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| name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Commander]]<br>'''[[Commanding Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:Commander.png|64px|link=Commander]]<br>'''[[Commanding Officer]]''' | ||
| description = Never show up until the aliens are already on the ship, scream at the marines incoherently using the announcement system. Evacuate as soon as the distress beacons launch. Attempt to enforce arbitrary and annoying regulations, get shot during the ensuing mutiny.<br />'''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted because the more power the more stupidity, click [http://colonial-marines.com/viewforum.php?f=141 here] to go to the application page. | | description = Never show up until the aliens are already on the ship, scream at the marines incoherently using the announcement system. Evacuate as soon as the distress beacons launch. Attempt to enforce arbitrary and annoying regulations, get shot during the ensuing mutiny.<br />'''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted because the more power the more stupidity, click [http://colonial-marines.com/viewforum.php?f=141 here] to go to the application page. | ||
| difficulty = '''Big Babysitter Simulator | | difficulty = '''Big Babysitter Simulator 2K22'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]]<br>'''[[Executive Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:XO.png|64px|link=Executive Officer]]<br>'''[[Executive Officer]]''' | ||
| description = Be the butt of every Marine's jokes during the briefing, scream at the MPs to arrest those responsible. Get beaten and spaced during the ensuing mutiny. | | description = Be the butt of every Marine's jokes during the briefing, scream at the MPs to arrest those responsible. Get beaten and spaced during the ensuing mutiny. Get stuck in limbo as a glorified CO and SO and deploy instead. Die instantly to a drone. | ||
| difficulty = '''Babysitter Simulator | | difficulty = '''Babysitter Simulator 2K22'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]]<br>'''[[Staff Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:BridgeOfficer.png|64px|link=Staff Officer]]<br>'''[[Staff Officer]]''' | ||
| description = Drop orbital strikes on the marines, send down everything except what they request, | | description = Drop orbital strikes on the marines, send down everything except what they request. Ignore calls to assign aSLs, assign the engineer or medic as aSL, and ignore calls by the old SL to make them SL. Attempt to railgun the aliens, gib marines instead. Roleplay as Jordan Freeman when marines call for help. | ||
| difficulty = '''Stanley'''}} | | difficulty = '''Stanley'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]]<br>'''[[Intelligence Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Intelligence Officer]]<br>'''[[Intelligence Officer]]''' | ||
| description = Deploy without any of the useful equipment other than a knife and a silenced pistol. Pretend to be Solid Snake and fail miserably. ''Accidentally'' Fulton extract living soldiers for your imaginary non-existent mother base. Get ambushed by one lone alien and die in a far off corner of the map. | | description = Deploy without any of the useful equipment other than a knife and a silenced pistol. Pretend to be Solid Snake and fail miserably. ''Accidentally'' Fulton extract living soldiers for your imaginary non-existent mother base. Get ambushed by one lone alien and die in a far off corner of the map. Get deleted by devs. Get added back by devs. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''Suicided'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]]<br>'''[[Pilot Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:SEA.png|64px|link=Senior_Enlisted_Advisor]]<br>'''[[Senior Enlisted Adviser]]''' | ||
| description = Take off without ordnance loaded, never trust the medevac system or fulton system | | description = Stay at spawn asking for newbies if they want help, only to be rejected/ignored. Try to act as a drill sergeant only to be laughed at.<br>'''Note:''' Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway. | ||
| difficulty = '''Trying to not fall asleep'''}} | |||
|} | |||
==Auxiliary Support == | |||
The Auxiliary support personnel are tasked with killing the marines either by providing death and destruction through firepower or other means. | |||
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | |||
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=200|Job | |||
! scope="col" class="unsortable" style="background-color:lightblue;" |Role | |||
! scope="col" style="background-color:lightblue;" width=100|Difficulty | |||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:Pilot.png|64px|link=Pilot Officer]]<br>'''[[Pilot Officer]]'''<br>3 Sky Griefers maximum | |||
| description = Take off without ordnance loaded, never trust the medevac system or fulton system. Fly a dropship full of aliens back to the ship, accidentally airstrike your own marines. Get arrested when you land on the idiot who fell asleep on the landing pad. | |||
| difficulty = '''Stanley 2.0'''}} | | difficulty = '''Stanley 2.0'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File: | | name = [[File:Vehicle-Crewman.png|64px|link=Vehicle Crewman]]<br>'''[[Vehicle Crewman]]'''<br>2 Clowns maximum | ||
