Luis's shitty guide to cooking:
You want to be a GOOOD Mess Sergeant in the USS Almayer USS Kindergarden ? Cook decent and good dishes and not being mocked upon by the commanding officer who said over the command communications console that you will serve EVERY single marine before deployment ?! Look no further! Dont look the post, this guide contains what you should know before rolling Mess Sergeant i hope.
This is somewhat how your average Mess Sergeant should have done in 1 hour or less.
1) The tools of cooking, and how to use them.
As a Mess Sergeant you spawn in the USS Almayer's R&R (Rest & Relaxation) kitchen, you're provided with 2 Meat fridges, 2 'Grocery' Fridges and 2 Refrigerators, a dinnerware to serve drinks (if you can mix them), a low budget grinder. And the good ol' rusty microwave. On the south you've got an smaller storage with an extra Meat Fridge and sometimes toolboxes. You are also been outfitted with some shutters to go in and out of the kitchen avoid gunfire from angry marines, grenades, UPP grenades, and xenos,THESE FRIDGES ARE YOUR PRIMARY INGREDIENTS WITH VALUABLE ITEMS TO DO YOUR JOB!, your role CURRENTLY currently, cause there will be some idiot that will do some dumb shit to get their stats removed has the same abilities as a Maintenance Technician, that means you can edit, expand, or simply upgrade your kitchen to your liking.
I've replaced my squad friends for these, they are my friends.
You are also outfitted with a few communcations channels.
Medical: To ask annoy the Researchers food from their hydrophonics lab.
Command: Cause apparently a cook is on the chain of command, be annyoing with command or be creative.
Alpha/Bravo/Charlie/Delta: If you're lucky, you could ask the marines to bring you a proper Booze-O-Matt or food supplies Only in Big Red/LV-624/Sokoryne Strata or whatever its his name/Ice Colony/CORSAT/Trijent.
Supply: For when you fuck up so bad flour/milk/eggs are gone When you're out of ingredients.
2) What i do ?
Sadly you're not Gordon Ramsay, or Franck Giovannini, Sven Elverfeld, Heinz Reitbauer, Bernard Pacaud, Albert AdriĆ , Joachim Wissler, Nancy Silverton, Julia Turshen, etc etc.
You're a Military cook in the worst ship possible, the marines will beat you to death for 'poisioning' them with the drinks you serve cause you can still suicide drinking Universal Enzyme due the cold effect drinks provide and developers didint seem to fix yet, mocked for the food you serve and other things i forgot to list on this guide.
Your job is to provide ANY sort of food to the USCM Marines & USS Almayer personell on this crappy ship, you're the chef, not a bartender so you MAY serve them what they want, its your kitchen, your rules.
A proper amount of food prepared in 29 minutes, enough for most of the marines who come here.
3) How do i cook ?
This is what you silly unga want to see probably, be AWARE!, the CM code is a mix of a lot of codes, TG cooking recipes do not work here here, other cooking codebases recipes such as NT work, ONLY /TG/ DRINK RECIPES (Most of them) WORK IN THE SERVER!.
I shall leave most of the recipes i mostly use during my time as a Mess Sergeant so you can use them, extra recipes posted/suggested/given were added:
Basic things you should know:
Dough:
THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT TO COOK MOST OF THE TIMES!: Grab 1 egg and slap it onto the flour (Yes its like that, dont ask me how).
Bun:
Microwave a dough and done, yes, its simple.
Bread:
Grab 1 dough & 1 egg and put it on the microwave (So you can make massive piles of fucking garbage that goes off the screen and lose all ingredients or a mixed variated amount of food).
Flat bread:
Use your rolling pin on dough, FLAT BREAD DOES NOT WORK FOR PIZZAS & CAKES, THIS DOES!
Cheese:
The holy grail of a cook, mix 40u's of milk and 5 Universal Enzyme.
Tofu:
A disgusting ingredient, mix 20u's of soy milk and 5 Universal Enzyme.
Sausage:
Ingredients required: 1x meatball, 1x cutlet
Actual cooking recipes!: These are the basic things you can do with most of the USS Almayer kitchen's supplies.
borsch
Ingredients required: 1x whitebeet, 1x cabbage
Mix in: 10u Water
Wish Soup
Ingredients required: 20u water
Hot Chili
Ingredients required: 1x chili, 1x tomato, 1x meat
Mix in: 10u Water
Vegetable soup
Ingredients required: 1x carrot, 1x potato, 1x corn, 1x eggplant
Mix in: 10u Water
Tomato Soup
Ingredients required: 2x tomato
Mix in: 10u Water
chantrelle soup
Ingredients required: 1x mushroom
Mix in: 5u Water, 5u Milk
Meatball soup
Ingredients required: 1x meatball, 1x carrot, 1x potato
Mix in: 10u Water
Mystery soup
Ingredients required: 1x Burned mess, 1x Tofu, 1x Cheese wedge, 1 egg
Mix in: 10u Water
A perfect way to say 'Goodbye' to the burned mess you just made and make it a bit less worthless, they're filled with random chemicals such as carbon, standard toxins, Tricozardine, watch when you eat one.
