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Thread: [WITHDRAWN] Skies - Synthetic Application

  1. #1
    Junior Member Skies's Avatar
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    [WITHDRAWN] Skies - Synthetic Application

    Synthetic Whitelist Application
    Byond ID?
    NewSkies

    Marine Name
    Sky 'Mantra' Weber

    Other Whitelist Applications
    N/A

    Name of the Synth Character you wish to play
    Sky

    Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines?
    Yes

    What are some scenarios that you can perform combat in? Give us a brief example.
    Synthetics are not permitted to do combat through ranged means, however a machete or knife could be used to defend a hurt marine or other fellow human aboard the USS Almayer. Alternatively, I could see a situation where there could be a survivor that is in danger. I would most likely try to save that survivor, if not strictly for their well being, more so that they could have valuable information that my handlers would want to know. Should I see a human be dragged off by a xeno or predator, I would immediately notify nearby marines and, if there is no other choice, I would try to save the human myself.

    As far as boarding situations go, evacuation of the civilians would be my number one priority, and I would engage in combat only as an absolute last resort or to save a human life.

    Synthetic Character Story
    Sky is a second generation synthetic that has been in service for over twenty one years. He has been assigned to multiple ships in the USCM, as well as stationed on colonies to help assist medical staff and engineering.

    The USS Simpila, a Bougainville class troop transport assigned to the USCM 2nd Fleet, was in orbit over LV-229 for SOP refueling and rearming. Most of the command staff were sent ground side for brief meetings as well as a 36 hour rnr for approved marines that wanted to stretch their legs on the colony. LV-229 was complete with enough food, drink, and entertainment to drain the marines "fortune" of a salary in that short time. Other than maintenance staff, the XO, Sky, and a handful of marines that elected to stay behind or were not granted their ground side rnr pass due to "behavioral misconduct," the Simpila was empty.

    However, the combination of putting all the rowdy marines and a small amount of command staff on one ship was not a great mix. The marines forced to stay on the ship decided to make their own rnr, and threw a party that even the MP's attended. The XO, too good to mingle with the enlisted men, decided to turn in early, and left Sky and the CMP- who was at the party- to watch over the ship while he got in a solid seven hours of rest.

    The XO grumpily told Sky, "Synth I'm tired."

    Sky replied with a warm smile, "I'm sure sir. Have you finished your paperwork the CO assigned to you?"

    Rolling his eyes but smirking a bit, "Yeah I mean its done. Ill check I dotted my i's and crossed my t's later. I need sleep. Can you, please, make sure the ship doesn't blow up so I can get some rest?"

    Nodding, Sky replied, "I doubt very highly the ship will explode sir, but I will do my best to ensure your sleep is not interrupted by all of our deaths."

    "Thank you Sky.. and do me a favor? Make sure those marines don't get too s*** faced. PT in the morning, and I don't want to have to smell marine puke while doing pushups again." The XO stood up and rubbed his eyes, looking tired as ever.

    "I'll do my best sir, though as far as keeping marines from drinking goes.." Sky looked at him a bit wary.

    "Yeah its like herding cats. Welcome to my world. Good night Sky."

    "Good night sir." Sky took the XO's seat and began diligently looking over the logs, and monitoring the life support systems.

    During the party, the ship did explode. The Westingland A-59 reactor was given a faulty batch of fuel rods by the colony, and the engineers of the ship decided to take a shortcut and did not test them properly. This lead to failure of the ships power, and eventually a large explosion that decimated nearly a 6th of the ship. Though most of the pressure from the explosion was vented into space by the reactors emergency protocols, a portion still blew a hole in the reactors armor.

    The staff of the ship were disoriented and confused, the explosion caused considerable damage to the crew quarters, but mostly was just heavy shock waves and lighting failure, as well as a loss of artificial gravity. Most of the marines were knocked unconscious from the blast, or already were from the drinks at the party. The few that weren't tried to get marines out but could not see, as secondary power failed as well.