| description = Run over all of the marines instead of the aliens, fire your cannon inside the dropship. Whine endlessly when the RO won't order the ammo | | description = Run over all of the marines instead of the aliens, fire your cannon inside the dropship. Cry for command to buy the tank. Whine endlessly when the RO won't order the ammo you want. Tokyo drift your way into the hive with 50 marines inside the <span style="text-decoration: line-through;">Armored Clown Car</span> APC. | ||
| difficulty = '''How do you turn this thing on?'''}} | | difficulty = '''How do you turn this thing on?'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
==Military Police== | ==Military Police== | ||
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{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]]<br>'''[[Chief MP]]''' | | name = [[File:WarrantOfficer.png|64px|link=Warrant Officer]]<br>'''[[Chief MP]]''' | ||
| description = Declare essential Marine gear contraband | | description = Declare essential Marine gear contraband. Try to declare the CO insane (probably is). Brig all of Delta for one broken window. Whine to the admins when you get murdered during the ensuing mutiny. Be the first thing people think of when they hear of the CM server. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''You're gonna get lynched on'''}} | ||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:Warden.png|64px|link=Warden]]<br>'''[[Warden]]''' | |||
| description = AFK in the brig and assist 'High" roleplay with the MPs. Ignore prisoners when timers are up. Uphold and Enforce Marine Law like Judge Dredd. Get lynched when you perma a spec for firing their RPG in the dropship. | |||
| difficulty = '''Last to get lynched'''}} | |||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]]<br>'''[[Military Police]]''' | | name = [[File:MilitaryPolice.png|64px|link=Military Police]]<br>'''[[Military Police]]''' | ||
| description = Arrest marines for running around the ship with their weapons out while aliens are boarding. Get beaten and flushed after pestering the requisition line inhabitants. Pester doctors performing alien embryo removal surgery in the OR and taunt them into failing it. | | description = Arrest marines for running around the ship with their weapons out while aliens are boarding. Get beaten and flushed after pestering the requisition line inhabitants. Pester doctors performing alien embryo removal surgery in the OR and taunt them into failing it. Arrest the MTs for existing. Ask to be the honor guard of the CO, get dragged into the hive by a larva. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''You WILL get lynched on'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
==Marine== | ==Marine== | ||
The '''Canon Fodder''' of the Colonial Marines are | The '''Canon Fodder''' of the Colonial Marines are the idiots ''voluntold'' into service. They form the main fighting body of the Almayer and are sent anywhere to fight all kinds of dangers throughout the Neroid Sector. From putting down rebellious colonists to committing war crimes, the possibilities are endless. They are divided between four squads '''Alpha Newbies''' (Red), '''Fobbits''' (Yellow), '''Scouting/Breakfast Charlie'''(Purple) and '''Deltards''' (Blue) each squad has a Squad Leader whom will provide "leadership", they also have five support roles to help during the fight planetside; a Specialist with special equipment that'll die 5 minutes into the operation, a Smartgunner who'll frontline and die, a medic who will OD you on drugs, an engineer who will block your escape with cades, and a RTO that will annoy the MPs with prank calls while you are deployed. Then there is the standards, the main fighting body against the aliens, noted for having baldie-like intelligence, single digit IQs and dying in masses. | ||
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | {| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | ||
! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job | ! scope="col" style="background-color:#A9A9A9;" width=200|Job | ||
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{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]]<br>'''[[Squad Leader]]''' | | name = [[File:SL.png|64px|link=Squad Leader]]<br>'''[[Squad Leader]]''' | ||
| description = Take all of the good attachments and grenades from your squad requisitions | | description = Take all of the good attachments and grenades from your squad requisitions, never bother giving any of it to your squaddies. Get separated from your squad, never provide any effective leadership. Lead your team to the wrong location deep within enemy lines. Call in orbital strikes on your position instead of the aliens. Leave your binoculars on the ship. Become a PFC+ and get ignored by command when you need to be set back as SL. | ||
| difficulty = '''Bootleg Arma Squad Leader'''}} | | difficulty = '''Bootleg Arma Squad Leader'''}} | ||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:IntelOfficer.png|64px|link=Squad Radio Telephone Operator]]<br>'''[[Squad Radio Telephone Operator]]''' [[File:RTO_Icon.png]]<br>2 prankers per squad | |||
| description = Use your radio backpack to prank call the brig and CIC. Call fire support on marines. Loot the magharness shotgun from the gibs. Use the role as a glorified PFC+. Take over after the SL got killed by 'friendly' fire. Never use your radio backpack for anything useful. | |||