Meat Steak
Ingredients required: 1x meat, 1u Salt, 1u Pepper
Fried Egg
Ingredients required: 1x egg, 1u Salt, 1u Pepper
Space Fries
Ingredients required: 1x Raw potato sticks
Cheesy Fries
Ingredients required: 1x Space Fries, 1x Cheese wedge
Donk Pocket
Ingredients required: 1x meatball, 1x dough
Omelette Du Fromage
Ingredients required: 2x egg, 2x Cheese wedge
WE'RE MAKING THE MOTHER OF ALL OMELETTES HERE JACK!
Tofu Bread
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x tofu, 3x cheese wedge
Meat Bread
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x meat, 3x cheese wedge
Banana Bread
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 1x banana, 5u milk, 15u Sugar
Eggplant Parmigiana
Ingredients required: 2x Cheese wedge, 1x eggplant
Spaghetti
Ingredients required: 1x Spaghetti, 2x tomato
Mix in: 5u Water
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Ingredients required: 1x Spaghetti, 2x meatball
Mix in: 5u Water
Burger (Booorgar)
Ingredients required: 1x meat, 1x bun
Donut
Ingredients required: 1x dough, 5u sugar
Considering the MP SecTech vendors have 12 & 2 Yum Donut boxes, you wont need this.
Tofu Burger
Ingredients required: 1x bun, 1x tofu
Waffles
Ingredients required: 2x dough, 10u sugar
Stew
Ingredients required: 2x tomato, 1x meat, 1x potato, 1x carrot, 1x eggplant, 1x mushroom, 10u water
Donk Pocket
Ingredients required: 1x meatball, 1x dough
Big Bite burger (Boorgar)
Ingredients required: 1x burger, 3x meat
Enchiladas
Ingredients required: 1x cutlet, 1x corn, 2x chili
taco
Ingredients required: 1x dough slice, 1x cutlet, 1x Cheese wedge
One of the best recipes, easy, filling, and able to produce en masse.
tossed salad
Ingredients required: 2x cabbage, 1x tomato, 1x carrot, 1x apple
fruit salad
Ingredients required: 1x orange, 1x apple, 1x grapes, 1x watermelon
PIZZAS: The main ingredient for these ones is the TOMATOES,these are the only pizzas you can make in CM.
Vegetable pizza
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 1x Cheese wedge, 1x eggplant, 1x carrot, 1x corn, 1x tomato
Additionally, Italian combat research allows you to put it on your helmet, tactical pizza roll.
Margherita
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 4x Cheese wedge, 1x tomato
Meatpizza
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 3x meat, 1x Cheese wedge, 1x tomato
Mushroompizza
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 1x Cheese wedge, 5x mushroom, 1x tomato
SWEETS: Want to write disguised death threats in fortune cookies to some Deltards or Alphatards ? This is the way:
Muffin
Ingredients required: 1x dough
Mix in: 5u Milk, 5u Sugar
Fortune cookie
Ingredients required: 1x dough slice, 1x sheet of paper
Mix in: 5u Sugar
Apple Pie
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 1x apple
Meat Pie
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 1x meat
Tofu Pie
Ingredients required: 1x flat dough, 1x tofu
Carrot Cake
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x carrot, 5u Milk, 15u Sugar
Cheese Cake
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 2x cheese wedge, 5u Milk, 15u Sugar
Lime Cake
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x eggs, 2x limes, 5u Milk
Lemon Cake
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x eggs, 2x lemon, 5u Milk
Orange Cake
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x eggs, 2x orange, 5u Milk
Xenomorph Food: You will require a predator in the round/admin assistance to obtain xeno meat, the only current way is mostly with the predators butchering xenomorphs (They'll leave the meat, stated on the Honour code to not hunt for food).
Xeno Boorgar
Ingredients required: 1x dough, 1x xeno-meat
Xeno Bread
Ingredients required: 3x dough, 3x xeno-meat, 3x cheese wedge
Xeno Pie
Ingredients required: 1x flatdough, 1x xeno-meat
Acid Spit (Drink)
Ingredients required: 5u Wine, 5u Sulphuric acid
NOTE: You're gonna need a chem dispenser (Medical staff) for that.
