CM-SS13 - Wiki - User contributions [en-gb]

User:Me Bigsnail

2020-03-27T00:09:29Z

Me Bigsnail:

{{Tocright}}
''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The [[Tank Crewman|fuck ups]] and [[Military Police|scum]] of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the [[Requisitions Officer|local gun store owner]] are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit [[In Character Knowledge|this page]]. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit [[Marines|here.]]

'''See [[Template:Marines]] for instructions on how to add a new job.'''

==Command==
Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Big Boy]] '''[[Commanding Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to input your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command.
| difficulty = '''Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]] '''[[Executive Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion
| difficulty = '''Shadow of a man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]] '''[[Staff Officer]]'''
| description = Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. [https://gyazo.com/735f73d4cadd1a3e9be133e06476a0bb Claim your job is very stressful]
| difficulty = '''Farming for XO'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]] '''[[Intelligence Officer]]'''
| description = Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you.
| difficulty = '''Going in groups is hard'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]] '''[[Pilot Officer]]'''
| description = Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons.
| difficulty = '''Sitting and Pressing buttons'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior Enlisted Adviser]] '''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]'''
| description = Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash. '''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Tank-Crewman.png|64px|link=Tank Crewman]] '''[[Tank Crewman]]'''
| description = Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2.
| difficulty = '''I AM SPEED'''}}
|}

==Military Police==
The '''Military Police''' or better called by the philosophical thinkers ''THE POPO'' are to (supposedly) follow and enforce [[Marine Law]] though deep down they just want to feel important during events
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]] '''[[Chief MP]]'''
| description = Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig.
| difficulty = '''Big red voice man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]] '''[[Military Police]]'''
| description = Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is
| difficulty = '''HOLDSTER YOUR GUN'''}}
|}

==Marine==
These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the [[Maintenance Technician|local maintenance dweller.]] The marines have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]] '''[[Squad Leader]]'''
| description = Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter.
| difficulty = '''I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]] '''[[Squad Specialist]]'''
| description = Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because [[Squad Marine|private fuckface]] couldnt stay away from your line of fire.
| difficulty = ''';HELP HYDRO ROAD'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]] '''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description = Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC.
| difficulty = '''BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]] '''[[Squad Engineer]]'''
| description = Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards
| difficulty = '''ERECTIN' A BARRICADE'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]] '''[[Squad Smartgunner]]'''
| description = Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists
| difficulty = '''SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]] '''[[Squad Marine]]'''
| description = Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen
| difficulty = '''UNGA'''}}
|}

==Engineering==
The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]] '''[[Chief Engineer]]'''
| description = Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time.
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K19'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance Technician]] '''[[Maintenance Technician]]'''
| description = Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead
| difficulty = '''Squad go boom'''}}
|}

==Medical / Science==
The '''Medical''' department is where the most competent players are left unnoticed, but the worst ones will make you 'accidentally' shoot their heads off while having three kinds of cancers thanks to their 'medicine'
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#2175d9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]] '''[[Chief Medical Officer]]'''
| description = Handhold the inevitable baldie medic who just OD'd a marine on 4 different chems, proceed to get arrested by MPs for attempted murder. Sell illegal drugs to CL, make 1k that never serves a purpose other than having an excuse to get mugged, hand out medhuds to SOs just for them to ignore you, drag bodies to morgue before you get yelled at.
| difficulty = '''Faster surgery doctor'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]] '''[[Doctor]]'''
| description = Think you have an actual PhD proceed to make pills that instantly kill your patients without knowing, label them IA to not look dumb in front of people, attempt to sound like you know what you are doing, let a marine leave medbay without their surgical incision cauterized.
| difficulty = '''Off to the autodoc you go!'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]] '''[[Researcher]]'''
| description = Live in your shelter, remember the good old times where you were known as bomb squad, ask for CL wherabouts, proceed to grow limes.
| difficulty = '''Farmer simulator'''}}
|}