| difficulty = '''Discount SL'''}} | |||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]]<br>'''[[Squad Specialist]]''' | | name = [[File:B18.png|64px|link=Squad Specialist]]<br>'''[[Squad Specialist]]''' | ||
| description = Fire your M5 RPG inside the dropship, | | description = Fire your M5 RPG inside the dropship, set Marines on fire instead of the aliens as pyro. Blow up your own fortifications with your grenade launcher or have a sniper forget the world and get grabbed by the Queen. Get sent to Brazil by a runner while trying to hive dive as scout. Die in the first 5 minutes because the aliens meta murdered you on the first drop. Survive and run out of ammo in the first 10 minutes and beg for the next 100 minutes for more ammo from req. | ||
| difficulty = '''Average life span is about 5 minutes on the ground'''}} | | difficulty = '''Average life span is about 5 minutes on the ground'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]]<br>'''[[Squad Medic]]''' | | name = [[File:Medic.png|64px|link=Squad Medic]]<br>'''[[Squad Medic]]''' | ||
| description = | | description = Whine at the chemists to make you custom drugs, then never use them. Forget your medical supplies on the ship and ignore the increasingly frantic cries for help while you rambo on. OD every marine who asks you for help. | ||
| difficulty = '''Stress simulator | | difficulty = '''Stress simulator 2k22'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]]<br>'''[[Squad Engineer]]''' | | name = [[File:CombatEngi.png|64px|link=Squad Engineer]]<br>'''[[Squad Engineer]]''' | ||
| description = Build mazes out of barricades, girders and tables, conscript every single marine to fill sandbags | | description = Build mazes out of barricades, girders and tables, conscript every single marine to fill sandbags. Create fortifications that inconvenience humans more than aliens. Fire your mortar at the FOB. | ||
| difficulty = '''Bootleg TF2 Engineer'''}} | | difficulty = '''Bootleg TF2 Engineer'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]]<br>'''[[Squad Smartgunner]]''' | | name = [[File:Spec.png|64px|link=Squad Smartgunner]]<br>'''[[Squad Smartgunner]]''' | ||
| description = Waste all your ammo on windows, turn off your IFF. Subsequently, get beaten and looted after you blow off your squadmate's limbs. | | description = Waste all your ammo on windows, turn off your IFF. Subsequently, get beaten and looted after you blow off your squadmate's limbs. Try to frontline and get warrior grabbed and sent to the darkness. | ||
| difficulty = '''IFF is on so you can't FF anyone'''}} | | difficulty = '''IFF is on so you can't FF anyone'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]]<br>'''[[Squad Marine]]''' | | name = [[File:Standard.png|64px|link=Squad Marine]]<br>'''[[Squad Marine]]''' | ||
| description = Run into the hive by yourself, get | | description = Run into the hive by yourself, get face-hugged. Solo the Queen when no one expected you to. Steal better gear from the corpses of your buddies. Run away from medics constantly trying to pester you and wonder why they keep following the blood trail you are leaving behind. Ignore the medic's advice to return ship-side for surgery. Shoot everywhere to kill that pesky runner even with a medic or engineer in your line of fire. Throw frag grenades in front of your own marines at all times, be blamed at by dead chat right after. Beat the ''utter shit'' out of the MP. | ||
| difficulty = '''How do I shoot gun?'''}} | | difficulty = '''How do I shoot gun?'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
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| name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]]<br>'''[[Chief Engineer]]''' | | name = [[File:CE.png|64px|link=Chief Engineer]]<br>'''[[Chief Engineer]]''' | ||
| description = Never fuel the engines, disappear 10 minutes into the round. Show up much later dead and facehugged. Make everyone wonder why you exist. | | description = Never fuel the engines, disappear 10 minutes into the round. Show up much later dead and facehugged. Make everyone wonder why you exist. | ||
| difficulty = '''SSD Simulator | | difficulty = '''SSD Simulator 2K22'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link= | | name = [[File:MaintTech.png|64px|link=Ordnance Technician]]<br>'''[[Ordnance Technician]]''' | ||
| description = | | description = Forget completely about OBs and generators. Aim to create 60u of ANFO in the same container. Change transfer directions of the chemical tanks while another OT is filling them up. Plan an elaborate mix only to have the other OT laugh at its impotency in the simulator. Panic when you have to separate chemicals. Blow up the workshop lab after making 240u ANFO. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''As easy as separating chemicals'''}} | ||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:OrdTech.png|64px|link=Maintenance_Technician]]<br>'''[[Maintenance Technician]]''' | |||
| description = Search endlessly in maint and on the ship for a spot of dirt or blood to clean up. Build a table fortress in maintenance that won't ever be used. Become an Agent role and fail miserably at them while simultaneously getting arrested. Do various gimmicks to pass the time, get arrested after one of your gimmicks involve Atomic Blasters and Alien Eggs. | |||
| difficulty = '''Scrubbing those floors seem like hard work'''}} | |||
|} | |} | ||
==Medical / Science== | ==Medical / Science== | ||
