Lar'ja bhu'ja - Dark Ghost

[Accinator50]

Byond ID: Accinator50

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Tobias 'Elder' Haab (The nickname changes sometimes)

Name of the character you want whitelisted (The name your predator will use. This must match your in-game predator name): Lar'ja bhu'ja (Dark Ghost)

Are you familiar with the Predator Code Of Honor? Yes, I am familiar with the Code of Honor.

Character background (An ADEQUATE description and story of your predators background):

► Show Spoiler

Because Lar'ja bhu'ja's sister Ka'Torag-na mar'cte died in a duel Lar'ja bhu'ja always tries to get a honourable duel with a strong opponent. If he isnt fighting a duel he always studying his next prey.

It was a normal day for Lar'ja bhu'ja. He went hunting with his sister Ka'Torag-na mar'cte.
It was a good hunt and as he wanted to go back and meet his sister he suddenly heared something... as he walked closer to the sound he saw his sister Lar'ja bhu'ja. But she wasnt alone. She made a duel against a human and Lar'ja bhu'ja already knew that Ka'Torag-na mar'cte would loose. She was full of blood, her own blood. Lar'ja bhu'ja wanted to help his sister but he couldnt do something because it was an honourable duel. So Lar'ja bhu'ja had to wait. A few minutes later Ka'Torag-na mar'cte fall on the ground. Lar'ja bhu'ja hoped that the human would give her sister mercy but the human cut of her throat. From this moment he always thinks of Ka'Torag-na mar'cte and how the human killed her.

How do you intend to play your predator (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your predator)?
My predator lost his sister to a human in a honourable duel so he also tries to fight many duels with humans.
Of course my predator is also hunting but he always tries to get a difficult and honourable prey and if there isnt a strong and honourable prey he also attacks huge groups.
He always tries to get more honor so he also tries to kill the Xenos Queen or high ranked humans.
I am trying to play a predator who lost his sister to a human in a duel. So i am also trying to play that he hates humans and has problems when he has to talk or hunt with another predator. My predators is also going to prey to his sister before every hunt.
Of course my predator isnt only killing without RPing. I am trying to make every round funnier. So im also talking to humans and I am trying to RP as much as I can.

Why should we whitelist you?
I think that i could manage that the round would be more fun. I try to RP as often as I can and i am also trying to get humans on the predator ship and there i would make lots of stuff. Maybe Im also trying to make duels with predators. I would also try to make a duel with the acting Commander or even with the Queen.
But i wouldnt only make duels and kill them i also try to RP while fighting a duel and i would also give mercy to those who faught a good duel.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)? I was banned for EORG on the 12.08.2018 but it was an accident.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why? No, the EORG bann was my first bann I have ever had.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or disobey the Predator Code of Honor?
Yes, i understand that any player can have their whitelist status revoken.

[Bancrose]

The story is short, really short actually but. The Quirk and Playstyle is something that is very intriguing.

Going to lean on a +1 but Neutral for now.

Tell me some more about your Preds backstory?

[Accinator50]

The story is short, really short actually but. The Quirk and Playstyle is something that is very intriguing.

Going to lean on a +1 but Neutral for now.

Tell me some more about your Preds backstory?

Im not the best one in writing a story but i am trying to make a better story... Im just adding it to my app.

[Aracino]

Alright so, this app is way too short. I don't know anything about your predator outside of "His sister died to a human in a duel". The play style I don't find unique personally, it's mainly just that you're going to dual people a bunch. I don't really judge it based on that however. I do judge it based on how well it's formatted. You missed a lot of capitalization on I's and seemed to struggle with making sentences sound right. I'd recommend improving your sentence structure and trying again in future, and try to develop your predators personality. I'll have to give this a -1 for now, given I don't think this app is up to standards.

[Accinator50]

The story is short, really short actually but. The Quirk and Playstyle is something that is very intriguing.

Going to lean on a +1 but Neutral for now.

Tell me some more about your Preds backstory?

I cant edit the app so im just gonna make it here:

► Show Spoiler

Lar'ja bhu'jas' young days:
Lar'ja bhu'ja was always an outsider. He got often harassed. But he didnt care if the other predators would like him or not. His only goal was to become the most honourable predator of all time. So he studied nearly the whole time. He always tried to get a better fighter. He also studied a lot of other lifeforms. He knows nearly everything about the human race and about the Xenos. He learned every little information about hunting traps.
When he hadnt learned he was togehter with his sister Ka'Torag-na mar'cte. She was the only predator he really liked.

The Hunt:
Lar'ja bhu'ja was on a tree near a cave. but it wasnt only a cave, in this cave some Xenos decided to make their hive. Lar'ja bhu'ja watched the entrence closely. Its only a question of time until a Xeno comes out of the Cave. Lar'ja bhu'ja thought. And if he had learned one thing then that he has lots of time.
There... he saw a Xeno... It looks strong Lar'ja bhu'ja thought Its a perfect prey. He jumped down from his tree and attacked the Xeno with an incredible speed.
The predator won the fight really fast. Too fast for Lar'ja bhu'jas´ opion but it was still a fight.


A dark day for Lar'ja bhu'ja :
It was a normal day for Lar'ja bhu'ja. He went hunting with his sister Ka'Torag-na mar'cte.
It was a good hunt and as he wanted to go back and meet his sister he suddenly heared something... as he walked closer to the sound he saw his sister Lar'ja bhu'ja. But she wasnt alone. She made a duel against a human and Lar'ja bhu'ja already knew that Ka'Torag-na mar'cte would loose. She was full of blood, her own blood. Lar'ja bhu'ja wanted to help his sister but he couldnt do something because it was an honourable duel. So Lar'ja bhu'ja had to wait. A few minutes later Ka'Torag-na mar'cte fall on the ground. Lar'ja bhu'ja hoped that the human would give her sister mercy but the human cut of her throat. From this moment he always thinks of Ka'Torag-na mar'cte and how the human killed her.