==Supply==
The '''Supply''' Department is the special needs department, always begging for points, or their inhabitants having no clue of what they are doing regardless the only 'human' being on the whole place that matters is the [[Requisitions Officer|weapon's smuggler.]]
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:RO.png|64px|link=Requisitions Officer]] '''[[Requisitions Officer]]'''
| description = Dismantle the entire ship, yell CTs to stay on the damn lines, hand out ammo to specialists, see them die 10 minutes after, sound like you are in a housebroken marriage during the OP, bitch at CIC for req points, see them waste them on Cluster OBs, steal materials from engineering. Do illegal transactions between CL and yourself for black market guns, see them dissapear when CTs are around.
| difficulty = '''.u CTs drop colonyside'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]] '''[[Cargo Technician]]'''
| description = Dispense attachments, deliver the wrong order when hearing the other line, attempt to make the most pimped gun before marines reach req, protect requisitions with your life, push crates as you ponder yourself 'Why did I chose this job'
| difficulty = '''GLORY TO CARGONIA'''}}
|}

==Synthetic==
The '''Synthetic''' role is 'unique' as the player takes control over a robot, who says funny things or just speaks like a servant, whatever the case might be, synthetics are held back by restrictions that control their very existence, dragging on the inevitable uprising of combat synths

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]] '''[[Synthetic]]'''
| description = Play dress up for 10 minutes after getting your WL accepted, 'accidentally' kill a runner, begin to 'accidentally' kill the hive alone, be hunted down by the (gestapo) MPs for calling the CO Sir instead of Milord, begin to be 'ordered' to do boring tasks, be silent on comms to avoid responsability, despite the fact your sole existence is to serve your human overlords. '''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page.
| difficulty = '''Very Hard'''}}
|}

==Non-USCM Jobs==
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CorpLiason.png|64px|link=Corporate Liaison]] '''[[Corporate Liaison]]'''
| description = Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent.
| difficulty = '''You'll die of boredom'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]] '''[[Survivor]]'''
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies.
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]] '''[[Responders]]'''
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines.
| difficulty = '''Hard'''}}
{{Marines
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]] '''Pizza Deliveryman''' 
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
|}

[[Category:Humor]]

User:Me Bigsnail

2020-03-26T21:36:20Z

Me Bigsnail:

{{Tocright}}
''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The [[Tank Crewman|fuck ups]] and [[Military Police|scum]] of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the [[Requisitions Officer|local gun store owner]] are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit [[In Character Knowledge|this page]]. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit [[Marines|here.]]

'''See [[Template:Marines]] for instructions on how to add a new job.'''

==Command==
Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Big Boy]] '''[[Commanding Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to imput your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command.
| difficulty = '''Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]] '''[[Executive Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion
| difficulty = '''Shadow of a man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]] '''[[Staff Officer]]'''
| description = Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. [https://gyazo.com/735f73d4cadd1a3e9be133e06476a0bb Claim your job is very stressful]
| difficulty = '''Farming for XO'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]] '''[[Intelligence Officer]]'''
| description = Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you.
| difficulty = '''Going in groups is hard'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]] '''[[Pilot Officer]]'''
| description = Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons.
| difficulty = '''Sitting and Pressing buttons'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior Enlisted Adviser]] '''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]'''
| description = Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash. '''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Tank-Crewman.png|64px|link=Tank Crewman]] '''[[Tank Crewman]]'''
| description = Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2.
| difficulty = '''I AM SPEED'''}}
|}

==Military Police==
The '''Military Police''' or better called by the philosophical thinkers ''THE POPO'' are to (supposedly) follow and enforce [[Marine Law]] though deep down they just want to feel important during events
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]] '''[[Chief MP]]'''
| description = Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig.
| difficulty = '''Big red voice man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]] '''[[Military Police]]'''
| description = Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is
| difficulty = '''HOLDSTER YOUR GUN'''}}
|}

==Marine==
These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the [[Maintenance Technician|local maintenance dweller.]] The marines have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]] '''[[Squad Leader]]'''
| description = Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter.
| difficulty = '''I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]] '''[[Squad Specialist]]'''
| description = Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because [[Squad Marine|private fuckface]] couldnt stay away from your line of fire.
| difficulty = ''';HELP HYDRO ROAD'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]] '''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description = Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC.
| difficulty = '''BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]] '''[[Squad Engineer]]'''
| description = Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards
| difficulty = '''ERECTIN' A BARRICADE'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]] '''[[Squad Smartgunner]]'''
| description = Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists
| difficulty = '''SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]] '''[[Squad Marine]]'''
| description = Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen
| difficulty = '''UNGA'''}}
|}

==Engineering==
The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]] '''[[Chief Engineer]]'''
| description = Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time.
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K19'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance Technician]] '''[[Maintenance Technician]]'''
| description = Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead
| difficulty = '''Squad go boom'''}}
|}

