Dossier - Sal 'Spaghetti' Spanelli

[bobatnight]

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USCM Official Record

Name: Sal Spanelli

Alias: Spaghetti, Gay italian idiot, Stupid pasta man

Age: 32

Date of Birth: March 13, 2154

Current Rank: Captain

Current Assignment: Commanding Officer of the U.S.S Almayer

Gender: Male

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: Italian Stallion

Height: 5'6

Weight: 180

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Brown

Marital status: Single

Allergies: N/A

Personal items:
(1) Mustache comb
(1) DVD Copy of Dirty Dancing
(1) Shakeweight excercise device.

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Known affiliates of Captain Spanelli

'Ayoo getta' load of this guy' These marines have in someway earned disdain from the Captain.

Phillip 'Idiot' Murray- "Ya' ya', so this fuckin' genius turns an' shoots one of our own! Misfire he says, ain't but 2 mintutes latah' an' he fuckin' does it again!"

Sif 'Don't leave him alone with Jones' Magnus- "This loud mouth rat, I ain't heard such belly achin' since my brother Vinnie broke his toe, grow a pair already whaddaya a woman!?!"

Athena 'Big mouth' Blackburn- "Youse' know me fellahs, I ain't no woman beatin' scum but for this cunt I can make an exception."

Ritona 'Overdoseya' Sterling- "Sweetheart, can youse' stop shovin' QC pills down my throat like tik taks?!"

John 'Bullshit' Murray?Murry?- "THAAATS BUULLLSHIT SPARTA', YOUSE' ALWAYS KILL ME WHEN WE PLAY SPACE HULK. FUCK DEM' GENESTEALERS AN' FUCK YOUSE' TOO."

Garth 'More Bullshit' Palowski- "YOUSE' GUEST DM THE SPACE HULK GAME AN' KILL ME EVEN FASTER!? WHYYYYYY"

Gen 1 Synths: "One of these days an' High Command is gonna give in an let me scrap youse' for metal."

Space Jamaicans- "Ya keep fuckin' laughin' pal, I'ma give youse' .454 reasons to laugh just youse' wait."

Mortimer- "Youse' somehow fucked up my motha's red sauce recipe, the disrespect."

Kailey 'Dyed' Prevatt- "Ain't no such thing as naturally pink hair hon, youse' meltin' ya' brain with all that hair dye."

William 'Scatman' Frost- "This fuckin' chuckle head managed to shit up a few easy operations."

Kane 'Limp' Laborde- "I'd say he throws a wrench in the operations of Med Bay but its more like an entire tool box."

Luke 'High-Horse' Compton- "If he ain't BE'in' a marine for litterin', youse' can find him in Med Bay lecturin' medics while confiscatin' their useful Chems."

William 'An actual Joke' Crimson- "Youse' think with all that time he spent with the MPs he'd know Marine law by now."

Alpha Squad- "Them guise' are no longer allowed to handle a weapon when around otha' marines."

Pyro Specialist- "Just fuckin' sit there with Alpha an' think about what youse' did."

Dolthgar 'Mad' Folk- "Iunno if its the fuckin' French in em' or the little man syndrome but youse' needa calm down pal."

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T H E B O Y S
(and some like girls I guess too)



Chance 'BADDA BING-BADDA-BOOM' Warden- "Youse seent this guy with them fuckin' shotguns? Thought he was some kinda' homo at first but he's alright."

Tanner 'The Stache' Greene- "I was just a lowly PFC once ya' know? An' this man was the greatest damnt' medic I evah' did know. I ain't evah' gonna see a mustache as beautiful as the one youse' had again.

Jones- "I fuckin' love youse' man, keep on shinin'."

Heinz 'S.S' Meuller- "There ain't a single Officer I'd want next to me more than this man as we work to erase the xeno menace."

Broden 'Redeemer' Ackers- "Youse' think ya' know a man like Ackers, an' then he goes an' casts a shadow on the world with them big headed ideas."