    Sky, knowing that his crew was in danger, ripped open door after door fighting his way to the marines across half the ship. When he arrived, he could only grab two marines at a time, and there were over twenty five marines and staff at the party, and scattered throughout the ship. Over the course of three hours, Sky managed to get every marine loaded onto the second UD4L Cheyenne dropship, as well as all civilian medical staff. He then piloted the ship through the hangar doors, and flew his men to safety on the planet.

    What happened after was controlled chaos. After Sky landed on the colony, staff was fired, ranks were taken, and blame was thrown about. Sky was recognized as a hero by the crew and captain, and was issued a Legion of Merit, but was later taken back due to Sky being a synthetic and therefore considered equipment. In the end, W-Y was praised for its genius creation of the android model, and used the story of Sky as advertisement to promote and sell the second series of synthetic. After the Simpila was scuttled and all crew reorganized, Sky was assigned to the USS Almayer to continue his service for the USCM.

    What is your Synth�s quirk and personality?
    Sky is both a fierce and gentle creation. He seems to value the lives and relationships of those around him, and would die for them without a moments notice. He tries to empathize and create bonds with humans, and can often be found talking to and trying to cheer up marines that are facing psychological stress, either from the stress of their profession, or issues back home.

    His quirk however, is that music fascinates him. Once he was even found expertly playing a piano in a bar when sent down with a Lieutenant to assist him with his ground side tasks. Upon leaving the latrine, the Lieutenant saw that Sky had sat down at the piano and, after poking it a bit, played a melodic yet lonely song that he had never heard before. When Sky finished, he seemed to wake up from a trance and looked at the bar patrons that were all gazing at him, some seemed engrossed in the music, others were wondering if he was actually a synthetic or not.

    Later the Lieutenant, who had a fondness for Sky, asked him how he learned to do that.

    Sky replied after a bit of deliberation, "Music is like numbers and language combined. Infinite, and yet understandable to all. I am quite good at both numbers, and language, so it was second nature." He smiled at the Lieutenant and then said, "When I see humans listen to music, they will nod their heads or tap their feet, sometimes even cry or cheer. I find a strange... almost warm feeling in my chest, when I make those around me happy."

    The Lieutenant, who watched the synthetic curiously while he spoke, asked, "Do you like music? Do you, feel the need to tap your foot or nod your head when you listen to it?"

    Sky said, "Humans like music for a different reason than why I appreciate it. I appreciate the complexity and vastness, yet, the simplicity of it. Humans seem to like the tones, and I believe through my observations and questioning that humans are reminded of events in their past, and emotions." Sky looked at the Lieutenant, "Do you enjoy music?"

    "Oh yeah! I mean, I like that one song thats like uhh.. its like bwoooOOWWW, bwoooOOOOowwww, bwoooowww.." The Lieutenant began to mimic playing a guitar, "Kickstart My Heart! That's what its called."

    "I too find that song to be enjoyable," Sky said with a smile.

    How familiar are you with Engineering?
    I understand building cades, setting up power, repairing and building APCs, and wiring. I would say im 7/10 for engineering.

    How familiar are you with Command?
    I have lots of experience with SL and SO, not so much with XO and none as CO. I also have been RO and CMO quite often. I know that hesitation can end with failure. I would say 7/10.

    How familiar are you with Medical?
    Very. Im sure I could improve, but I am strongest at medical. I would say im 9/10 on medical because there is always room for improvement.

    How familiar are you with Requisitions?
    Very. I have spent quite a long time as both CT and RO. I was SL when the new squad req came out and got to be a baldie SL because I had no idea how to do req. Ever since then I learned all I could about req. I would say 8/10.

    Why do you want to be a synthetic/why should we whitelist you?
    I love the support side of things, and think that I have a really neat character to RP as. I have played CM for a very long time and think that I would like to try something new.

    Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason? Do you have any active jobbans?
    Nope and nope

    Are you currently banned from our Discord, and if so, why?
    No

    Do you have anything else you would like to include about your application?
    No, but thank you for reading and thank you for considering me. EDIT: I did edit this a handful of time's after posting it, but once anyone reads it I will cease. Just wanted to add and adjust a few spelling or grammatical errors, as well as add a bit more dialogue. Ive never done an application here before, so I wanted to be as through as possible.

    Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline?
    Yes
    Last edited by Skies; 10-13-2019 at 02:34 PM.

