Viperious - Predator Application

[Viperious]

You briefly explained that your clan was killed by another clan. You then say a few things about your predators religion, and the rest is you landing the ship.

I had attempted to tell the story of his clan's demise and his motivations through individual objects and equipment. For instance the emotions he feels when seeing his dead father's helmet, or the fact that all that is left of his clan is inside of that ship, and finally the reasons why his clan was destroyed through exploring his religious beliefs. This is a story about Vaat's road to redemption in the face of adversity.

Whether or not I succeeded at this is a completely different matter and if I can come up with smoother and less hidden symbolism, I will make edits as the app hasn't been up for even 30 minutes yet.

[Lumdor]

Looks like you wrote half of a story and forgot the other half, which is throwing me off from it.

[Viperious]

Looks like you wrote half of a story and forgot the other half, which is throwing me off from it.

I exchanged excessive exposition for subtle symbolism, unfortunately that will turn people away.

[bobatnight]

You tell a story with the time/space that you have, and when writing in text format you have unlimited time. You chose to talk about -nothing-, your clan died and you want vengeance? This is the back story of a bad 80's Kung-fu movie.

You also need to be a trusted member of the community, which you will never be in my eyes.

-1

[Lumdor]

Also, not going off the story itself most predator applications are based on reputation in the community, and at the moment yours is bad.

So, why do you think at the current moment people would want you as a predator?

[Viperious]

Also, not going off the story itself most predator applications are based on reputation in the community, and at the moment yours is bad.

I am fully aware of my reputation in this community. Though I know who does and does not support me.

[Karmac]

In all honesty, this story tells me more about the predator's clan the the predator himself. You wrote that your intended play-style will involve interaction and roleplay, however the story has a distinct lack of any such thing. I've only heard horrible things about you as a member of this community and personally don't feel comfortable with you obtaining the role. Overall this is a very weak application backed up by a terrible reputation, I feel like you should focus on becoming a better player before attempting to apply for this role.

Edit: -1

[ThesoldierLLJK]

Like I said before.

Your story was half finished, and you are held to the same standards as other applications. You spent more time
Talking about your ship and clan than actually showing more about your predator.

I won�t support this one.

[Lumdor]

I�ve put my say in on everything about why this application is bad in my opinion. All with that and your reputation is why I�m giving you a -1.

[Viperious]

Like I said before.

Your story was half finished, and you are held to the same standards as other applications. You spent more time
Talking about your ship and clan than actually showing more about your predator.

I won�t support this one.

Damn. Well we can close the app then