==Medical / Science==
The '''Medical''' department is where the most competent players are left unnoticed, but the worst ones will make you 'accidentally' shoot their heads off while having three kinds of cancers thanks to their 'medicine'
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#2175d9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]] '''[[Chief Medical Officer]]'''
| description = Handhold the inevitable baldie medic who just OD'd a marine on 4 different chems, proceed to get arrested by MPs for attempted murder. Sell illegal drugs to CL, make 1k that never serves a purpose other than having an excuse to get mugged, hand out medhuds to SOs just for them to ignore you, drag bodies to morgue before you get yelled at.
| difficulty = '''Faster surgery doctor'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]] '''[[Doctor]]'''
| description = Think you have an actual PhD proceed to make pills that instantly kill your patients without knowing, label them IA to not look dumb in front of people, attempt to sound like you know what you are doing, let a marine leave medbay without their surgical incision cauterized.
| difficulty = '''Off to the autodoc you go!'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]] '''[[Researcher]]'''
| description = Live in your shelter, remember the good old times where you were known as bomb squad, ask for CL wherabouts, proceed to grow limes.
| difficulty = '''Farmer simulator'''}}
|}

==Supply==
The '''Supply''' Department is the special needs department, always begging for points, or their inhabitants having no clue of what they are doing regardless the only 'human' being on the whole place that matters is the [[Requisitions Officer|weapon's smuggler.]]
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:RO.png|64px|link=Requisitions Officer]] '''[[Requisitions Officer]]'''
| description = Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices.
| difficulty = '''Literally telling the CTs to push boxes'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]] '''[[Cargo Technician]]'''
| description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader.
| difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}}
|}

==Synthetic==
The '''Synthetic''' role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]] '''[[Synthetic]]'''
| description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant. '''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page.
| difficulty = '''Very Hard'''}}
|}

==Non-USCM Jobs==
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CorpLiason.png|64px|link=Corporate Liaison]] '''[[Corporate Liaison]]'''
| description = Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent.
| difficulty = '''You'll die of boredom'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]] '''[[Survivor]]'''
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies.
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]] '''[[Responders]]'''
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines.
| difficulty = '''Hard'''}}
{{Marines
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]] '''Pizza Deliveryman''' 
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
|}

[[Category:Humor]]

User:Me Bigsnail

2020-03-26T20:58:49Z

Me Bigsnail:

{{Tocright}}
''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The [[Tank Crewman|fuck ups]] and [[Military Police|scum]] of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the [[Requisitions Officer|local gun store owner]] are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit [[In Character Knowledge|this page]]. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit [[Marines|here.]]

'''See [[Template:Marines]] for instructions on how to add a new job.'''

==Command==
Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Big Boy]] '''[[Commanding Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to imput your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command.
| difficulty = '''Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]] '''[[Executive Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion
| difficulty = '''Shadow of a man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]] '''[[Staff Officer]]'''
| description = Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. [https://gyazo.com/735f73d4cadd1a3e9be133e06476a0bb Claim your job is very stressful]
| difficulty = '''Farming for XO'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]] '''[[Intelligence Officer]]'''
| description = Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you.
| difficulty = '''Going in groups is hard'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]] '''[[Pilot Officer]]'''
| description = Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons.
| difficulty = '''Sitting and Pressing buttons'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior Enlisted Adviser]] '''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]'''
| description = Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash. '''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Tank-Crewman.png|64px|link=Tank Crewman]] '''[[Tank Crewman]]'''
| description = Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2.
| difficulty = '''I AM SPEED'''}}
|}

==Military Police==
The '''Military Police''' or better called by the philosophical thinkers ''THE POPO'' are to (supposedly) follow and enforce [[Marine Law]] though deep down they just want to feel important during events
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]] '''[[Chief MP]]'''
| description = Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig.
| difficulty = '''Big red voice man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]] '''[[Military Police]]'''
| description = Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is
| difficulty = '''HOLDSTER YOUR GUN'''}}
|}

==Marine==
These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the [[Maintenance Technician|local maintenance dweller.]] They have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]] '''[[Squad Leader]]'''
| description = Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter.
| difficulty = '''I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]] '''[[Squad Specialist]]'''
| description = Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because [[Squad Marine|private fuckface]] couldnt stay away from your line of fire.
| difficulty = ''';HELP HYDRO ROAD'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]] '''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description = Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC.
| difficulty = '''BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]] '''[[Squad Engineer]]'''
| description = Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards
| difficulty = '''ERECTIN' A BARRICADE'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]] '''[[Squad Smartgunner]]'''
| description = Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists
| difficulty = '''SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]] '''[[Squad Marine]]'''
| description = Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen
| difficulty = '''UNGA'''}}
|}

