Alicia - VortexGames Synthetic App

[VortexGaming]

Byond ID:VortexGaming

Marine Name (so we know who you are; if you play alien mostly, state that here): Kaitlynn "Maverick" Lawson. Recently though I've been playing Xeno a lot

Name/Designation of the Synth Character you’re requesting to use (Follows common naming rules, and requires a first name with no last name): Alicia
Examples of acceptable names: James, Mason, Xavier, Felix, Otto, Allan, Jessica
Examples of unacceptable names: Obama, Jesus, King, Dragon, Godly, Snyper, Circuits

Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines (viewtopic.php?f=57&t=14417)?
I am. I've been reading all the guidelines to the whitelist roles as well.

Synthetic Character Story (An ADEQUATE description and story of your Synthetics actions and involvement in a previous mission onboard the Almayer):
Alicia looks like an average white American with blonde wavy hair, she is about 5'7 in height.

► Show Spoiler

Briefing:
Commander "Alright men, Today we will be deploying on a WY colony. it has a CLF problem that I entrust for you to get rid of. Today you will be accompanied by a new Synthetic unit, Alicia.
Do treat her kindly as if she were human not some tool... Now objectives, Alpha you will be deploying on DS1 FOB Duty. Bravo, you will be QRF deploying DS1. Delta and Charlie You are scouting the Colony in a counter-clockwise fashion, deploying on DS2. That will be it for briefing, your SO's will provide you with more information as the OP progresses. DISMISSED"

Alicia walks over to the commander "Shall I deploy with DS1 to provide medical and engineering help?"

Commander "Indeed, please don't get too attached to the Marines we need you focusing on the operation."

Alicia "Will do."
Alicia then reaches to straighten the Commanders Beret.

Alicia "All nice and tidy Sweetie."

Commander " Thank you, Alicia. I didn't know it was uneven."

Alicia "You're welcome, I shall be off then."

Commander " Farewell Alicia. Come back safe."

Alicia walks out of the briefing room.

Deployment:

Alicia sits down on the Alamo next to the back door.

a marine walks over to Alicia saying "Damn she really does look like a human, freaky thing."

Alicia "I can assure you despite my looks I'm purely synthetic. no need to be freaked out" Alicia looks at the ID of the man and see's his name is Alexander.


Alexander "I know you're synthetic. Don't mean I won't be any less freaked."

Alicia "I apologize if I freak you out then Alexander."

Marine mutters "Yeah." as he walks away.

PO over comms "Dustin off lads, buckle up."

The Alamo takes off leaving the Alamo silent besides the whispers of the marines. after a while the Alamo finally lands on the colony, everyone then leaves the Alamo, except Alicia who waits for the last person to get off before leaving herself.

As the engineers begin building the FOB a loud sound of a gun firing, along with the whizz of the bullet, and the eventual thud of it hitting someone arises it causes everyone to scramble behind barricades to avoid getting shot themselves. Alicia rushes over to the barricade to see a marine out in the open bleeding on the floor, she rushes to pick him up and start dragging him to cover safely, she ends up getting shot in the back but continues moving forward. A few more shots go off and Alicia hugs the marine blocking the bullets from hitting him.
"I got you now hun, It alright," Alicia says.
Alicia rushes the marine to the very back of the FOB by the landing zone and begins to treat the marine, he was shot in the shoulder blade.


James " H-heya robot, I don't know how bad this is but I-I can't move my right arm. am I gonna be alright."

Alicia " Yes you will make a full recovery. you just have a broken shoulder and some internal bleeding I see no exit wound so you probably also have the bullet stuck in as well. I will bring you up to medical where I can get the supplies to perform surgery to remove it."

James begins tearing up "I-I am just unlucky aren't I."

Alicia injects quick clot, and oxycodone into the shot marine.

Alicia "No need to cry, let the oxycodone fix the pain now for luck I guess you could say I'm lucky to have been able to save you. If you were to have died I would have been unhappy."

James "T-Thought robots don't h-have feelings."

Alicia loads the marine onto a stretcher "We don't, but some are programmed to display feelings during certain events. you dying would be one of them."

…

Alicia "Hello? Hm, he passed out."

Alicia drags the marine onboard the Alamo sitting next to him...

Medbay a little while after the shot marine is healed:

The previously shot marine walks out of the operating room.

Alicia after replacing a blood bag looks up and sees the shot marine, walking up to him.

Alicia "Are you feeling alright now?"

James "Better, still hurts a bit though."

Alicia "Wonderful. I was worried about you. I care about the wellbeing and happiness of all the crew of the Almayer."

James "Yeah... thanks for saving my life. when I was shot it felt like everything was in slow motion... I thought I was going to die."

James begins tearing up again.

Alicia "No need to cry. would you like a hug to feel better?"