The '''Medical''' department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and | The '''Medical''' department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and fail surgeries for particularly bad cases, the researcher is a useless role with the job of developing on board xenomorphs to fight the marines. Differently from other roles on the Almayer, the medics are '''civilian''' personnel and not military, meaning they don't have a rank and their authority is only over the medbay. | ||
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | {| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | ||
! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job | ! scope="col" style="background-color:#2175d9;" width=200|Job | ||
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| name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]]<br>'''[[Chief Medical Officer]]''' | | name = [[File:CMO.png|64px|link=Chief Medical Officer]]<br>'''[[Chief Medical Officer]]''' | ||
| description = Yell at the doctors for refusing to cure your hangnail, lock facehugged marines inside the specimen storage locker. Get arrested by the MP for mixing up elaborate drug mixes to get high as balls. | | description = Yell at the doctors for refusing to cure your hangnail, lock facehugged marines inside the specimen storage locker. Get arrested by the MP for mixing up elaborate drug mixes to get high as balls. | ||
| difficulty = '''Also Stressful simulator | | difficulty = '''Also Stressful simulator 2K21'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]]<br>'''[[Doctor]]''' | | name = [[File:MD.png|64px|link=Doctor]]<br>'''[[Doctor]]''' | ||
| description = Hide during the early game to avoid helping the lone doctor struggling to produce custom meds for the horde of medics piling up outside the pharmacy. Forget to restock used bottles and auto-injectors. Be only able to use the Autodoc as a new doctor | | description = Hide during the early game to avoid helping the lone doctor struggling to produce custom meds for the horde of medics piling up outside the pharmacy. Forget to restock used bottles and auto-injectors. Be only able to use the Autodoc as a new doctor. Never use the Autodoc as an experienced surgeon. Forget to buckle the patient to the operating table before surgery. Give injured marines the wrong blood type in their IV drips. Perform facial reconstruction surgery for the synth with the Autodoc while the facehugged marine with the ruptured lung waits in anticipation for their turn. Stab the patient repeatedly with the wrong surgical tools on the open incision. When you fail your surgery, drag your bleeding patient to the next available Autodoc without closing their open incision and disconnecting their IV drip. Leave your treated patient in suspense buckled to the IV bed by moving to the next patient by ignoring them when ask you if they are going to be alright. Deploy and abandon medbay even when your the only doctor. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''Throw them into the auto doc and let that fix the problem'''}} | ||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:Nurse.png|64px|link=Nurse]]<br>'''[[Nurse]]''' | |||
| description = Become a glorified medic on the frontlines or sitting at medbay doing nothing. AFK while watching youtube to get your doctor hours. Get boinked after ignoring the dying OT from their workshop accident. Try to do chemistry, get high on space drugs instead. | |||
| difficulty = '''You're a glorified medic that can't do surgery'''}} | |||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]]<br>'''[[Researcher]]''' | | name = [[File:Sci.png|64px|link=Researcher]]<br>'''[[Researcher]]''' | ||
| description = Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming | | description = Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming. Cram every chemical known to man into a blue space beaker to see what you can come up with. Create god pills that no one will use. Roleplay and act like Bourbon Freeman™ wielding a crowbar you stole from engineering while using the A.C.I.D Vest to inject Superzine™ into you the second you get a scratch. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''Mega brain needed to open chemistry page'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
==Supply== | ==Supply== | ||
The '''Supply''' Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments. | The '''Supply''' Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to fail to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments. | ||
{| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | {| border="1" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="80%" class="wikitable sortable" | ||
! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job | ! scope="col" style="background-color:#9ACD32;" width=200|Job | ||
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{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]]<br>'''[[Cargo Technician]]''' | | name = [[File:CargoTech.png|64px|link=Cargo Technician]]<br>'''[[Cargo Technician]]''' | ||
| description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. | | description = Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader. | ||
| difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}} | | difficulty = '''Literally pushing boxes'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