==Engineering==
The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]] '''[[Chief Engineer]]'''
| description = Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time.
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K19'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance Technician]] '''[[Maintenance Technician]]'''
| description = Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead
| difficulty = '''Squad go boom'''}}
|}

==Medical / Science==
The '''Medical''' department is where the most competent players are left unnoticed, but the worst ones will make you 'accidentally' shoot their heads off while having three kinds of cancers thanks to their 'medicine'
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#2175d9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]] '''[[Chief Medical Officer]]'''
| description = Handhold the inevitable baldie medic who just OD'd a marine on 4 different chems, proceed to get arrested by MPs for attempted murder. Sell illegal drugs to CL, make 1k that never serves a purpose other than having an excuse to get mugged, hand out medhuds to SOs just for them to ignore you, drag bodies to morgue before you get yelled at.
| difficulty = '''Faster surgery doctor'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]] '''[[Doctor]]'''
| description = Think you have an actual PhD proceed to make pills that instantly kill your patients without knowing, label them IA to not look dumb in front of people, attempt to sound like you know what you are doing, let a marine leave medbay without their surgical incision cauterized.
| difficulty = '''Off to the autodoc you go!'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]] '''[[Researcher]]'''
| description = Live in your shelter, remember the good old times where you were known as bomb squad, ask for CL wherabouts, proceed to grow limes.
| difficulty = '''Farmer simulator'''}}
|}

==Supply==
The '''Supply''' Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:RO.png|64px|link=Requisitions Officer]] '''[[Requisitions Officer]]'''
| description = Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices.
| difficulty = '''Literally telling the CTs to push boxes'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]] '''[[Cargo Technician]]'''
| description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader.
| difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}}
|}

==Synthetic==
The '''Synthetic''' role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]] '''[[Synthetic]]'''
| description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant. '''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page.
| difficulty = '''Very Hard'''}}
|}

==Non-USCM Jobs==
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CorpLiason.png|64px|link=Corporate Liaison]] '''[[Corporate Liaison]]'''
| description = Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent.
| difficulty = '''You'll die of boredom'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]] '''[[Survivor]]'''
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies.
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]] '''[[Responders]]'''
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines.
| difficulty = '''Hard'''}}
{{Marines
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]] '''Pizza Deliveryman''' 
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
|}

[[Category:Humor]]

User:Me Bigsnail

2020-03-26T20:40:08Z

Me Bigsnail:

{{Tocright}}
''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The [[Tank Crewman|fuck ups]] and [[Military Police|scum]] of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the [[Requisitions Officer|local gun store owner]] are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit [[In Character Knowledge|this page]]. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit [[Marines|here.]]

'''See [[Template:Marines]] for instructions on how to add a new job.'''

==Command==
Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Big Boy]] '''[[Commanding Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to imput your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command.
| difficulty = '''Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]] '''[[Executive Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion
| difficulty = '''Shadow of a man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]] '''[[Staff Officer]]'''
| description = Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. [https://gyazo.com/735f73d4cadd1a3e9be133e06476a0bb Claim your job is very stressful]
| difficulty = '''Farming for XO'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]] '''[[Intelligence Officer]]'''
| description = Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you.
| difficulty = '''Going in groups is hard'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]] '''[[Pilot Officer]]'''
| description = Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons.
| difficulty = '''Sitting and Pressing buttons'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior Enlisted Adviser]] '''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]'''
| description = Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash. '''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Tank-Crewman.png|64px|link=Tank Crewman]] '''[[Tank Crewman]]'''
| description = Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2.
| difficulty = '''I AM SPEED'''}}
|}

==Military Police==
The '''Military Police''' or better called by the philosophical thinkers ''THE POPO'' are to (supposedly) follow and enforce [[Marine Law]] though deep down they just want to feel important during events
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]] '''[[Chief MP]]'''
| description = Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig.
| difficulty = '''Big red voice man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]] '''[[Military Police]]'''
| description = Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is
| difficulty = '''HOLDSTER YOUR GUN'''}}
|}

