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Thread: The True Guide to CMSS13 (Part 1- Squad Marines)

  1. #1
    Whitelisted Captain Total_Epicness's Avatar
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    The True Guide to CMSS13 (Part 1- Squad Marines)

    Sarcasm
    noun
    the use of remarks that clearly mean the opposite of what they say, made in order to hurt someone's feelings or to criticize something in a humorous way


    Marines

    The highly trained marines who are ready to kick some alien ass. They are the good guys. Who unfortunately almost always lose due to their own incompetency.

    PFC/PVT/ Your normal unga

    • Slightly autistic
    • See beno, shoot beno. Anything in between? Too bad.
    • shit around the almayer & piss off MPs for the first 20 minutes
    • follow SL for 2 minutes after drop, then join the murderball
    • Then die a horrible death in the next 30
    • collective IQ of a peanut

    Shotgun PFC

    • Even more autistic
    • more robust due to having more chromosomes
    • Be the number one producer of salt in the world
    • get shat on by xeno ranged abilities be in the hive by 12:45
    • only PBs, anything else tickles
    • buck ftw
    • xenos mad lol

    Flamer PFC

    • Take everything bad about pyro spec, times it by ten and add the previously mentioned PFC autism as the cherry on top
    • Always flaming the fucking ravs
    • Piss off normie xenos
    • Area denial flaming pushes
    • lack any fire protection so they get dragged into their own fire quite often
    • first ones to get neuro spammed by queen and dragged into their own fire
    • secretly working for the xenos, they flame the queen and give them a place to drag marines into for easy kills



    Squad engineer

    • megafob get pissed because mats aren't being dropped
    • (on prison) c4 fucking everything
    • go batshit crazy deconstructing everything for mats
    • by the time you finally get enough mats, fob is under siege already
    • now that epic 1-2 hour fob sieges are over, 9/10 fob sieges are xeno majors
    • get jumped by a lurker while bravo is watching, then die in a corner halfway across the map.


    Squad medic

    • Qualified and highly trained be the druglord you always wanted to be
    • the reason why benos drag bodies 3 miles away from the frontlines to kill
    • rush to medical roundstart for sweet meta drugs
    • line is super long because doctors are bald
    • end up missing drop ,but you get your sweet IA, Keloderm and Iron pills
    • Get dragged halfway across the map and killed 10 minutes into the round because you tried to rescue someone


    Scout spec

    • Lets be honest here, most of the people who play this don't even know what the fuck they are doing
    • has the ability to be super IO or super JTAC but ignores to unga into the hive and get deleted by egg morpher
    • be the reason why melee was nerfed
    • be the definition of marine delay at the end of the round
    • #1 victim of flamethrowers


    Sniper spec

    • Be the bain of boilers
    • Piss off xenos so bad that the queen announces a bounty on your head
    • run out of ammo half way through the round
    • Bitch at req for more
    • die because no one covered your flank
    • By the time they drop it, the xenos have already dragged you 500 miles away,gibbed you, and melted all your shit and gibs

    nade spec

    • God of stuns, and FF
    • run out of ammo halfway through the round
    • bitch at req for more
    • go back to FOB to get it
    • find out the PFCs stole all of it and are FFing each other
    • get OT gamer nades
    • Have some retarded shit block the OT nade and destroy the entire push

    SADAR spec

    • god of kills,bain of xenos when they don't fucking die 10 minutes into the round
    • everyone plays this hoping that they are robust gods and be the bain of xenos, but only few actually are.
    • disarm the other spec while racing to your prep to increase your chances of getting this by 50%
    • rescue people by SADARing them while they are being captured like a chad
    • die when some retard jumps in front of you as you are firing a WP rocket
    • get gibbed before marines can even notice you died, let alone even see your dead body

    pyro spec

    • Flame pushes like a pro
    • flame bodies like a pro
    • First one to die when queen rolls up
    • watch as all the xenos fear you and run away as you burn their hive down
    • until a rav comes and dabs on you
    • somehow get revived
    • get gamernaded by a PFC to xeno lines, then get gibbed 3 seconds later

    Smartgunner

    • be the definition of suppressive fire
    • your only job is to
    • spam click
    • and not die
    • get lynched if you use anything but SG
    • name your smartgun something long and stupid to ddos the xenos as you are spam clicking
    • mouse/hand breaks mid round from all the clicking
    • realise you can just toggle an autoclicker on and off to help cure your severe carpal tunnel
    • get PBed by a pfc, flung to xeno lines before you can get up, and then get jumped by 3 ravs and a hivelord.

