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Passing of Bob Vancleave
TO: All enlisted, non-commissioned officers, commissioned officers and civlians stationed aboard the USS Almayer of the 2nd Battalion, 4th Brigade of the United States Colonial Marine Corps.
SUBJECT: The untimely and disconsolate passing of Private First Class Bob Vancleave.
It is with great melancholy and terrible regret that I inform to all who it may concern, that Private First Class Bob Vancleave has passed away while on leave, approximately at 8:14, Galactic Standard time on the date of 11/22/2190. Reports and the autopsy indicate that it was car accident that ended the life of Bob Vancleave. Autopsy shows that major malfunction occurred with Bob Vancleave’s Yamaha-Mitsubishi-Sony Prosthetic Virile Member, where it suddenly activated and unfortunately locked the steering wheel in place. Autopsy also shows that Vancleave survived the initial crash, but the 2174 AMC Gremlin’s fuel tank ruptured, and the fire suppressant system failed to activate. Bob Vancleave was rescued from the wrecked automobile and was evacuated to a nearby hospital, but unfortunately his heart ceased to work while in the intensive care unit and was pronounced brain dead at 8:14 PM.
“Yo I straight up saw him die. Motherfucka was peeling out of the parking lot with his 2174 AMC Gremlin, best car eva made yo, when he leans out his window and looks at me straight in the eye and goes “when I’m on ‘zine I feel like I can take on the whole world. When I’m on ‘zine I’m a god. Watch me do a flip. I’m getting road-head right now” then he tried to straight up clear the Wexford Gorge but he didn’t make it. Spun in and died. . .fucked up because he survived the crash but the flames consumed him… damn… brings a tear to my eye, sheeiiittt……” -Eye witness report at the scene of the accident.
He was given full honors at his burial at space. Condolences to his fiancée, Nina Vancleave, as they were arranging a their marriage in April of the following year.
The will of Bob Vancleave is attached below,
My deepest condolences,
Major John Powell
(This isnt me retiring Bob, this is just me making a casualty report for a meme)
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