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{{Marines
 
{{Marines
 
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]]<br>'''[[Squad Medic]]'''
 
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]]<br>'''[[Squad Medic]]'''
| description =  Whine at the chemists to make you custom drugs, then never use them. Forget your medical supplies on the ship and ignore the increasingly frantic cries for help while you rambo on.
+
| description =  Whine at the chemists to make you custom drugs, then never use them. Forget your medical supplies on the ship and ignore the increasingly frantic cries for help while you rambo on. OD every marine who asks you for help.
 
| difficulty = '''Stress simulator 2k19'''}}
 
| difficulty = '''Stress simulator 2k19'''}}
 
{{Marines
 
{{Marines
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{{Marines
 
{{Marines
 
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]]<br>'''Pizza Deliveryman'''<br>
 
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]]<br>'''Pizza Deliveryman'''<br>
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged.
+
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use.
 
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
 
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}}
 
|}
 
|}
  
 
[[Category:Humor]]
 
[[Category:Humor]]

Latest revision as of 04:23, 14 February 2020

You awake from cryostasis in your Standard Military CS Uniform, yawning as you stretch out the rigidness that can come from staying in one position for so long. You look around, noticing you’re aboard the lifeless vessel with its dreary grey walls, the USS Almayer. You climb out of your cryotube and immediately step away from the stasis pod to light up a blunt. Not like anything interesting is going to happen right away anyways."


The baldies of the United States Marine Corps are our protagonist. These are the guys you call in to deal with the problems you have, maybe a band of space pirates, maybe a group of colonial rebels, or maybe even worse. In theory. In practice, it's more like Keystone Kops with explosives. This page is how people will play the listed positions all too often, and you should try not to emulate them!

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit this page. For a more serious (and an effective how-to guide) version of the Marine roles visit here.


See Template:Marines for instructions on how to add a new job.

Command

The Command Department is the "Brains" of the USS Almayer, "leading" and "coordinating" the squads and the other support staff of the ship to fight and win against the mutinying marines.

Job Role Difficulty
Commander.png
Commanding Officer
Never show up until the aliens are already on the ship, scream at the marines incoherently using the announcement system. Evacuate as soon as the distress beacons launch. Attempt to enforce arbitrary and annoying regulations, get shot during the ensuing mutiny.
Note: Currently the job is whitelisted because the more power the more stupidity, click here to go to the application page.
Big Babysitter Simulator 2K19
XO.png
Executive Officer
Be the butt of every Marine's jokes during the briefing, scream at the MPs to arrest those responsible. Get beaten and spaced during the ensuing mutiny. Babysitter Simulator 2K19
BridgeOfficer.png
Staff Officer
Drop orbital strikes on the marines, send down everything except what they request. Stanley
IntelOfficer.png
Intelligence Officer
Deploy without any of the useful equipment other than a knife and a silenced pistol. Pretend to be Solid Snake and fail miserably. Accidentally Fulton extract living soldiers for your imaginary non-existent mother base. Get ambushed by one lone alien and die in a far off corner of the map. Suicide
Pilot.png
Pilot Officer
Take off without ordnance loaded, never trust the medevac system or fulton system. Fly a dropship full of aliens back to the ship, accidentally airstrike your own marines. Get arrested when you land on the idiot who fell asleep on the landing pad. Stanley 2.0
Vehicle-Crewman.png
Tank Crewman
Run over all of the marines instead of the aliens, fire your cannon inside the dropship. Whine endlessly when the RO won't order the ammo you want. Tokyo drift your way into the hive with 50 marines inside the Armored Clown Car APC. How do you turn this thing on?

Military Police

The Military Police is one of the main supports of the command staff, they ensure that the Marine Law is followed on the ship, they do this by harassing Marines over silly, petty things. They are the cause for approximately 80% of mutinies.

Job Role Difficulty
WarrantOfficer.png
Chief MP
Declare essential Marine gear contraband, whine to the admins when you get murdered during the ensuing mutiny. Be the first thing people think of when they hear of the CM server. You're gonna get lynched on
MilitaryPolice.png
Military Police
Arrest marines for running around the ship with their weapons out while aliens are boarding. Get beaten and flushed after pestering the requisition line inhabitants. Pester doctors performing alien embryo removal surgery in the OR and taunt them into failing it. You WILL gonna get lynched on

Marine

The Canon Fodder of the Colonial Marines are enlisted or conscripted into service. They form the main fighting body of the Almayer and are sent anywhere to fight all kinds of dangers throughout the Tychon's Rift Sector. From putting down rebellious colonists to committing war crimes, the possibilities are endless. They are divided between four squads Alpha Newbies (Red), Fobbits (Yellow), Scouting/Breakfast Charlie(Purple) and Deltards (Blue) each squad has a Squad Leader, they also have three support roles to help during the fight planetside, a Specialist with special equipment that'll die 5 minutes into the operation, a Smartgunner who'll turn off their IFF tracking and the standards, the main fighting body against the aliens, noted for having baldie-like intelligence and dying in masses.