  2. #2
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    Hey there! Let me tell you what I think about your app.

    Firstly, you did say that you edited the application. While this is frowned upon, you did edit it less than an hour in, so I don't see any issues with this. It's wise to proof-read the app before posting it on the forums, however.


    Now. Regarding the application itself.
    The Combat Scenarios part is rather decent, yet I see a few weird things in it. You do state that you'd attempt to rescue a survivor (assuming a colony survivor) if they would be in danger; this is not very wise! Putting yourself in a situation where you could be damaged in order to rescue a human whose intents and allegiances are unknown is not a good move. I like that you covered what you'd do if a marine was dragged off by a xeno or predator, and the answer is correct, but I would've liked if you gave some answers regarding hostile human boarders, and unruly marines!

    No one needs to be Shakespeare to apply for the Synthetic Role, but a decent amount of effort, plus several key elements (dialogue, at least one first-person sequence, and showing your Synthetic's Quirk) should be included in the story. Frankly, I am not very impressed with it! The story is quite short, the first part feels more like a description of your Synthetic (which may be included in the next question's answer!), and the short dialogue sequence does not portray your quirk, at all! I recommend asking other people to proof-read the story and give their opinions regarding it before posting the application.

    Regarding the quirk answer, now. The first part was rather generic; your Synth will do his normal job by caring for the marines. The second part, I feel that it was added through an edit, since it contains a bit of misplaced dialogue; you could've added that part in the story itself! In my opinion, being fascinated with music is a rather weak quirk, since it cannot be easily applied in most of the situations you will be put in; only in niche situations will you be able to make effective use of it! Oh, and there's something I don't really enjoy in the dialogue sequence:

    I find a strange... almost warm feeling in my chest, when I make those around me happy.
    This part borders on your Synthetic having actual feelings, which they cannot have! They may only merely emulate emotions in dialogue, to appear more human-like to whoever they're serving! Be very careful of your wording!

    The following Skill-check Questions have vague answers, and I personally blame the Application Format on this. Usually, it is wise to make a small (or large, if you desire!) list of all the things you know from that department, and you've somewhat done it here. I've seen you in-game a few times but I cannot remember how good you were.

    Another nitpick I have about your application is the Synthetic's name itself. Please, do not simply make your Synth's name your Marine name. It indicates a somewhat lack of effort.


    I am sorry if I sounded harsh during this review, but I wanted to clearly indicate the issues I have with your application. I recommend you to attempt to ask for help in #whitelist-app-help on Discord, and ask some Synthetic Players to proof-read your application and concept before posting it; and don't advertise your app over that channel!

    This'll be a -1 from me, sadly.
    Claire O'Reilly, the vitriolic Corporate Liaison!
    Cassie, the helpful Synthetic!
    Kre'Zuhl, the self-declared greatest worshipper of Thardha!

    HRP Main to the Bone

  3. #3
    Junior Member Skies's Avatar
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    I am sorry you feel that way. I would just like to say that I did put a lot of effort into this character, did not advertise in discord I asked for help in the channel, and am willing to change certain game play aspects to suit an acceptable character. I will now offer rebuttal to some of your points.

    � Regarding the unruly marines, I would most likely try to calm a situation if it were heated, and alert any MPs in the area, or over comms. If it were a violent or deadly encounter, I would not get involved with the combat directly, but instead would attempt to get any bystanders out of harms reach, and then save as many lives as I could. As usual, unless there were no other options, violence would not come from my synthetic.

    � For hostile human invaders, I would attempt to create a dialogue with them first and express my desires for no violence (Sky wants humans to be happy, not dead). If conversation proves to not be an option, saving as many marines and civilians would be my number one concern, saving combat for an absolute last resort. The marines fight, I heal. Should I fight, I would attempt to leave them disarmed and unconscious, not dead.

