So get comfortable, pull up a chair, put on your favourite dunce cap, get your favourite flavoured crayons, and remember: Medics are Trash. And so am I.
MEDIC LOADOUT
Right. I see too many medics with Barrel Chargers. Let me explain to you why you're fucking retarded. You are a medic. If you're doing your job right, you will make it through most of the battle without going through a single clip. You will be up to your fucking waist in wounded, you'll have other squaddies to protect you (unless you/they are also retarded), and you'll probably be in a safe position anyway. Let the Dungas get those chargers. You won't get as good value out of such a limited resource as they will.
On the note of clips, STOP CARRYING M4A1s! It's a good gun, sure. But you know what's better? Shotguns. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those weird shotgun fetishists that make it kinda awkward to enter the extended bunks after we finish weapon maintenance, BUT they are damn good for scaring off enemies. Your job is not to kill or chase enemies. Your job is to protect your wounded and yourself to continue treatment. To that end, the stun you get from slugs, or the burst damage you get from buckshot, should be your go to choices. And again, if you're doing your job right, you'll be well protected. The only time you'll really have to fire is if shit is in the fan and the enemy is up your asshole. You know what goes great in close quarters? Shotguns.
So now for the part we've all been waiting for. The actual loadout. Take everything from your standard vendor. For your choices of belt and bag, you want a lifesaver belt and a satchel respectively. Lifesaver belt is considerably larger and comes with a fuckload of medicine, and satchel is great for quick access. A satchel has plenty of space for everything you'll need, and every second can count. Also, you'll want to be able to have a defib in hand, with your shotgun ready in case some mean UPP bastard tries to jump you. For pouches, take two medical pouches. Medkit pouch is fine if you want to take a second advanced medkit, but honestly I don't see the point. You will very rarely go through that many trauma packs and the points cost can be put to better use.
To the medical vendor, you have 45 points to spend. I'm just gonna list purchases.
- Essential Medic Set (you're not funny). All of it into the satchel except your scanner which goes into a medical pouch.
- Medical Splints into the lifesaver bag
- Bicaridine x3, one into the lifesaver, one into each pouch.
- Kelotane x3 as above
- Tramadol x2 one into a pouch and one into webbing.
- Stasis Bag into your webbing
- Roller Bed into your sathchel
Put your buckshot in your armour, knife in your boots, knife in your mouth, bayonet on the shotgun, get going. From requisitions, ask for a mag harness and a stock. Mag harnesses are great. Your shotgun is your only defense. You can't drop it under any circumstances. Stocks for that extra CQC boost. Again, only time you'll be fighting is if it's ass the wall time.
This is the ideal medic. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
FIELD TREATMENT
What medicine does what could not be simpler. High command realised none of you dumbfucks could read, so they colour coded the pill bottles. When that didn't work, they made our scanners tell you what to do. WHEN THAT DOESN'T WORK, I WRITE GUIDES ON HOW TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB. If you're still confused, read this. (wiki/Guide_to_Medicine#General_Diagnostics). If you're still confused, jump out an airlock. We do not need you.
Let's lay down some basic fucking rules. There should only be one medic treating a marine at a time. If you see a medic treating someone, fuck off. Too many medics on one patient create overdoses. Drag your patient back from the frontline. Tell other medics to fuck off. If they're retarded and insist on treating, just STOP PUTTING PILLS IN THEM. Your idiot co-medic will inevitably start putting drugs in them, and you will OD your patient. If you absolutely must team treat, tell the other medic what you're doing. Best thing to do when in doubt is just use trauma packs. No risk of ODing then.
When you're giving marines pills, give them one. Increasing the dosage to two pills doesn't speed it up, it just makes the effect last longer. And all but the most severe of wounds (which usually require evac anyway) will be fixed up with one pill.
Remember, your job is not necessarily to cure everything that ails a marine. Your job is to get them back into fighting position so they can keep up the job you're doing, or so they can survive long enough to evac. With that in mind, here are some basic guidelines about when to evac.
INSTANT EVAC:
Severe organ damage resulting in high oxy or toxin damage.
