Lucky 3C - NoahKirchner Synth Application

[NoahKirchner]

Classified [Level 3]
Property of Weyland-Yutani/United Americas
Do Not Replicate

Byond ID: NoahKirchner

Marine Name: Scott Ivors (Enlisted), Michael Braddock (Officer), formerly Hunter Thames and Noah Kirchner

Name/Designation of Artificial Person: Lucky

Are you familiar with the Synthetic Programming and Guidelines?
Affirmative

Synthetic Mission Log [LV-232|2184|USS Almayer]

► Show Spoiler

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Lucky sat quietly and alone in the astro-navigational deck, the only sounds the faint ticking of a watch and the even fainter mechanical whirs of his hands as he neatly filled out the stack of paperwork sat in a pile before him. As he began to near the end of the pile, his perfectly tuned mind operating at peak functionality to decipher the forms in record time, he noticed the light in the CIC suddenly switch on. The flood of light prompted him to stand up and step into the CIC to greet the command staff for this operation, ready to ensure that all of their needs were met and his responsibilities handled. Lucky walked up to the commander, arms neatly clasped behind his back and his feet planted a proper distance apart from each other on the floor. The commander, still groggy and awaiting the arrival of his staff officers from their quarters, began explaining the operational report. It was to be a fairly simple operation, the Weyland-Yutani shake-and-bake colony LV-232 had been experiencing issues with unrest as a result of working conditions, and it had all culminated in the bombing of an atmospheric terraformer in an attempt to cause a mass evacuation.

The Falling Falcons were to be sent planetside to restore order, ensure that there were no further civilian casualties, and to maintain martial law until the 1st Colonial Support division could arrive to conduct repairs and establish more permanent peacekeeping operations in the area. As such, Lucky was ordered to awaken the marines from hypersleep and ensure that all operations shipside were running smoothly. With his orders in mind, he quickly moved down to the main deck of the USS Almayer, made his way to the hypersleep management console and awoke the marines.

While they slowly and sluggishly pulled themselves out of their hypersleep pods to make their way to the canteen, Lucky did some final checks on the cryogenic storage systems and then made his way to the canteen and took a seat with alpha squad. The conversation was scarce, and in an attempt to lighten the mood for the marines, he decided to tell a joke. He looked across the table at a marine whose face he did not recognize, a rifleman no older than nineteen, and he asked him a question. "What are you doing?", asked Lucky to the rifleman. "I'm ... eating", he said awkwardly, clearly confused by the synthetic's obvious question. "Hi eating, I'm Lucky, how are you doing today?", asked Lucky, dawning his most perfect, if slightly concerning smile. The rifleman stared back, clearly very confused. Lucky continued staring at the man, unwavering in his determination to crack a smile from this poor private who clearly did not get the joke. The staring and smiling continued for another twenty seconds until the rifleman finally cracked an awkward smile in an attempt to end the torture that this interaction had been. With that, Lucky's job was done, and he knew that he had probably brightened the marine's day with his impeccable humour. He quickly finished up his cornbread MRE and rushed to engineering to begin his check of shipside operations.

He first stopped at engineering, checked the reactors and exchanged pleasantries with the maintenance crew. Then, just as quickly as he arrived, he made his way to requisitions, then medical and the pilot bunks, and after a few minutes he could say with certainty that all of the ship's crew were ready for deployment. Remembering the sluggishness and grogginess of the commander, he gathered coffee, an MRE and a cigar and made his way back to the CIC to ensure that the commander was feeling his best. As the commander sat down to eat, graciously thanking Lucky for his forethought, he ordered him to head down to the medical bay to greet and comfort the injured civilians until it was safe to return to the planetside hospital. With his orders having been received and his duty clear, he made his way down to the medical bay and awaited the arrival of any injured civilians so that he could do his best to ensure that they felt safe aboard the Almayer.

How do you intend to play your Synth?

I plan to play my synth as a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him. As far as roleplay and gameplay goes, this will hopefully manifest in a primary focus on encouragement, light triage and logistics roles, with hopefully some interaction to be had with the more obscure crew jobs aboard the Almayer like researcher and maintenance technician and some fun paperwork doing in the background.