    � Unless it is a direct rule, which in my opinion would limit the story telling as a whole, I feel that my quirk should not have to be involved in the first story. The story of my Synth was his finest hour, his greatest moment, one that defined him as a member of the USCM and shows his compassion and willingness to go as far as possible to save those around him. His personality story is the story that defines his... well his personality. A quirk is a quirk.. not an obsession. He would not be shoving music down everyone's throat at every possible moment. That's borderline insanity. If the one thing that changed the story to be acceptable was instead him saying "oh executive officer, you should listen to music to relax," then it seems like a very forced way to add it in, even though it is unnecessary to tell the story. My synth is not insane, he just has a knack for and appreciates music more than the typical synthetic.

    � I recognize that I might have misinterpreted the "Story" part and the "Personalty" part as "Story" and "Story with the quirk" but I guess there is no going back at this point.

    � While true it is not wise to save a human who's allegiances are unknown, that's just what my synth would do. What's the point of having quirks and being different if they RP exactly the same as every other synthetic? Not to strawman, but it seems that you're saying no synthetic would save a humans life regardless of knowing who they are. Obviously, humans that want to harm Sky or his fellow marines would be met with resistance and avoided, but Sky is not the kind of synth to shy away from saving someone in danger. Of course, this is very situational. Perhaps after the first contact on a planet proves the survivors to be hostile to Sky, he would heavily reconsider any rescue attempts, but in a new location, with unknown people, he would not just let people die. Sky is the kind of synth that would step in to save them. I stand by that personality of my character unless there is no getting around it and 100% of synths would not ever do this ever, no matter their personality.

    � As far as the name Sky goes, that is the name I have always gone by online. It is a name that has close meaning to me, and I would be willing, and already planned to, retire the human Sky Weber to create synthetic Sky. I feel that this is a nitpicking point that is placed here just to try and throw more shade on my application. If my name were simply something else, like Michael, or Kayla, this would not be an problem.

    � As for the "strange, warm feeling" that the synth "felt" isn't that the big question, and one of the most attractive questions about synthetic life? Is being programmed to feel really feeling? The point of that dialogue was to push the narrative that maybe, just maybe, synthetics can feel. This isn't to say that Sky would knee jerk react with emotion, or even openly feel it for other things. But his quirk about music, something about it makes him "feel" something strange within his synthetic heart and mind, but he can't quite put his finger on it.

    � As far as skills in each field go I will list them here:

    >For medical I know surgery like the back of my hand, first aid and pills shoving like the back of my hand, and have a very good system of being a combat medic and/ or doctor. I have done many, many shifts as medic, and have done less but still a large number of shifts as doctor and CMO. I understand chemicals for the most part, but honestly have to refer to the wiki from time to time.
    >For engineering, I listed what I know but will do so again and in more depth. I understand defenses and building a proper defensive line, I understand wiring, APCs, and setting up power. I also know how to fly the ships like a PO, but that wasn't listed because PO is relatively easy.
    >For Req, I understand everything from requisitions line to ordering proper gear, setting up crates for FOB and getting the right coordinates, as RO stamping the papers in each order to get +1 points, and basically just ordering what is needed.
    >For Command, I have spent many a shift as a SO, and many more as an SL. I know the maps well, though I do get lost in prison and Ice from time to time. I have never been XO or CO, but have a loose grasp on their duties.

    � Twice you claim I have given little effort, and frankly I find it insulting. Criticism is one thing, insulting is another. I watched every movie before making this application (had never seen them before I decided I wanted to be a Synth on CM13), I researched (well, I looked up on the Aliens fan wikipedia) the different ships and engines used by the Colonial marines so that I could create an accurate description, and paint a good picture of the world my Synth lives in. I took some creative liberties like creating LV-229 and kinda just deciding that it was a somewhat thriving colony that W-Y colonized. The Simpila is also a made up ship. I used my real world knowledge as a soldier from my job as a Petroleum Supply Specialist in the army and incorporated that into my story, because fuel guys HAVE gotten lazy and didn't check the fuel correctly, and helicopters have crashed and people have died for that exact reason.

    In conclusion, I have wrote this out as a rebuttal to both your, and possibly any other criticism that comes after. I absolutely appreciate criticism, because I enjoy writing as a hobby and play this game and server somewhat religiously. If at any point I came off as rude during this response, I apologize, as that was not my intention. I want CM to (continue to) be the best server on SS13, and I feel like I would be a good candidate for a synthetic character to create a more immersive style of writing. Like I stated at the beginning, I am willing to adjust certain traits to create an acceptable character that is loved, or at least liked, by the community and people I play with. I want to create immersive dialogue between other characters and my synthetic, should my application be accepted.