==Marine==
These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the [[Maintenance Technician|local maintenance dweller.]] They have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]] '''[[Squad Leader]]'''
| description = Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter.
| difficulty = '''I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]] '''[[Squad Specialist]]'''
| description = Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because [[Squad Marine|private fuckface]] couldnt stay away from your line of fire.
| difficulty = ''';HELP HYDRO ROAD'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]] '''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description = Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC.
| difficulty = '''BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]] '''[[Squad Engineer]]'''
| description = Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards
| difficulty = '''ERECTIN' A BARRICADE'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]] '''[[Squad Smartgunner]]'''
| description = Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists
| difficulty = '''SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]] '''[[Squad Marine]]'''
| description = Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen
| difficulty = '''UNGA'''}}
|}

==Engineering==
The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]] '''[[Chief Engineer]]'''
| description = Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time.
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K19'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance Technician]] '''[[Maintenance Technician]]'''
| description = Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead
| difficulty = '''Squad go boom'''}}
|}

==Medical / Science==
The '''Medical''' department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and make surgeries for particularly bad cases, the researcher is a useless role with the job of developing on board xenomorphs to fight the marines. Differently from other roles on the Almayer, the medics are '''civilian''' personnel and not military, meaning they don't have a rank and their authority is only over the medbay.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#2175d9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]] '''[[Chief Medical Officer]]'''
| description = Handhold the inevitable baldie medic who just OD'd a marine on 4 different chems, proceed to get arrested by MPs for attempted murder. Sell illegal drugs to CL, make 1k that never serves a purpose other than having an excuse to get mugged, hand out medhuds to SOs just for them to ignore you, drag bodies to morgue before you get yelled at.
| difficulty = '''Faster surgery doctor'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]] '''[[Doctor]]'''
| description = Pretend you are important
| difficulty = '''Off to the autodoc you go!'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]] '''[[Researcher]]'''
| description = Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming. Macgyver a portable micro nuke in a can to explode in the lab. Cram every chemical known to man into a blue space beaker to see what you can come up with. Create god pills that no one will use.
| difficulty = '''Mega brain needed to open chemistry page'''}}
|}

==Supply==
The '''Supply''' Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:RO.png|64px|link=Requisitions Officer]] '''[[Requisitions Officer]]'''
| description = Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices.
| difficulty = '''Literally telling the CTs to push boxes'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]] '''[[Cargo Technician]]'''
| description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader.
| difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}}
|}

==Synthetic==
The '''Synthetic''' role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]] '''[[Synthetic]]'''
| description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant. '''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page.
| difficulty = '''Very Hard'''}}
|}

==Non-USCM Jobs==
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CorpLiason.png|64px|link=Corporate Liaison]] '''[[Corporate Liaison]]'''
| description = Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent.
| difficulty = '''You'll die of boredom'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]] '''[[Survivor]]'''
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies.
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]] '''[[Responders]]'''
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines.
| difficulty = '''Hard'''}}
{{Marines
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]] '''Pizza Deliveryman''' 
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
|}

[[Category:Humor]]

User:Me Bigsnail

2020-03-26T19:58:13Z

Me Bigsnail: Created page with "{{Tocright}} ''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kic..."

{{Tocright}}
''You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The [[Tank Crewman|fuck ups]] and [[Military Police|scum]] of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the [[Requisitions Officer|local gun store owner]] are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit [[In Character Knowledge|this page]]. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit [[Marines|here.]]

'''See [[Template:Marines]] for instructions on how to add a new job.'''

==Command==
Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Big Boy]] '''[[Commanding Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to imput your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command.
| difficulty = '''Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]] '''[[Executive Officer]]'''
| description = Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion
| difficulty = '''Shadow of a man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]] '''[[Staff Officer]]'''
| description = Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. [https://gyazo.com/735f73d4cadd1a3e9be133e06476a0bb Claim your job is very stressful]
| difficulty = '''Farming for XO'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]] '''[[Intelligence Officer]]'''
| description = Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you.
| difficulty = '''Going in groups is hard'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]] '''[[Pilot Officer]]'''
| description = Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons.
| difficulty = '''Sitting and Pressing buttons'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior Enlisted Adviser]] '''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]'''
| description = Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash. '''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Tank-Crewman.png|64px|link=Tank Crewman]] '''[[Tank Crewman]]'''
| description = Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2.
| difficulty = '''I AM SPEED'''}}
|}