How familiar are you with support roles?

I primarily play support roles, with bridge staff, squad leader, squad medic and engineering positions taking up the vast majority of the roles that I play, and I am confident in my abilities in any job on the Almayer.

Why should we whitelist you?

I feel like I can add a unique character to the Almayer that will brighten the experience of the marines and civilians onboard and make for a more memorable round for everybody involved. I don't want to play a synth for the abilities, instead I find genuine interest in the roleplay that can grow out of interactions between synthetic and organic life in the Aliens universe, and I hope to explore some of this roleplay.

Have you been banned from CM in the last month for any reason?

That's a negative, ghost rider.

Are you currently banned from any other servers and if so, why?

Not that I know of, I had a perma on vore for griefing but I got it appealed about a year ago and beyond that I don't think I've ever been perma'd.

Do you understand that any player - donor or otherwise - can have their whitelist status revoked should they break our rules or the Synthetic Programming Guideline?
Sure do.

[driecg36]

finally someone else appreciates colored text +1

[Jakkkk]

This is a massive -1, which is a shame because you're a really good player.

Lucky is a name for a dog if anything, you only have ONE line of dialogue from your synth in that entire story. It doesn't really show that he is a nurturing or caring figure either, if anything it provides me with the quirk of being hilariously disconnected with social queues. You're a cool player, but I would not trust you to play a synthetic after seeing this application.

How to fix this application next time around is simple; add more dialogue. A synth in game is 90% dialogue RP, you need to get a quirk that will affect how you speak in one way or another. I personally use the "sir/madame/Master" thing when referring to people, like sir Carson or Master Kennel. Lily uses Mister and Misses, and Cynthia uses saints and craftsmen. It separates them from the rest of the synth crowd by having their quirk shown through the radio rather than a personal experience to get the RP out of them. With this quirk, it'll likely copy many others with just being polite and concerned over everyone's well-being.

My next piece of advise for your future application (I'm gonna force you to make another, you're too good of an RPer to not be a synthetic) is to make a more interesting story. From this story, all I can gather is him waking up, cracking a joke, then giving the commander a coffee. Maybe introduce an interaction with another synth, them teaching a new MT some tricks or something, a story that will show who they are, provide interesting dialogue, and captivate the audience.

Better luck next time bud.

[NoahKirchner]

This is a massive -1, which is a shame because you're a really good player.

Lucky is a name for a dog if anything, you only have ONE line of dialogue from your synth in that entire story. It doesn't really show that he is a nurturing or caring figure either, if anything it provides me with the quirk of being hilariously disconnected with social queues. You're a cool player, but I would not trust you to play a synthetic after seeing this application.

How to fix this application next time around is simple; add more dialogue. A synth in game is 90% dialogue RP, you need to get a quirk that will affect how you speak in one way or another. I personally use the "sir/madame/Master" thing when referring to people, like sir Carson or Master Kennel. Lily uses Mister and Misses, and Cynthia uses saints and craftsmen. It separates them from the rest of the synth crowd by having their quirk shown through the radio rather than a personal experience to get the RP out of them. With this quirk, it'll likely copy many others with just being polite and concerned over everyone's well-being.

My next piece of advise for your future application (I'm gonna force you to make another, you're too good of an RPer to not be a synthetic) is to make a more interesting story. From this story, all I can gather is him waking up, cracking a joke, then giving the commander a coffee. Maybe introduce an interaction with another synth, them teaching a new MT some tricks or something, a story that will show who they are, provide interesting dialogue, and captivate the audience.

Better luck next time bud.

Certainly valid criticism on retrospect. Admittedly, I was planning on going with a dad-bot quirk and then I checked the other applications before I submitted and saw that it was already yoinked, so I did some last minute adjustments to story and quirk to try to salvage the work that I'd put into it. I do certainly appreciate the criticism, and now that you mention it I see where this story certainly falls flat as far as actually showing the character and perhaps I need to flush them out a bit more before I try this again.

As far as the name thing goes, Lucky is a valid name for a boy, I figured short and sweet is better than unique and difficult to type, but point taken.

