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Thread: edgardo - Predator Application

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThesoldierLLJK View Post
    If you decide to get one more 420 I�m gonna ask that you talk to emerald about making a new official clan.

    That being said, these are the types of applications we want to see. I can�t really find any faults with it except for
    Very minor errors.

    +1
    Thanks for feedback LLJK, Hopefully the H'chak Clan will open soon officially when someone else join to our ranks,to be honest, It feels great when you said this is the kind of apps you like to see.

    Thanks and have a Happy Day.
    Last edited by edgardo; 02-16-2019 at 10:20 PM.

  2. #12
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    I really liked the story and you are a good player so why not.

    +1

  3. #13
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    I'm going to be the opposing voice here.

    The story is decently written but you have your character:

    A) Going on a hunt for a matriarch, something to which is rare and and prestigious event. I understand this was a distress call scenario however the honor to participate in such an event would need to be earned through toil and hardship, to which your character seemingly had not done prior. The Elders in your clan would have claimed the opportunity for them selves and would have left you and the rest of the young bloods/blooded behind.
    B) Not only fighting the Matriarch but executing the final blows

    Your character is written like a mary sue. It would have been far more interesting had you focused you on your characters negative traits and the hills he had to climb to be noticed in his clan. Being of such small stature he would have been aggressively picked on and dominated by other Yautja. I'm not sure why you didn't stay focused on that as there was a lot of potential with that aspect of your character.

    -1

    Humility and modesty go along away in story telling.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RobBrown4PM View Post
    I'm going to be the opposing voice here.

    The story is decently written but you have your character:

    A) Going on a hunt for a matriarch, something to which is rare and and prestigious event. I understand this was a distress call scenario however the honor to participate in such an event would need to be earned through toil and hardship, to which your character seemingly had not done prior. The Elders in your clan would have claimed the opportunity for them selves and would have left you and the rest of the young bloods/blooded behind.
    B) Not only fighting the Matriarch but executing the final blows

    Your character is written like a mary sue. It would have been far more interesting had you focused you on your characters negative traits and the hills he had to climb to be noticed in his clan. Being of such small stature he would have been aggressively picked on and dominated by other Yautja. I'm not sure why you didn't stay focused on that as there was a lot of potential with that aspect of your character.

    -1

    Humility and modesty go along away in story telling.
    Hello! Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read my app and answer it with your opinion.Thank you!.

    Although I think you have misunderstood the final part of the story, since, Lurk'tar did not fight against the matriarch
    instead while the rest of the hunters were fighting her, Lurk'tar used this opportunity to sneak and retrieve the eggs, he and lar'ja were simply observers of the Queen Fight.
    For my part I understand your point of view in which you affirm that it is very uncommon for a young-blood or Blooded to go to this type of mission, but I would like to emphasize Lurk'tar wasn't ordered to capture the queen if not to recovery of eggs as Elder remarked "You will recover the eggs on the mother ship while the other hunters clean the ship of serpents" Lurk'tar and Lar'ja were taken to retrieve the eggs while the more expert members killed the xenomorphs, the reason why I chose this type of story is was because most of stories on the preds apps are usually hunts(Which is good) though and I found something a little more original to what we are used to.

    I wanted to extend the backstory but it seemed to me that in the end it would be very long and commonly nobody wants to read a 7-10 page story for an app.

  5. #15
    Senior Admin & Training Overseer
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    +1

    I didn't see this until now or I would have given it an upvote earlier. You have the CO whitelist, so that's a bonus. You aren't a shitter, and you don't strike me as the type that would grief the entire marine force just because you could.

  6. #16
    Yautja Council Member Sora9567's Avatar
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    Well, the story looks good in my opinion, you have the CO whitelist so clearly you have the capability of High RP as it were, and whenever I see you in game I never go "Oh Goddamnit, get your safety goggles on boys, because there's gonna be a ton of debris in this trainwreck that's about to occur" so I think you can handle the responsibility of getting shot at by a bunch of dirtbags who want to steal your crap.

    In all seriousness, yeah it'll be a +1 for me, and I hope to see you around the proverbial trophy hall.
    Usually playing as Darwin 'D.J.' Jefferson, PFC (Private: Flare Carrier), or Smartgunner almost always out of ammo. Occasionally an RO who yearns for death, dealing with rampant jackassery of his coworkers.
    Against my better judgement I decided to start making Youtube videos involving Colonial Marines. Channel

    Yautja Council member as of March 17th - Now

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by edgardo View Post
    Hello! Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read my app and answer it with your opinion.Thank you!.

    Although I think you have misunderstood the final part of the story, since, Lurk'tar did not fight against the matriarch
    instead while the rest of the hunters were fighting her, Lurk'tar used this opportunity to sneak and retrieve the eggs, he and lar'ja were simply observers of the Queen Fight.
    For my part I understand your point of view in which you affirm that it is very uncommon for a young-blood or Blooded to go to this type of mission, but I would like to emphasize Lurk'tar wasn't ordered to capture the queen if not to recovery of eggs as Elder remarked "You will recover the eggs on the mother ship while the other hunters clean the ship of serpents" Lurk'tar and Lar'ja were taken to retrieve the eggs while the more expert members killed the xenomorphs, the reason why I chose this type of story is was because most of stories on the preds apps are usually hunts(Which is good) though and I found something a little more original to what we are used to.

    I wanted to extend the backstory but it seemed to me that in the end it would be very long and commonly nobody wants to read a 7-10 page story for an app.
    I do apologize about this. I did fail to see the part about the 'red serpent', that's my mistake.

    Taking this in to account I am changing my vote to +1.

    I would have kept my vote at -1 had you indeed struck the Matriarch down as it would have very much been a mary sue move.

  8. #18
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    Thanks for your feedback guys!.

    And Rob, People can make mistakes don't worry about it, Have a nice day.

  9. #19
    Senior Member x31stOverlord's Avatar
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    Well. I apologise for the length of time it's taken for me to get around to this. Been relatively busy the last few days. So, I'll get straight down to business.

    The story was good, well written and at least somewhat different in that you were present not to hunt the Queen but secure the eggs, a thing that Yautja culture indeed promotes the growth of "strong" hives, as those are the ones that have the most potential for good hunts.

    Your activity in game is good, no real bothersome notes for me to take into consideration. You have established your ability to roleplay well and I have no issue in seeing you join the hunt.

    All in all, +1
    Wolfgang Schneider - CO, CL
    Roscoe Barrett - CMP, MP, Spec
    Joshua - Synthetic
    Zathar-Veraz - Yautja
    Xenomorph - L-0-RD
    Ex Badmin Manager

  10. #20
    Senior Member Lumdor's Avatar
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    I'm going to +1 this off the fact that you've done very well in-game as a player and person. You're good at RP and a well-known person. +1

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