Tal 'In the closet' Ravis- "I ain't the kinda' guy to go around judgin' homos, but this one is a helluva' tactical operatah'."

Lother 'Binladen' Jones- "This man right here? BOOM! Opened my fuckin' eyes to the beauty of explosives."

Astra 'Shiva' Sparks- "Youse' don't always see a marine lose 4 arms an' jump back into the fight."

Kate 'What is that smell' Wooley- "She gets the job done but ah...youse' can't evah' really tell if the smell is comin' from her or the garbage in her cart.."

Vanechka 'Epic' Penkina- "This marine grabs life by the balls an' shoves em' back down life's throat. They ain't too bad at buildin' bases on Yautjacraft either."

Jackson 'Mad Lad' Dee- "Youse' know in them old war movies there'd be that one guy who runs through enemy lines to save their pal? Ya' this guy fuckin' exists."

Julio 'Fence Master' Borras- "Usually don't get a long with these burnt Italians but ah..this one is alright."

Masamune 'Anime' Sanada- "Holy Motha' of Jesus youse' oughta' see this guy flingin' knives an' shit around!"

Bob 'Brudder' Shoe- "Not only is he an outstandin' Marine but his got damn' mustache groomin' standards are on par with Tanner or myself."

Pierce 'Pierce Jackson' Jackson- "He's no Alpha that's for sure."

Frans 'RC' Feiffer- "He ain't no Heinz but I wouldn't turn a cup of him down on a hot summer day."

Erich 'Gladiator' Bishop- "Youse' ain't seen shit until ya' see a Space Jamaican get knocked out an' his shoes stolen."

Chubs- "This descendant of Honey Boo Boo can both disgust, amaze an' save ya' in the matter of seconds, a national treasure."

Brandon 'Peruvian' Ruiz- "I always gotta tell the man, youse' need bettah' taste but what he ain't lackin' in his -heart-."

Adan 'Shootah' Howard- "This one gots the raw machismo of a real Italian stallion."

John 'Meh' Donable- "He ain't no star like Jones but he ain't gonna shoot youse' in the back that much either."

Alan 'Crisp' Jones- "Youse' nevah' gonna see a man do his job so well while lookin' so good."

Iriduim 'Bane' Kalrath- "I ain't sold on that fuckin' sleep apnea machine youse' wear into battle but ya' kick enough ass I can't really complain."

Randal 'Retard' Wilkerson- "Sometimes youse' just need a man so fuckin' stupid that they can't be stopped.

Lochlann 'British' Healy- "When he ain't fuckin' up all his rolls in Space Hulk, youse' can find this loyal subject of the Queen on the battlefield, showin' no mercy to our enemies."

Ed 'Car Bomb' Trevor- "Despite the man bein' indiscrimantely destructive, youse' can atleast see he's tryin."

Cheng 'Reborn' Chan- "I heard about that fuckin' Dropship crash an' we all thought he was dead, instead he comes outta' the wreckage a new man an' has been developin' into a fine leader."

Tom 'The GOAT' Dinkle- "The man will keep ya' smilin' in the face of death an' then lead youse' to kick death right in the cajones."

Irene 'Mutiny denier' Rockfelt- "This broad took a HPR an' fired down a crowded hallway full of mutineers an' went on to kill countless men that day. A staple of values in the USCM."

John 'Black Knight' Murry- I swear to youse' this man had both arms ripped off an' tried to charge an' bite the enemy, even came back with some CLF hippy's finger!"

Momma Spanelli- "I love youse' ma."


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An interview has been scheduled for a later day.

END FILE

[Banned User ID63]

epic.

[KittyHawkpilot019]

this here dossier is an epic gamer

[Bancrose]

Excellent Description of Heinz.

[Audi_Gzz]

alright. thats it, you're gonna die now pal

[bobatnight]

Gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang

[Kavlo]

another epic dossier by a gamer

[z a n e b o t]

ok this is epic

[Avalanchee]

truly epic

[Lumdor]

Hey freak show! You're going nowhere. I got you for three minutes. Three minutes of playtime.