Job Role Difficulty
SL.png
Squad Leader
Take all of the good attachments and grenades from your squad requisitions, never bother giving any of it to your squaddies. Get separated from your squad, never provide any effective leadership. Lead your team to the wrong location deep within enemy lines. Call in orbital strikes on your position instead of the aliens. Leave your binoculars on the ship. Bootleg Arma Squad Leader
B18.png
Squad Specialist
Fire your M5 RPG inside the dropship, set Marines on fire instead of the aliens. Blow up your own fortifications with your grenade launcher and 360 noscope your buddies in the head with your sniper rifle. Die in the first 5 minutes because the aliens meta murdered you on the first drop. Average life span is about 5 minutes on the ground
USCM Medic.png
Squad Medic
Whine at the chemists to make you custom drugs, then never use them. Forget your medical supplies on the ship and ignore the increasingly frantic cries for help while you rambo on. OD every marine who asks you for help. Stress simulator 2k19
USCM Squad Engie.png
Squad Engineer
Build mazes out of barricades, girders and tables, conscript every single marine to fill sandbags. Create fortifications that inconvenience humans more than aliens. Fire your mortar at the FOB. Bootleg TF2 Engineer
USCM SG.png
Squad Smartgunner
Waste all your ammo on windows, turn off your IFF. Subsequently, get beaten and looted after you blow off your squadmate's limbs. IFF is on so you can't FF anyone
USCM Standard Marine.png
Squad Marine
Run into the hive by yourself, get face-hugged. Solo the Queen when no one expected you to. Steal better gear from the corpses of your buddies. Run away from medics constantly trying to pester you and wonder why they keep following the blood trail you are leaving behind. Ignore the medic's advice to return ship-side for surgery. Shoot everywhere to kill that pesky runner even with a medic or engineer in your line of fire. Throw frag grenades in front of your own marines at all times, be blamed at by dead chat right after. Beat the utter shit out of the MP. How do I shoot gun?

Engineering

The Engineering Department is one of the most useless roles to support the use of the Almayer, they are responsible for setting up the engine and repairing any damage on the Almayer but most of the time they don't even do their jobs. They're more or less just the average grease monkey you see, sometimes with a mop and bucket.

Job Role Difficulty
CE.png
Chief Engineer
Never fuel the engines, disappear 10 minutes into the round. Show up much later dead and facehugged. Make everyone wonder why you exist. SSD Simulator 2K19
MaintTech.png
Maintenance Technician
Steal the contents of the liquor cabinet, share them with the CT. Get arrested for hacking into EVERYTHING. Build elaborate, hallway blocking fortifications. Plot mutiny from your secret base in Disposals. Free jailed Marines by tunnelling through the walls of the brig. Janitor

Medical / Science

The Medical department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and make surgeries for particularly bad cases, the researcher is a useless role with the job of developing on board xenomorphs to fight the marines. Differently from other roles on the Almayer, the medics are civilian personnel and not military, meaning they don't have a rank and their authority is only over the medbay.

Job Role Difficulty
CMO.png
Chief Medical Officer
Yell at the doctors for refusing to cure your hangnail, lock facehugged marines inside the specimen storage locker. Get arrested by the MP for mixing up elaborate drug mixes to get high as balls. Also Stressful simulator 2K19
MD.png
Doctor
Hide during the early game to avoid helping the lone doctor struggling to produce custom meds for the horde of medics piling up outside the pharmacy. Forget to restock used bottles and auto-injectors. Be only able to use the Autodoc as a new doctor or never use the Autodoc as an experienced surgeon. Forget to buckle the patient to the operating table before surgery. Forget that there can be more than 1 shrapnel and alien embryo. Give injured marines the wrong blood type in their IV drips. Perform facial reconstruction surgery for the synth with the Autodoc while the facehugged marine with the ruptured lung waits in anticipation for their turn. Stab the patient repeatedly with the wrong surgical tools on the open incision. When you fail your surgery, drag your bleeding patient to the next available Autodoc without closing their open incision and disconnecting their IV drip. Leave your treated patient in suspense buckled to the IV bed by moving to the next patient by ignoring them when ask you if they are going to be alright. Really Stressful simulator 2K19
Sci.png
Researcher
Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming. Macgyver a portable micro nuke in a can to explode in the lab. Cram every chemical known to man into a blue space beaker to see what you can come up with. Bootleg Doctor

Supply

The Supply Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments.

Job Role Difficulty
RO.png
Requisitions Officer
Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices. Literally telling the CTs to push boxes
CargoTech.png
Cargo Technician
Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader. Literally pushing boxes

Synthetic

The Synthetic role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.

Job Role Difficulty
Synth.png
Synthetic
Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant.
Note: Currently the job is whitelisted, click here to go to the application page.
Very Hard

Non-USCM Jobs

This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

Job Role Difficulty
CorpLiason.png
Corporate Liaison
Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent. You'll die of boredom
Survivor.png
Survivor
Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies. Very Suicidal
PMC-Standard.png
Responders
Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines. Hard
Pizza.png
Pizza Deliveryman
Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use. Impossible