The long vengeance:
This human took me everything i loved thought Lar'ja bhu'ja May my sister see my hunting and may i bring honor over her and my familiy.
He made a fast preyer for his sister and then started his daily search for an honourable human who could be a good prey or even a good opponent in a duel.
After a long search he found an human who looked strong and who commanded several other humans. Lar'ja bhu'ja followed the human until he was alone then he walked infront of the human and gave him a sword. FIGHT WITH ME HUMAN Lar'ja bhu'ja said. The first reaction of the human was a loud scream but after a few minutes the human calm down and asked What are you? Fight and win human the I will tell you what I am! The Human slowely took the sword and went into a defensive position. The duel started but the human has no time to make an attack because he always had to block the beatsof Lar'ja bhu'ja. With every stroke Lar'ja bhu'ja made the human had to retreat a bit. The human dropped his defensive position for a few seconds and Lar'ja bhu'ja smelled the chanche. He quickly knock the humans head off. Lar'ja bhu'ja aready heared human voices.Looks ike they heared us fighting. He though and he disappered in the dark with the humans' body before the first soldiers arrived.

Hope this is a better background story... and if not I just have to improve my writing skills

[Accinator50]

Alright so, this app is way too short. I don't know anything about your predator outside of "His sister died to a human in a duel". The play style I don't find unique personally, it's mainly just that you're going to dual people a bunch. I don't really judge it based on that however. I do judge it based on how well it's formatted. You missed a lot of capitalization on I's and seemed to struggle with making sentences sound right. I'd recommend improving your sentence structure and trying again in future, and try to develop your predators personality. I'll have to give this a -1 for now, given I don't think this app is up to standards.

Thank you for your feedback and sorry for the bad english. Its because I had not so much time because I am going to a birthday party this evening.

[Aracino]

Thank you for your feedback and sorry for the bad english. Its because I had not so much time because I am going to a birthday party this evening.

Pred apps aren't something you should rush. My vote atm isn't going to change, plus I'm not sure you're allowed to add more story after you post your app. I highly recommend listening to my original post, as for the moment I doubt you'll be able to RP a pred effectively based on your writing.

[Youngblood]

ok, so just to name a few issues and/or inconsistencies i spotted:

- if your pred doesn't find honorable prey, he wouldn't hesitate to attack larger groups.

personal preference, but i would rather have predators take a step back when they can't find worthwhile prey, as opposed to 1v20 battles against zergs. i mean, obviously there's times where exceptions can and should be made, but it should not be done lightheartedly and most definitely not because you simply can't find an individual target.

- killing the xeno queen or higher ranking humans for "more honor"

again, personal preference, but i feel like those should be the last to target during hunts. it can shift the balance of a round massively, all for a quick thrill. predators, in my humble opinion, should be used as a tool to spice rounds up, not to have them end prematurely.

- "would have problems talking to humans AND preds"

i don't see why your pred's killed sister would lead to problems with other preds, but fair enough. what actually worries me though, is that in (literally) the next sentence you mention how you're going to make rounds more fun by interacting, roleplaying and essentially talking to humans. it's paradoxical. besides, roleplaying does not imply that you're going to have to be all touchy-feely towards humans, or any faction for that matter. you're an antagonist and i'm not sure you've grasped the concept entirely judging by your application.


lastly, your app was really short, beyond a reasonable show of effort tbh. don't get me wrong, you don't have to write up a crazy, dramatic story or whatever, but if it's gonna be short, it's gonna have to be convincing otherwise - which it is not.

-1

[Ghostdex]

This app kind of rubs me the wrong way.

The story is barely two paragraphs, it doesn't show much creativity or effort. The playstyle doesn't make sense, why attack large groups if you can't find worthy prey? Attacking the queen and possibly killing her is round altering and thus something you shouldn't really being doing in game.

Something wrong in the 'why should we whitelist you' section is where you mention you would spare a strong opponent that had dueled you, that's something you should not do, you take a trophy from a strong opponent or you dishonor them, its somewhat the opposite if its weak, you throw it back so it can get stronger.

Going with a -1 here for the above.

[Symbiosis]

The story is extremely short... and doesn’t touch much on the Yautja beside being a vengeful one that hates Humans.

Without more to read I can’t in good faith give you a +1. Unfortunately I’ll have to leave it as a no from my end.

-1

[spartanbobby]

I saw you around a fair bit a few weeks ago but not so much recently
I'll Echo Sym on the story but your forum activity also needs a fair bit of improvement

-1

[NescauComToddy]

Generally, short stories are the best, but shortening the background so much is something that distorts the application and takes away the effect of "low quantity, good quality".

The method by which you intend to play can easily interrupt and modify the round remarkably negatively. Engaging large groups of marines, or hunting the Queen itself are actions that generate huge amounts of salt, contempt for predators and in general actions that one should not commit. When it is not found worthy prey, no predator should ever do any of the above actions.

Only those reasons are enough to make me have a negative view of this application. -1

[Sailor Dave]

The story needs a little bit more meat, and your activity is a bit low. Your playstyle is also a bit concerning for the reasons mentioned.

-1

[Accinator50]

The story needs a little bit more meat, and your activity is a bit low. Your playstyle is also a bit concerning for the reasons mentioned.

-1

I was very active but now I don't have time to play...

[Sambalu]

This app was just too short in my opinion. For reasons already listed above, I'm going to give this a -1.

[Emeraldblood]

Resolved - Denied; Work on improving your story. Feel free to ask others for help if you want to.