    Thank you for reading.
    *You notice a small coffee stain ring where the signature should be*

  4. #4
    CM-SS13 Vice Host
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    To put it bluntly, the majority of responses you will receive on any whitelist application will be harsh if they find faults and I believe Anderut is one of the nicest people that I see review applications regularly. I am pleased you responded in a lengthy manner because it shows that you are willing to put the effort in to get this whitelist and that is something I value more than the majority of the application itself. If you can prove to me you really want this whitelist and are willing to do what you need to do to get it, you will have my support.

    As for using your marine name, this is something we frown upon as a whole. Naming your synth Michael would be fine of course (excluding the fact we already have one), but if your Marine & Synth name is Michael it does give off an air of laziness. I won't say it's completely forbidden because there are plenty of reasons for creating a name and a limited number of names in the world.

    At the end of the day, you are a machine. It's a dangerous line you don't want to cross getting close to "really feeling". I advise you be careful with it.

    I'm going to wait on more feedback before I make a final decision, but I'm currently neutral leaning towards a plus one.
    Charles & Arthur Edwinson
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  5. #5
    Junior Member Skies's Avatar
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    Thank you for the response. I have considered your words, and have decided to retire Sky 'Mantra' Weber for a new marine (new name pending). I will reserve the name Sky for my synthetic, should it be approved now, in a month, or however long.

    As far as "really feeling" goes, I understand what you mean. I'll be very pensive when considering how to move forward with that, but will most likely leave it at Sky appreciating music for its complexity, and helping humans will simply be in his nature, as with all synthetics. I would like him to be generally more compassionate, or at least, simulated compassion. Not overly caring.. I believe I read a quirk that was like that in a separate synth application, but more like being particularly good at helping with psychological issues on top of his physical medical skills.
    *You notice a small coffee stain ring where the signature should be*

  6. #6
    Ancient Member ChengChan's Avatar
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    I'm neutral, still observing the way you roleplay in game. I've seen you as a PFC and combat medic..

    Community Mentor
    11-14-2019

  7. #7
    Junior Member Skies's Avatar
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    Keep an eye out for my new character, Marcus 'Cutter' Koetter or the civilian, Marcus Koetter. Whenever I have the ability to, I try to tell terrible jokes before brief.
    *You notice a small coffee stain ring where the signature should be*

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skies View Post

    � Unless it is a direct rule, which in my opinion would limit the story telling as a whole, I feel that my quirk should not have to be involved in the first story. The story of my Synth was his finest hour, his greatest moment, one that defined him as a member of the USCM and shows his compassion and willingness to go as far as possible to save those around him. His personality story is the story that defines his... well his personality. A quirk is a quirk.. not an obsession. He would not be shoving music down everyone's throat at every possible moment. That's borderline insanity. If the one thing that changed the story to be acceptable was instead him saying "oh executive officer, you should listen to music to relax," then it seems like a very forced way to add it in, even though it is unnecessary to tell the story. My synth is not insane, he just has a knack for and appreciates music more than the typical synthetic.
    To the anger of those in Discord I am always pushing for non-conventional stories, but I don't like yours. Not because its non-conventional because it's short; doesn't reveal anything about your character (you saved marines, we all do, it's the unique way you do so that we are interested in); and seems to be somewhat missing the point. We want to see how you would play you synth. The story is supposed to serve as an example of how you would uniquely play your character. If you took out the word synth, you just sound like a heroic marine. And if you try to play synthetic heroically... you are going to end up breaking a rule.

    And the quirk is much more important than you seem to think it is. Everyone one of us in here knows surgery, knows engineering, knows command, wants to save marines, and is heroic. Part of the point of the role to generate interesting things to role play against. If you are a just superman synth..who saves everyone and is a hero.. we already have that marine, his name is Ducky, and it makes for a boring synth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skies View Post
    A quirk is a quirk.. not an obsession. He would not be shoving music down everyone's throat at every possible moment. That's borderline insanity.
    A synth who likes music WOULD be hard to play in exactly the way you described it, this is not a problem with the system. It is because you have a bad quirk. But I am willing to pass over this because you didn't fill it out right anyways. Stop focusing on the word "quirk" and come up with a unique thing your synth does. And that can be physical, mental, language, etc.


