure if there is more than one, Grom'kar chased the creature to the west side of the colony, Grom�kar Shot his plasma caster at the abomination, attempting to cripple it before going in for the kill as they enter the west jungle and then the Sand Sanctuary But in the process, the abomination triggered a mine and gets crippled, roaring in pain as it crawled away towards the Sanctuary, Grom'kar started slowly walking towards the sanctuary before a crusher shows up, unexpectedly raming Grom'kar and launching him into a tree!

Grom'kar started dodging, as the Crusher fiercely attempts to stomped Grom'kar, finding himself in trouble, unable to halt the Crushers attempts to stomp his body into oblivion In corner of his peripheral vision, he spoted Kil'thrat, ignoring Grom'kar and heading to the Sanctuary. Grom'kar roared towards the crusher, activating his wrist blade beginning to slash it's torso and neck beforesuddently, the crusher started to flinch, appearing to be in pain as one loud screech is heard, Instantly thinking, "The Serpent Empress has fallen." Using the crusher's torso, he kicked himself backwards and crawled himself up, getting ready for combat the wounded crusher promptly disengaged and fled in the direction of the screech, ramming and destroying the walls, tables and trees in the way. Grom'kar, enraged with the situation, proceeded to the sanctuary, finding Kil'thrat taking a trophy from the slain abomination, laughing at Grom'kar.

Grom'kar roared towards Kil'thrat and yelled, "You should not get involved! It was my trophy! I incapacitated the Abomination myself!" while punching the Sand wall, Kil'thrat, looking calm, replied, "Do not worry, you shall have another chance. If you live long enough for it." Kil'thrat proceeded to laugh once again at Grom'kar. Grom'kar, feeling offended, said, "This is an Ancient Sanctuary, you have crushed my honor here, and this ground here will be your grave, ready yourself!, only one shall survive and the other must perish, Victory and Honor or DEATH!", Kil'thrat, visually amused and giggling, replied, "Very well young Grom'kar, this will be your graveyard as you wish."

Describe how your Yautja acts, and how you intend to play them

Grom�Kar is a Calm Yaut'ja, but gets enraged when when something hurts or threatens his Honor, tend to rely on planning and construction of traps in order to hunt or find an honorable and worthy oponent, his weapon of choice is the scimitar/sword which belive along with a few good blows and some brute strengh is a the key to sucess. he needs, Medium armor feels good for him as long he can take some damage and pursue his prey until the inevitable fight. To challenge a prey, he constantly stalks and watch carefully every single action, all abilities, in order to take as a Honorable prey for hunt or challenge for a Duel.

In your own words, describe the difference between an honor duel and a hunt

A Hunt is when a target is found and it�s deducted to have a high level of honor, and when defeated, he is simply a trophy to the yautja, showing maturity and increasing level of experience amongst the youngbloods or same rank as the Predator itself.

The Honor Duel happens when the Predator finds out that his target is worth more than prey and gives the target the chance of a Head-on Melee combat, the loser dies or can be left alive with for exchange of a trophy.

How do you intend on interacting with other predators during a round?

Grom�kar is fairly calm, very communicative toward his brothers in order to extract experience from other experienced Yaultja, joining in hunt parties, assisting in dealing with the unworthy attemping to disrupt their hunts. Also, he likes displaying his trophies to display his honor and earm the respect of the other breathren, he enrages fairly quickly when someone insults his honor, For Grom�kar Ha�tolk, The Honor take places above all.

Why do you want a predator whitelist?

I find out the Predator role is a interesting way of role-play and i wish to try something very different as i had the chance to be a bad blood and managed to RP with an predator before. I understand the different between Badbloods and youngbloods.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?

Yes

[420M.Y.K]

Ill be honest. Im not a huge fan of the story. It feels rushed. Not just the writing itself but the pacing of the story. i know theres a limited space to write the story before youd be chastised for it and your story is a good length but the fact you put "The beginning" at the start and how it plays out and reads really makes it sound just like that. the start of something Unfinished. For one i would really have preferred to not been left on such a cliff hanger that honestly would have shown your preds personality better than the rest of the story and your answer if it had been wrapped up.