4) How do i make drinks ? Ghetto VA-11 HALL-A Edition
A fair amount of drinks prepared already and ready to serve to intoxicate the living shit out of every marine and officer.
Always wanted to be a cyberpunk bartender just like Jill in Glitch City ? TOO FUCKING BAD CAUSE YOU WONT! Instead you can be the conselour for those marines who are worn out on this cursed operation/s while serving drinks on a 2d spessmen game.
You WILL need a Booze-O-Matt for most of these recipes, yet DONT FEAR! THERE'S THREE WAYS TO OBTAIN THE DELICIOUS MATTER MANKIND CREATED: ALCOHOL IN THE USS ALMAYER!
1 - Obtain a Booze-O-Matt, serve drinks only to marines off-duty or face the brig for intoxicating marines.
2 - Be an stealthy Metal Gear Solid reference and sneak into the Commander's mess, Wine & Whiskey may be obtained there.
3 - Your Soda fountain and some vegetables have the reagents to make alcoholic drinks, i shall list you a few here.
BEWARE: DRINKS ARE CURRENTLY ABLE TO FREEZE YOU TO DEATH, drink slowly and with caution, i've seen too many people die cause they drank iced coffee.
For more alcoholic drink recipes, please visit:
https://tgstation13.org/wiki/Guide_to_food_and_drinks
https://wiki.baystation12.net/Drinks
Note: Both are almost the same.
Non-alcoholic drinks
Milkshake
Ingredients: 5u's of Universal Enzyme, 5 Ice, 5 Milk, 5u Cream
You may not serve a Nazi officer an strawberry Milkshake like in Wolfenstein, but this works quite well.
Iced tea (Its on the soda fountain, but as a memoir for the 2018 CM MT's)
Ingredients required: 5u Duke Purple tea (Its 'tea), 5u Ice.
NOTE: Both can be obtained hacking a hot drinks machine (The Red one)
Iced coffee
Ingredients required: 5u Coffee, 5u Ice
Nothing more to be said
Alcoholic drinks: Soda fountain edition.
Kahula
Ingredients required: 5u Universal Enzyme, 5u Coffee, 5u Cream
Vodka
Ingredients required: 5u Universal Enzyme, 5u potato juice
NOTE: To obtain potato juice, grind a potato.
Mead
Ingredients required: 5u Water, 5u Sugar, 5u Universal Enzyme
Black Russian
Ingredients required: 5u Vodka, 5u Kahula
White russian
Ingredients required: 5u Black Russian, 5u Cream
Sui Dream
Ingredients: 10u Orange Juice, 10u Melon Juice, 5u Universal Enzyme, 5u Space-Up
5) Wait
Yep, this is how R&R looks most of the times.
Yes, the step 5 is waiting, most of the marines will be probably fed up in crappy nutrient bars or MRE's and planetside, which means you'll be either alone or with one folk from the USS Kindergarden staff.
During this step i suggest you is to get some proper music or a distraction after cooking, you'll be alone most of the times.
Here's a proper music to hear while mixing drinks and probably waiting for 27 minutes for anyone, at least make it less painful for yourself.
VA-11 HALL-A OST - A New Frontier
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doEwWzMz99A
REDLINE OST - Yellow Line
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgcwGpvUdZI
Lazerhawk - Overdrive
https://youtu.be/PcgmsITRP-g
Aliens vs Predator (2010) OST - Club Hive
Your choice, you can always go to cryo and give up to Gordon Ramsay and be an stupid sandwich forever.
6) TIPS!
- Serve alcoholic ONLY to marines that are 'off-duty' (Not going down yet), else you'll be charged with intoxication (and the marine being intoxicated) if the MP's look at the ML.
- Alcoholic & non-alcoholic drinks can cause effects (Until the developers patch them),for example: Anti-Freeze can heat up a marine quickly (Useful if you drank too much and you're freezing to death).
- Waste as less ingredients as possible, a chantrelle soup is both good and efficient when it comes to nourishing & ingredient use (5u Milk, 5u water, 1 mushroom).
- REMEMBER: You're feeding a batallion, make as much food as possible.
- Suggest serving drinks alongside food if you want to.
- Charge a fee for the marines that wish to drink alcoholic brevages.
- Create some funny gimmick (if you can).
- Dont waste all your food making massive sandwiches, its not only retarded, you lose most of your ingredients and any deltard or unga can steal it.