James" No thank you, Alicia. I'm glad we got you with us this operation."

Alicia " I was made to serve, Don't get hurt now, sweetie!"

As the marine walks away Alicia finishes up her duties in Medbay.


Hours later most of the marines come back from the colony with 12 KIA'S leaving the mission Mostly successful.

How do you intend to play your Synth (as in, describe HOW you will act/play your Synth and what support roles you’ll mainly focus on, what is your synthetics quirk)?
I Intend to be a more nurturing Synthetic who while doesn't really understand much about feelings besides what she was programmed to know, tries to care for marines feelings while doing her job, acting like a mother sometimes.

How familiar are you with support roles? (ie; Medical, MT, Science, SO)
I know most things about each role with probably one or two tips or tricks I can learn.

Medical: I've played it a lot and know how to do the surgeries and heal Marines.
Maintenence: I know how to do all the engineering crap though sometimes I get stumped on some stuff needing to check the wiki.
Command: I've played a lot including XO. I've had to deal with some Meme CO's but I can lead fairly well with the occasional slip-up.
Security: I play this the most out of all the support roles. I love MP though at sometimes it can be boring if all the Marines follow the marine law.
Why should we whitelist you?

I feel when I play this synthetic I would act sort of like a mother, giving advice and emotional support whilst doing the jobs of a synthetic. I don't currently know if another synthetic's already doing something like this but I feel I could bring a good RP experience to CM.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason (we will check, and lies may result in immediate denial)?
No I have not.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?
No, I'm not banned, and haven't been banned from any other server. (Besides CM when I first joined and didn't fully understand the rules)
Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline?
Yes.

[Jakkkk]

You have few forum posts which will throw people off, there are minor grammatical errors, but those are gonna get better over time.

Everything is there for me to give me a +1 however, your quirk is a quirk, your story introduces your synthetic and shows how they are different from an average AI or just another David, and I've seen you IC enough for your claims of being good at the departments to have validity.

[MattAtlas]

Decent quirk, the story's good and I've seen you around-- your roleplay isn't too shabby. +1.

[VortexGaming]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll continue to bring up my forum activity.

[Kavlo]

The quirk while similar to others done before is different and hopefully can be done well. The backstory is well written and gives a good amount of information relating to the quirk, history and synth themself.

This application clearly had a lot of effort put into it and it shows.

+1.

[Aceluke123]

I like your application overall, I also know you can roleplay and do believe you should probably get this whitelist.

Your story and application seem to have work put into it which I can see your personality quirk simply from reading it.

My only problem is the lack of replies on this app as it has been up for a long period.
Also, you are still active on the server. That is nice to see

Essentially a +1 from me, but more community feedback would be lovely.
Ps. I wish you made the way you formatted the app a bit better, but you only have an hour to do so and can't fix it now.

[z a n e b o t]

So I'll go ahead and give this a +1.

The backstory is ok and your quirk can work out very well if you're able to pull it off which I think you'll be able to.

No major issues other than getting your forum presence up and activity ingame.

[VortexGaming]

I like your application overall, I also know you can roleplay and do believe you should probably get this whitelist.

Your story and application seem to have work put into it which I can see your personality quirk simply from reading it.

My only problem is the lack of replies on this app as it has been up for a long period.
Also, you are still active on the server. That is nice to see

Essentially a +1 from me, but more community feedback would be lovely.
Ps. I wish you made the way you formatted the app a bit better, but you only have an hour to do so and can't fix it now.

Improve the formatting in which way? the color scheme of the text to make it easier to read, the spacing, the font size? this information would help me in the future.

[Sulaboy]

For the formatting Luke was probably talking about the font size of the questions.

I enjoyed your story, and could see how you tried to input your knowledge of synthetics into it. I dig your quirk, and your story gives a bit of insight into how it would work ingame which is neat. I also know I've seen you ingame before, and if I recall correctly you should be able to handle this role. +1

[Solarmare]

Main issues would be the forum activity and grammar, but the second is one that isn't too much of an issue but is always best improved. It's a quirk close enough to others but can stand out as distinct if you can carry out the motherly sort of act as noted. I'll give this app a +1, I don't think issues would come out of you being a synth with what's been noted by others so far.

[Bengalninja]

+1 from me. The story is really good, although a bit short IMO. I haven't seen your character around before, although you did mention you have been playing xeno recently. I really like the quirk, could make for some really interesting roleplay. I hope to see this synthetic accepted.

[Tharinoma]

Backstory shows you probably won't have any trouble roleplaying like a synth. Good enough for me yes +1.

[Omicega]

The story is more like a script than a story and honestly it leaves me very doubtful. It's a collection of sentences and broken up line by line, which isn't really so much a stylistic choice so much as just a big mistake from where I'm sitting.