    SL/ Squad leader

    • be the digital incarnation of a tard wrangler
    • dump all attachies round start
    • first to get HPR kit
    • Get to lead squad for the first couple minutes
    • bitch at command
    • join the murderball and basically become PFC+
    • realise you are starting to get flanked
    • alert your squad to the flank
    • they ignore you and keep charging in the murderball
    • scream at command while you are being flanked
    • command is too busy erping in CIC to shipside events focusing on murderball to care
    • die horribly trying to defend the flank and watch as marines are wiped because xenos flanked









    edit: added flamer pfc
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by Total_Epicness; 08-14-2020 at 10:45 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member BIgboyyo's Avatar
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    Thank you but how do I apply to become a marine/??
    Nathon Stafford-Sunglasses wearing Delta L42 kiter man. Sometimes a Captain.
    Benedict-Praiser of Jesus, healer of marines, killer of Queens.
    Kahn'Ikesh-Blooded Hunter and great grandson of Gor'don Ram-sey
    (pfp by Manezinho)
    medals:https://pastebin.com/xiCJLuhz
    Mapper since 12/29/2020
    Had dev role assasinated on 8/2/21


    Synth Councilor as of 2/5/21 along with Jakk, Frogzeke, Yukonsnow, and Flpls
    DM what#3954 for help with Synth Applications

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    Senior Member DekoToast's Avatar
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    Utter masterpiece, I'm gonna go blow of the captains head with a slug.
    Rain 'Hail' Atkinson (Human Roles): Slayer of Xenos and babysitter of PFCs
    Medals
    Spoiler Spoiler:

    NV-XXX-C6 (Xeno Roles): CRUSHER GANG CRUSHER GANG
    Whitelisted Monkey Damn You Boomermin, the Monkeys will rise again
    Spoiler Spoiler:


    Mentor - 6/5/2020

  4. #4
    Member Sigil's Avatar
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    Flamer PFC

    Take everything bad about pyro spec, times it by ten and add the previously mentioned PFC autism as the cherry on top
    Always flaming the fucking ravs
    Piss off normie xenos
    Area denial flaming pushes
    lack any fire protection so they get dragged into their own fire quite often
    first ones to get neuro spammed by queen and dragged into their own fire
    secretly working for the xenos, they flame the queen and give them a place to drag marines into for easy kills
    offended agreement.jpg

    Scout spec

    Lets be honest here, most of the people who play this don't even know what the fuck they are doing
    has the ability to be super IO or super JTAC but ignores to unga into the hive and get deleted by egg morpher
    be the reason why melee was nerfed
    be the definition of marine delay at the end of the round
    #1 victim of flamethrowers
    Also, remember, ALWAYS staying cloaked is good for you. Especially when three marines are clearing weeds with shotguns nearby.
    Viktor Kovalevsky
    Martin Dark



    02.10.20 - mentor

  5. #5
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    -1 for me

    Doesn't mention how godly Flak is and NPC behavior

  6. #6
    Retired Manager
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    im coomer aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    Former staff, also former Synthetic senator.

    Now just a shitposter and lurker.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
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    That about sums it up, yep.

  8. #8
    Developer & CO Senator (Major General) naut's Avatar
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    accurate
    Major General / Colonel Samantha 'Sammy' Maverick
    Colonel Chris 'Topher' Lawson
    Synthetic Tara

    CO Senator (as of 3-19-21)
    ̶D̶e̶v̶e̶l̶o̶p̶e̶r̶ Maintainer (as of of 3-23-21)

    I'm just someone trying her hardest to not get everyone horribly killed.

    im an artist too! see my works at my art dump below
    //showthrea...aut-s-Art-Dump

  9. #9
    Moderator Sgtmike's Avatar
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    epic . . .

  10. #10
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    Why is this in fucking ACID GOOP and not on the USCM page, move this there immediately.

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