    Quote Originally Posted by Skies View Post

    � Twice you claim I have given little effort, and frankly I find it insulting. Criticism is one thing, insulting is another. etc. etc. etc.
    Here is the true problem I have with your application.. You seemed very quick to take criticism as insulting and I dont think it was. Your original application was lackluster, short, and didnt give a ton of information. Further it was filled out incorrectly as you yourself said. If you had read 5 applications you would not have made the mistake you did regarding a quirk.

    However, my concern is this. You were quick to anger, and you have written a story portraying yourself as a hero synth who saves the day.

    In recent games as a synth I have been called slurs, pushed, shot, stabbed, and insulted. I have had to watch medical kill people through incompetence without being rude to them. I have been put on menial tasks such as retrieving tape decks, or doing chems all game. I have been accused by a marine of combat synthing by holding an axe near hydro river road while chopping trees and had to talk to admins about it. I lay in the landing zone in damage crit as people step on me for a long time. I have even been admin questioned about trying to retrieve marine bodies as I later died because it violates the self preservation rule.

    Would you be able to tolerate all of the above? Because the second you respond back in anger like above to a TRUE insult, or be a hero; you are gonna start losing your whitelist.

    I was -1 but your second paragraph of information is doing a much better job of holding you in here. Clearly you can write, just wish you spent more on the application and less on the response.

    Neutral for now (but I am not a council member so whatever).
    Last edited by BeardedWall; 10-15-2019 at 05:55 AM.

  9. #9
    Whitelisted Predator superjo98's Avatar
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    Pardon the delayed response, I've been conflicted on this app for quite some time.
    In my opinion, there are too many minor issues for me to give you a +1 at this moment in time.

    1. Your story: while clearly showing effort, your story fails to portray synths quirk in the slightest. Had I gone off your story alone I would not have known that their quirk was a fascination of music. despite what your opinion is, your synths quirk HAS to to be included in your story. I should be able to get a general idea of your quirk from the story, the dialogue sequence in the "What is your Synth�s quirk and personality?" question simply doesn't cut it.

    2. The quirk: Your quirk is quite weak, I am unsure how you'd be able RP this in game without being too forceful, besides playing the colony instruments (which will get old quickly) and listening to music on a walkman.

    3. Understanding of guidelines/synths in general: I'll ignore the warm feeling part since Andernut has already covered it, but this line worries me: "...and would die for them without a moments notice." You're aware that your self preservation comes first correct? You shouldn't be dying for marines.

    As I said before, there are too many minor issues. This is going to be a -1 from me. Take the advice that Andernut and the others have given you and re-apply in the future.
    I play as Dawson Hook and Brad.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Vampmare's Avatar
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    Mistakes happen and I won't really judge you on things filled in the wrong boxes, but you made some key synthetic mistakes here that aren't making me too happy. Always happy though to see someone with a passion for getting a whitelist and I hope you will continue with the passion when reapplying.

    Andernutty mentioned the part about giving your synthetic emotions, so try to make it explicit that its a emotion the synthetic is emulating or make it obvious from the context.
    Superjohny went over the part about dying for marines, which is against the self-preservation rule, maybe you worded it wrong, but the way I read it is a big red flag. Synthetics value their life above all else, because they are expensive and there are always more marines.

    The story itself was alright for the first dialogue and then you kind of fell flat and your synth became a hero in a few lines. I suggest you stick to a nice dialogue only, maybe split it up into 3 situations with dialogue or so, WITH THE QUIRK SHOWING.

    The quirk is alright, but I need to see it involved in more dialogue before I can gauge how you want to use it.

    I'm sure you can do better and will improve on it until next time, so best of lucks, but sadly this time its a -1.
    A small part of the Synthetic Council

    with Jakkk, AcuteCircle, Pedroca2lucas and Kineem

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