I have doubts about your in-game competency too, to be blunt. Earlier this week you nearly left me unsplinted because you hadn't gotten a handle on what "Bone fractures detected" means on the health analyser. Competency in-game isn't really something that should factor into a whitelist application, to be fair - it's more about the roleplay and character ability - but especially for a synthetic and a mentor one at that, I would be very surprised to have to repeatedly push just to get my chest splinted for something that most medical players learn in their first round.

-1

[VortexGaming]

The story is more like a script than a story and honestly, it leaves me very doubtful. It's a collection of sentences and broken up line by line, which isn't really so much a stylistic choice so much as just a big mistake from where I'm sitting.

I have doubts about your in-game competency too, to be blunt. Earlier this week you nearly left me unsplinted because you hadn't gotten a handle on what "Bone fractures detected" means on the health analyzer. Competency in-game isn't really something that should factor into a whitelist application, to be fair - it's more about the roleplay and character ability - but especially for a synthetic and a mentor one at that, I would be very surprised to have to repeatedly push just to get my chest splinted for something that most medical players learn in their first round.

-1

Your opinion is fair, but that round I was playing medic I misread the analyzer. I didn’t notice it said that there were fractures else where. Mistakes do happen even mentors aren’t perfect. It wasn’t not knowing, but more not paying enough attention.

Edit: oh and for the way I made the story? It’s supposed to be like that. From what I learned from my English teacher during a narrative you are supposed to skip a line after dialogues but I know it’s intentional I hope that answers all your doubts

[KingPhilipIII]

I have the same concerns Omicega did with regards to your story being more akin to the script since it's mostly just dialogue, but I don't find that a deal breaker personally, considering in-game interactions are dialogue and actual in-game movement, with some 'me' emotes. With regards to your formatting, you are supposed to start a new line whenever someone different starts speaking from whoever was previously doing so, but skipping a line is not needed. On paper that would just create unneeded bloat.

That fact aside, I don't have much of an issue with your application, I like your Synth's quirk and in general you strike me as a competent player from what I've seen of you, nobody is perfect and sometimes people make stupid mistakes so +1.

[ThesoldierLLJK]

Everything looks fine to me application wise, I'm not one of these guys who expects a novel, but something that shows you can roleplay which you did.
+1

[Sleepy Retard]

Besides Omicega being buttmad as they usually are, the story is OK, the quirk is OK, the grammar is meh, I think everyone has already covered the main concerns, really. I can give a +1.

Now, onto the script thing since truthfully, I have a decent amount of experience with this - next time you write a story, avoid this completely. The content is fine, but beyond a storyboard to express an idea, this is something you really DON'T want to do. I'll be blunt from this part forward, considering this doesn't matter to the application itself, just the formatting. Scripts adopt this way of writing for clarity, you don't need to describe the environment or what the person is doing - they're going to be doing in front of a live audience. As it currently stands, you're leaving out a lot of details for a lot of things - how everything works, and how the reader will paint a picture in their head. As it stands, you incorporate very little details and any picture in the readers head is going to be bland or basic, if they even make one. On top of this, you show very little competency with reader tags, and I actually suspect you wrote it in this style to avoid using them. Now, does this matter to what you're applying for? Nah, not at all - it's done for you, it's not an issue.

Lets look at improving the script format, should you choose to keep using it.
------------
Alicia walks over to the commander "Shall I deploy with DS1 to provide medical and engineering help?"

Commander "Indeed, please don't get too attached to the Marines we need you focusing on the operation."

Alicia "Will do."
Alicia then reaches to straighten the Commanders Beret.

Alicia "All nice and tidy Sweetie."

Commander " Thank you, Alicia. I didn't know it was uneven."

Alicia "You're welcome, I shall be off then."

Commander " Farewell Alicia. Come back safe."

This is messy, and can be fixed up quite easily with a few changes, such as making the NAMES BOLD, actions using italics, removing quotations and instead adding colons after each name, you won't need the quotations in a script format - the colon with the name will do fine, and by adding the starting location at the start. As well, in scripts you add (Emotions) in brackets either before the sentence or after, it matters not - the only thing that matters is you consistently do it the same way. Here is it in practice:
------------
In the briefing room of the U.S.S Almayer, the Commander of the ship is giving briefing to his men. As it finishes up, the Almayer's synthetic unit, Alicia, walks up to the Commander.

ALICIA: Shall I deploy with DS1 to provide medical and engineering help?

COMMANDER: Indeed, please don't get too attached to the Marines we need you focusing on the operation.

ALICIA: Will do.

Alicia reaches to straighten the Commander's Beret.

ALICIA: All nice and tidy, sweetie.

COMMANDER: Thank you, Alicia. I didn't know it was uneven. (Awkwardly)

ALICIA: You're welcome, I shall be off, then.