I appreciate the compliments you gave though and hopefully I can impress you next time around, and again, thank you for the criticism.

[NoahKirchner]

Alright, after thinking about it a bit I believe that this application was submitted a bit prematurely. The quirk isn't unique and I don't think I'd have any fun roleplaying this character because of its rather bland and boring nature so hopefully it's closed whenever NGGJamie has a chance to check synth applications.

That said, if you have any other criticisms of the writing style in particular, which is something that I can work on (Not so much about the quirk because I plan on entirely ditching it), please do share so that I can improve my story next time with something that properly shows the unique nature of my synth. Otherwise, I'd be content with this being closed whenever anybody has a chance to do so and I'll re-apply in two months from then with an application which I feel properly embodies a character that will be interesting to play and, more importantly, interesting to interact with.

[Kavlo]

Aye Noah was looking good till you dropped the ball on the backstory's quality, everything else looks fine. Better luck next time mate.

[NoahKirchner]

Aye Noah was looking good till you dropped the ball on the backstory's quality, everything else looks fine. Better luck next time mate.

For sure, any comments on how I could improve the backstory's quality for next time?

[Kavlo]

For sure, any comments on how I could improve the backstory's quality for next time?

Sorry probably should've done that the first time but I was a bit tired.

Mainly your problem with your backstory is direction of your character, simple put like mentioned already you didn't show your synth off much. You explained what your synth was doing most of the time but not so much showing how your synth with interact with people which is the main thing you'll be doing when playing synth. You say yourself here "a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him" so that gives you a lot of options within your backstory frame you've come up with to show this off, in the story it's said that the marines are basically there to restore order on the colony for Weyland which could've given you a lot of options to show off your character.

My recommendation is have it so instead the backstory is set after or during the mission and have Lucky interact with either distraught marines or civilians for whatever reason that may be, maybe they're wounded, maybe they saw something traumatizing or maybe they made a bad mistake, it's up to you what you do with it.
The problem with giving criticism about this your backstory is while it is written very well I will give you that you just didn't describe and show off your character enough is what it boiled down to.

Anyway hopefully that gives you an idea Noah I thought the story was still good but if you had shown off your synth more since they're the key focus of a backstory then you would've been in the clear.

[NoahKirchner]

Sorry probably should've done that the first time but I was a bit tired.

Mainly your problem with your backstory is direction of your character, simple put like mentioned already you didn't show your synth off much. You explained what your synth was doing most of the time but not so much showing how your synth with interact with people which is the main thing you'll be doing when playing synth. You say yourself here "a very nurturing figure, concerned first and foremost with the mental well-being of the marines and civilians around him" so that gives you a lot of options within your backstory frame you've come up with to show this off, in the story it's said that the marines are basically there to restore order on the colony for Weyland which could've given you a lot of options to show off your character.

My recommendation is have it so instead the backstory is set after or during the mission and have Lucky interact with either distraught marines or civilians for whatever reason that may be, maybe they're wounded, maybe they saw something traumatizing or maybe they made a bad mistake, it's up to you what you do with it.
The problem with giving criticism about this your backstory is while it is written very well I will give you that you just didn't describe and show off your character enough is what it boiled down to.

Anyway hopefully that gives you an idea Noah I thought the story was still good but if you had shown off your synth more since they're the key focus of a backstory then you would've been in the clear.

Thank you very much for the advice. I plan on using another quirk for my next application but the idea that you gave works really well for it, and as far as the rest of your criticisms go they are certainly appreciated and I'll take them into account for the next application.

[Sargeantmuffinman]

That backstory needs some work as stated by kavlo and jakkk.

There's not many here that gave an opinion so this'll need a little more feedback hopefully.

[NoahKirchner]

That backstory needs some work as stated by kavlo and jakkk.

There's not many here that gave an opinion so this'll need a little more feedback hopefully.

Already asked for it to be closed at some point so feedback regarding the application itself isn't necessary, criticism is all I'm after now to make the next application better.

Thank you for reading it through though.

[Emeraldblood]

Resolved - Requested to be closed by app host. You can try again in two months (As of the first closing request date: June 24th).