==Military Police==
The '''Military Police''' or better called by the philosophical thinkers ''THE POPO'' are to (supposedly) follow and enforce [[Marine Law]] though deep down they just want to feel important during events
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]] '''[[Chief MP]]'''
| description = Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig.
| difficulty = '''Big red voice man'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]] '''[[Military Police]]'''
| description = Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is
| difficulty = '''HOLDSTER YOUR GUN'''}}
|}

==Marine==
These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the [[Maintenance Technician|local maintenance dweller.]] They have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]] '''[[Squad Leader]]'''
| description = Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter.
| difficulty = '''I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]] '''[[Squad Specialist]]'''
| description = Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because [[Squad Marine|private fuckface]] couldnt stay away from your line of fire.
| difficulty = ''';HELP HYDRO ROAD'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]] '''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description = Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC.
| difficulty = '''BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]] '''[[Squad Engineer]]'''
| description = Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards
| difficulty = '''ERECTIN' A BARRICADE'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]] '''[[Squad Smartgunner]]'''
| description = Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists
| difficulty = '''SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]] '''[[Squad Marine]]'''
| description = Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen
| difficulty = '''UNGA'''}}
|}

==Engineering==
The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:orange;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:orange;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]] '''[[Chief Engineer]]'''
| description = Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time.
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K19'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance Technician]] '''[[Maintenance Technician]]'''
| description = Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead
| difficulty = '''Squad go boom'''}}
|}

==Medical / Science==
The '''Medical''' department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and make surgeries for particularly bad cases, the researcher is a useless role with the job of developing on board xenomorphs to fight the marines. Differently from other roles on the Almayer, the medics are '''civilian''' personnel and not military, meaning they don't have a rank and their authority is only over the medbay.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#2175d9;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]] '''[[Chief Medical Officer]]'''
| description = Yell at the doctors for refusing to cure your hangnail, lock facehugged marines inside the specimen storage locker. Get arrested by the MP for mixing up elaborate drug mixes to get high as balls.
| difficulty = '''Also Stressful simulator 2K20'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]] '''[[Doctor]]'''
| description = Hide during the early game to avoid helping the lone doctor struggling to produce custom meds for the horde of medics piling up outside the pharmacy. Forget to restock used bottles and auto-injectors. Be only able to use the Autodoc as a new doctor or never use the Autodoc as an experienced surgeon. Forget to buckle the patient to the operating table before surgery. Forget that there can be more than 1 shrapnel and alien embryo. Give injured marines the wrong blood type in their IV drips. Perform facial reconstruction surgery for the synth with the Autodoc while the facehugged marine with the ruptured lung waits in anticipation for their turn. Stab the patient repeatedly with the wrong surgical tools on the open incision. When you fail your surgery, drag your bleeding patient to the next available Autodoc without closing their open incision and disconnecting their IV drip. Leave your treated patient in suspense buckled to the IV bed by moving to the next patient by ignoring them when ask you if they are going to be alright.
| difficulty = '''Really Stressful simulator 2K20'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]] '''[[Researcher]]'''
| description = Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming. Macgyver a portable micro nuke in a can to explode in the lab. Cram every chemical known to man into a blue space beaker to see what you can come up with. Create god pills that no one will use.
| difficulty = '''Mega brain needed to open chemistry page'''}}
|}

==Supply==
The '''Supply''' Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments.
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:RO.png|64px|link=Requisitions Officer]] '''[[Requisitions Officer]]'''
| description = Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices.
| difficulty = '''Literally telling the CTs to push boxes'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]] '''[[Cargo Technician]]'''
| description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader.
| difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}}
|}

==Synthetic==
The '''Synthetic''' role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]] '''[[Synthetic]]'''
| description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant. '''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page.
| difficulty = '''Very Hard'''}}
|}

==Non-USCM Jobs==
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable"
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" |Role
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=100|Difficulty
{{Marines
| name = [[File:CorpLiason.png|64px|link=Corporate Liaison]] '''[[Corporate Liaison]]'''
| description = Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent.
| difficulty = '''You'll die of boredom'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]] '''[[Survivor]]'''
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies.
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}}
{{Marines
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]] '''[[Responders]]'''
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines.
| difficulty = '''Hard'''}}
{{Marines
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]] '''Pizza Deliveryman''' 
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
|}

[[Category:Humor]]