COMMANDER: Farewell Alicia. Come back safe.
------------

Here is hoping your next written piece improves.

[VortexGaming]

Besides Omicega being buttmad as they usually are, the story is OK, the quirk is OK, the grammar is meh, I think everyone has already covered the main concerns, really.

Now, onto the script thing since truthfully, I have a decent amount of experience with this - next time you write a story, avoid this completely. The content is fine, but beyond a storyboard to express an idea, this is something you really DON'T want to do. I'll be blunt from this part forward, considering this doesn't matter to the application itself, just the formatting. Scripts adopt this way of writing for clarity, you don't need to describe the environment or what the person is doing - they're going to be doing in front of a live audience. As it currently stands, you're leaving out a lot of details for a lot of things - how everything works, and how the reader will paint a picture in their head. As it stands, you incorporate very little details and any picture in the readers head is going to be bland or basic, if they even make one. On top of this, you show very little competency with reader tags, and I actually suspect you wrote it in this style to avoid using them. Now, does this matter to what you're applying for? Nah, not at all - it's done for you, it's not an issue.

Lets look at improving the script format, should you choose to keep using it.
------------
Alicia walks over to the commander "Shall I deploy with DS1 to provide medical and engineering help?"

Commander "Indeed, please don't get too attached to the Marines we need you focusing on the operation."

Alicia "Will do."
Alicia then reaches to straighten the Commanders Beret.

Alicia "All nice and tidy Sweetie."

Commander " Thank you, Alicia. I didn't know it was uneven."

Alicia "You're welcome, I shall be off then."

Commander " Farewell Alicia. Come back safe."

This is messy, and can be fixed up quite easily with a few changes, such as making the NAMES BOLD, actions using italics, removing quotations and instead adding colons after each name, you won't need the quotations in a script format - the colon with the name will do fine, and by adding the starting location at the start. As well, in scripts you add (Emotions) in brackets either before the sentence or after, it matters not - the only thing that matters is you consistently do it the same way. Here is it in practice:
------------
In the briefing room of the U.S.S Almayer, the Commander of the ship is giving briefing to his men. As it finishes up, the Almayer's synthetic unit, Alicia, walks up to the Commander.

ALICIA: Shall I deploy with DS1 to provide medical and engineering help?

COMMANDER: Indeed, please don't get too attached to the Marines we need you focusing on the operation.

ALICIA: Will do.

Alicia reaches to straighten the Commander's Beret.

ALICIA: All nice and tidy, sweetie.

COMMANDER: Thank you, Alicia. I didn't know it was uneven. (Awkwardly)

ALICIA: You're welcome, I shall be off, then.

COMMANDER: Farewell Alicia. Come back safe.
------------

Here is hoping your next written piece improves.

Alright thanks, I see where I need to improve. I especially need to add more emotion to how the characters are feeling during their speech.

[Sambalu]

Your synthetic's quirk is alright, and you seem to have a solid understanding of how synths would behave, however a major point of criticism is the way you wrote the story. It could use more details, as the "script" approach leaves us readers to fill in most of the blanks. Compared to a more conventional backstory, it's slightly bland in the sense that it's just missing alot of details. Keep this in mind for your next whitelist application. Though I believe that you would have no problems with roleplaying as a synthetic, so I'm going to stay neutral leaning slightly twoards a +1

[Karmac]

The backstory leaves a lot to be desired and the way you've written it makes your synth come across more as a robot that just found out humans like hugs and being called 'sweetie' while retaining a very robotic way of conversing in-between these instances. I'm sure everyone's already addressed these concerns however and as long as you manage to appear more human in-game with your actions and conversations I won't have anything to complain about. Going with neutral due to lack of positive points.

[Alky]

Eh.... I’ll still give you a +1, but I felt indifferent about what you did even though you introduced marines who did identify you as a synth but didn’t really do much. Your storytelling is nice and tidy, but led to a real lock in what you were doing which didn’t really lead me into imagination.

Still a +1 though so keep it up and get good I guess?

[Ghostdex]

This app really doesn't shine to me, the story wasn't enjoyable and the quirk wasn't all that new. You're a pretty alright person so I'm not going to -1 but I am going to go neutral on this.

[Mvp777]

While it reads like a script, which can be a plus or minus depending on the person i don't find it to be an issue. Quirk is different and if done well could make for some interesting RP. All in all a fairly decent application, i'm fairly curious as to how you'd play out this character in-game so i'm going with a +1

[SovietKitty]

+1, while I believe competency is incredibly important, and Omicega's comment brings up some concerns I think it's an easy mistake to curb.

But so help me if I catch you leaving anything unsplinted.

[Emeraldblood]

Resolved - Accepted