Also even mentioning badbloods in "why do you want a predator whitelist" even if its to say you know the difference between them and normal hunters is a bad move and sends alarms ringing.

I want to see what others say about your story itself before i make my final decision though. Maybe i just dont like your writing style and it is better than i can see but for now ill stay neutral leaning towards -1

[Lumdor]

I�m no longer on the council so I don�t need to be professional. This application is bad, and the fact you could barely comprehend how to do your moderating abilities does not make me think you could not be dumb as a pred.

Jamie Note: Due to his involvement with a recent staff report against Hunk, this reply should be taken with a grain of salt, as the incident in question was very recent. Please keep this bias in mind when replying/reviewing.

[Simonset55]

I would honestly not ever suggest anyone to write a story where their predator hunts down an abomination. And in your case, you describe your predator as a young blood. It doesn't really make much sense for the predators to send inexperienced hunters out to kill an abomination. Young bloods have yet to even kill a single xeno, which is how they become "blooded". Why would they send a hunter out to take down one of the most dangerous xenos known to them, that's just asking for another predator to get facehugged and blah blah. But this is perhaps just my sense of rationality speaking to me, not like we expect people to be experts on the silly yautja lore.

Perhaps the larger issue, is how your predator goes on as they arrive on the planet. It decides to go mess with marines as it would be a nice warm-up routine. That's all fine and dandy but the issue is that he came down there with one specific objective. I'll just copy paste what the honour code says.

"Abominations:
Abominations are considered unworthy of life and should be hunted down and eliminated with your full force at all costs."

As soon as there is an abomination, preds are expected to go eliminate them first and foremost, your predator ain't got time to mess around with humans. After that the story progresses and stays true to the nature of the game, the abomination running off like a bitch instead of fighting, and a crusher suddenly ramming your predator. This is funny enough to read, but stories should not really be that true to how actual CM is, it doesn't make for a good story.

The story ends with a cliffhanger where your pred faces off with their fellow predator who "stole" the abomination kill. Taking the previous quote from the honour code into consideration. Your predator really shouldn't give two shits about them taking the kill. The abomination is to be killed at all costs, it ain't even supposed to be an honourable trophy a predator would want to take because the mere existance of it mocks the entire yautja species, thus disgusting to keep in their posession.

You say you're familiar with the honour code, that doesn't exactly hold true since you don't know how abominations should be treated. Honestly most of the issues with your story would have been prevented if you just didn't write about hunting a predalien. To comment on the grammar in your app, it isn't too bad in the story, but the answers to the questions could be formulated better. But eh, the requirement is that the grammar is decent, so I guess it's fine.

Now there's also the topic of the staff report that was against you. There is the rule where you're not allowed to have received a note within 30 days. You didn't really receive a note, but the report was resolved in favour of the reporters. Which doesn't exactly shine a great light on you, it might even be considered worse than a note, but perhaps only for your staff career. It just doesn't exactly make you look good in this app either, if you ask me.

Taking all the things I said into consideration, you'll understand that i'm giving this app a -1

[Survivor]

Predators do not take abominations as trophies. It's like hanging up a picture of your family completely naked on the side of your house.

[DonOmet]

Do you guys not do that?

[Ordosian]

All has been said.

I wish you luck next time Hunk.

-1

[Vispainius]

It's a small error but one that really hurts you. Simonset summarizes it well.

Best of luck next time. Sorry mate.

- 1.

[Hunk1]

Snip

Thank you for your opinion, i will take in consideration if i write an applicaton again on the future, for now, this is all i need.

Requesting to the Whitelist Maintainer/Emerald Blood to withdraw this application.

[Bancrose]

Withdrawn by Hunk1.

Please dont be afraid to ask for help from a Councillor or the Whitelist-App-Help.

Reapply when you feel ready.