Internal Bleeding.
Severe brain damage.
Blindness.
3 or more broken bones.
Missing limbs.
Unwanted pregnancy. Only fools don't wrap their tools.
OFFER TO EVAC:
Two or more broken bones.
20 oxy damage from organ damage.
Broken chest, groin, or head. These can result in organ damage if their splints break.
DON'T EVAC:
Medics unless they ask or meet an instant evac criteria. Medics should know when they need evac, and can self treat. Also you might need their help.
Burn Damage.
One broken bone.
You don't need to cryobag in most instances. If medivac is busy, or if the evac point is far away, then stasis bag them. But always treat things. If they have organ damage, give them dexalin and peridaxon. IB? Give them the QC. Just because they're getting evac'd is not an excuse to not treat them.
DEFIBBING
Okay. That's treatment. So now what happens when someone dies? You defib them. The defibrillator revives marines who have a total area damage below 200. Each hit with the defib heals a little and removes all critical oxygen loss. If after that they're below 200, they'll revive. And probably almost immediately die again. This is fine. The defib can only work for a few minutes after death. If you can get a pulse from someone for even a second, you reset that timer. So your next step is to pump them full of every drug known to mankind to keep them from dying. Or at least all the relevant ones. You'll want to give them inaprovaline to prevent critical oxygen damage, then the relevant damage treatment drugs. If they've been defibbed, they'll probably also need an evac.
But what do you do if they're above 200 when you get them? You use your ATKs to get them below 200, then defib, then do as above. If they're above 200 and you defib before treating, you're really just wasting charges. Defibs are hard to resupply. Treat defib marines like an evac case. Put enough drugs in them to stabilise, zap them, then put them aside for now, if you're in a safe place. If you're not, zap them awake, fuck stabilising them. Let them die, and just drag the corpse back to a safe location. Resetting that timer is vital. Keeping them alive afterwards is not if it endangers you.
If someone died of burn damage, strip their UNIFORM. People cook in their uniforms and take extra burn damage even after the fire has been extinguished. This is why that guy you were treating suddenly husked.
Behaviour on the field
There is a simple rule for treatment: The medic is always right. If you tell someone to evac and they refuse, they are wrong. Let them die of their wounds. It's not your problem. If someone comes in with tiny damage and you tell them to shove it, you're right.
Remember, you are a medic, not a PFC. You are not supposed to unga the dunga. You are there to keep everyone else engaing the dunga.
When shit hits the fan, you should work on a priority system. All marines are equal but some are more equal than others. Medics are the most important. If you can get another medic back on their feet, you just doubled your medical output (unless the medic is in alpha in which case you just doubled your workload.) Next are your specialists and smartgunners. They have special equipment that no one else can use. Their revival is a guaranteed boost to the marines. SLs, Engineers, and PFCs are last. SLs are just ungas with slightly shinier armour, and if shit has hit the fan so hard you're needing to rely on this system, your engineer probably won't have the time to set up any good defenses. Command staff is always last. Fuck command. Steal their berets. Steal the mateba. Shoot the CO! MUTINY! Don't do this. -High Command.
Your priority is always stabilisation. Once a marine is stable, you can treat other marines. Let them lie there and be unable to fight for a bit. The front will hold without nameless mindless PFC number 38932. It might not if you let all your other patients die because 38932 is taking up all your attention. Stabilise, then get people back in the fight.
Remember to tell the pilots the names of your medivac people, and give them a priority. Have they got IB, missing limbs, brain damage, and 4 broken bones? Better tell them that guy needs out NOW. Missing a limb? Tell them which limb so medbay can print it in advance.
And remember, you shouldn't be dragging marines very far. If you're in the middle of a fight and a marine gets wounded, get them to a safe space and treat them. If they need to go back to the FOB, get a PFC to do it. You're needed there.
Congratulations! You finished reading this guide and are now hopefully a good enough medic! Or you skipped to the end, and you’re an idiot. The important thing is, there’s now no excuse. If I see you OD someone, you get thrown down the req elevator.
-Tracee <3 XOXOXOXOXO
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