So YOU got in trouble again for messing with justice and the law? Oh lad, you're probably very angry now at that 20 minute timer you just got for being a prick. Worry not, you probably deserved it. Suck it and move on.
So we're here and by now you still don't know what this guide is about, but i'll tell you: this is Vaughn's guide on how to be the perfect lifeform CMP
First let's define what is CMP, so
What's CMP all about?
The CMP, short for Chief Military Police -officer- is, literally, the fucking law. You follow the line, enforce it, wiggle it, twist it, and make people mad. That's your job, and if anybody tries to stand between you and your job your duty is to crush them right away with your godlike powers on board.
Alright moving on, so you want to be a good CMP? I'll give you here some tips you can begin with, let's see:
You've just spawned as the CMP and your duty to the law has just begun. The first few things you have to do is make sure briefing is running smoothly, I mean, you might think this is a bit stupid or redundant but to be honest maybe one of the worst things you can do as CMP is let pre-briefing and briefing duties slip and i'll tell you why and each step you have to take to be recognized as a great leader and law enforcer in the process.
So here is the list of things you have to do for your first footsteps as supreme law leader:
1- Order your men to report in via radio. This is very important since you want your men to recognize you immediately and have your MP count at hand to assign duties.
2- Assign your officers to man southern and northern checkpoints. Now here comes the pre-briefing and briefing hazzle i've told you about. Every new and enthusiastic CMP will want to give something to do to their MPs asides from taking care of req lines and stuff but this is a BIG mistake at roundstart. Why is that you might ask? Well, if you goof around and forget or simply skip handing out these duties you sure as hell will be receiving a lot of complaints at comms, and also reports of a a couple of broken windows for when marines try to force their way through the closed checkpoint.
3- Assign one MP for req lines. Sometimes marines cause trouble in req line and you need to send an MP there to make sure bs doesn't last during req. And also to fill those empty brig cells 5 minutes into the round.
Alright, you might be surprised over what i'm about to say but in most cases this is actually all the action MPs receive throughout the whole round, and it's your duty as CMP to make sure this doesn't happen because you have two main challenges from now on:
a) Keep your MPs busy and
b) Make all marines fear and hate you
And that's when we get to
So rines are down, you got a couple of PFCs in brig for skipping lines or shouting FUCK THE POLICE, and no checkpoints need to be manned. There's literally nothing to do, so what now? Well now it's the time to get creative. As I said earlier as CMP your goal is to keep your men entertained or else there's a very high chance many of the MPs will immediately cryo, and you don't want to be the only MP when marines mutiny because the CO decided to OB them for sheltering murderers. Trust me on that.
So what we going to do now is call our officers to brig and start MILITARY EXERCISES! aye, you can get as creative as you can here and i'll list a few of military exercises i've made up during my CMP rounds that have worked fairly well
- Tazer battle: tell your men you need to test their "tazing" skill, and make them start tazing eachother in brig. That'll do the trick
- The donut challenge: you make your men try to stun eachother in a competition in order to win a whole box of YUM! donuts (or alternatively, the pizza you just stole from req without any admin notcing)
- The kidnap: if you got many MPs you can assign two squad teams, the kidnapper team and the police elite force team. The kidnappers will take you to some place and hold you hostage, and of course, the police elite force is supposed to neutralize them and secure you from their grasp in order to win... absolutely nothing. But it's fun and worth it.
Also don't hesitate on sending one or two MPs down to collect colonists, as this will improve their experience and give them something to do in the meanwhile. Interaction with colonists is very important as MP as you are supposed to make sure they're not a threat nor will become one in the near future.
Your CMP attitude is very important, and this is the trick of your role. Since MPs IC actions are very strictly tied to OOC rules (I know best, believe me. Never release prisoners for a bribe, for an instance) most CMPs tend to think they have to act as robo-MPs and all they need to do is sentence marines and spout their intellectual interpretation of the marine law and this is not bad, this is actually RIGHT, you know, MPs have to act accordingly to the law BUT you don't need to be a lifeless robot when you play your role to fulfill the law. Look for the loops in the law that might make your role more significant and don't hesitate to show a personality.
You can be the bad CMP (I love this one), harsh on his sentences and words, spouting swears here and there and treating prisoners like shit or,
The good CMP, the one you can tell your deepest secrets to and talk about that cat you had but died when you were five and how its memory still troubles you so much.
But never, NEVER, be the neutral CMP that only brigs and commands and shows no emotions at all. Unless you want to bore your men and prisoners to ghost verb.
Also, part of the CMP attitude is directed towards officers. Somewhy most CMPs i've seen act accordingly to how staff want them to work and this is absolutely not the way to do it. Being a CMP sometimes means defying command: you are the one who decides the punishment of a marine, not command, so don't let yourself be intimidated by them and most certainly don't let them tell you what to do in YOUR job. You are the fucking law fam, remember that.
The prisoners, the officers and the roleplay
Consider your main goal to roleplay at all times. Roleplay with your prisoners, ask them if they're hungry, bring them coffee, grab their heads and give them a swirl in the wc, your call. You gotta remember at all times that your prisoners are also players and leaving them to rot in a cell for 30 or 60 minutes with nothing to do will damage their experience, and not really give you any good reputation as CMP at all.
Overall, take care of the small details ICly.
Offer your officers treats, try to do paperwork for crimes, do department harrassing inspections, you can even do crazy shit that don't really break marine law but create polemic like regulate cigarette consumption by emptying cig machines and storing them in brig for security measures, this of course if you are ready to be bashed by everyone and probably BEd, it's all up to you! The point here is to make people notice MPs exist and give your MPs a good time overall.
You might be asking yourself "wth bro I read all this guide and not a single word on brigging times or right procedures" well, procedures, brigging time and standard MPing is basically FORCED upon the MP in the marine law so making a guide about that is redundant. This is a guide esentially written to help you enhance your role as CMP instead of passing out of boredom and/or having your MPs pass out of boredom as well.