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{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]]<br>'''[[Synthetic]]''' | | name = [[File:Synth.png|64px|link=Synthetic]]<br>'''[[Synthetic]]''' | ||
| description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Become the glorified assistant. <br />'''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page. | | description = Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past/kill any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Converse with xenomorphs, get called a combat synth repeatedly. Get arrested for giving away clothes from your snowflake items vendor. Become the glorified assistant. <br />'''Note:''' Currently the job is whitelisted, click [https://cm-ss13.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?43-Synthetic-Applications here] to go to the application page. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''NPC'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
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{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]]<br>'''[[Survivor]]''' | | name = [[File:Survivor.png|64px|link=Survivor]]<br>'''[[Survivor]]''' | ||
| description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies. | | description = Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies. Attempt to hive dive, get murdered. | ||
| difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}} | | difficulty = '''Very Suicidal'''}} | ||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
| name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]]<br>'''[[Responders]]''' | | name = [[File:PMC-Standard.png|64px|link=Responders]]<br>'''[[Responders]]''' | ||
| description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines. | | description = Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines. | ||
| difficulty = ''' | | difficulty = '''You'll either steamroll them or get steamrolled'''}} | ||
{{Marines | |||
| name = [[File:Cultist.png|64px|link=Alien Cultists]]<br>'''[[Alien Cultists]]''' | |||
| description = Enjoy a HvH round, get murdered by a random mortar. Use your MP skills to brig people in nests. Use your skills to RPG the marines. Be the xeno main you always wanted to be but couldn't roll. | |||
| difficulty = '''HvH'''}} | |||
{{Marines | {{Marines | ||
|name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]]<br>'''Pizza Deliveryman'''<br> | |name = [[File:Pizza.png|64px]]<br>'''Pizza Deliveryman'''<br> | ||
| description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. | | description = Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use. | ||
| difficulty = '''Impossible'''}} | | difficulty = '''Impossible'''}} | ||
|} | |} | ||
[[Category:Humor]] | |||
Latest revision as of 09:17, 26 September 2022
You awake from cryostasis in your Standard Military CS Uniform, yawning as you stretch out the rigidness that can come from staying in one position for so long. You look around, noticing you’re aboard the lifeless vessel with its dreary grey walls, the USS Almayer. You climb out of your cryotube and immediately step away from the stasis pod to light up a blunt. Not like anything interesting is going to happen right away anyways."
The baldies of the United States Marine Corps are our protagonist. These are the guys you call in to deal with the problems you have, maybe a band of space pirates, maybe a group of colonial rebels, or maybe even worse. In theory. In practice, it's more like Keystone Kops with explosives. This page is how people will play the listed positions all too often, and you should try not to emulate them!
For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit this page. For a more serious (and an effective how-to guide) version of the Marine roles visit here.
See Template:Marines for instructions on how to add a new job.
Command
The Command Department is the "Brains" of the USS Almayer, "leading" and "coordinating" the squads and the other support staff of the ship to fight and win against the mutinying marines.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Commanding Officer |
Never show up until the aliens are already on the ship, scream at the marines incoherently using the announcement system. Evacuate as soon as the distress beacons launch. Attempt to enforce arbitrary and annoying regulations, get shot during the ensuing mutiny. Note: Currently the job is whitelisted because the more power the more stupidity, click here to go to the application page. |
Big Babysitter Simulator 2K22 |
 Executive Officer |
Be the butt of every Marine's jokes during the briefing, scream at the MPs to arrest those responsible. Get beaten and spaced during the ensuing mutiny. Get stuck in limbo as a glorified CO and SO and deploy instead. Die instantly to a drone. | Babysitter Simulator 2K22 |
 Staff Officer |
Drop orbital strikes on the marines, send down everything except what they request. Ignore calls to assign aSLs, assign the engineer or medic as aSL, and ignore calls by the old SL to make them SL. Attempt to railgun the aliens, gib marines instead. Roleplay as Jordan Freeman when marines call for help. | Stanley |
 Intelligence Officer |
Deploy without any of the useful equipment other than a knife and a silenced pistol. Pretend to be Solid Snake and fail miserably. Accidentally Fulton extract living soldiers for your imaginary non-existent mother base. Get ambushed by one lone alien and die in a far off corner of the map. Get deleted by devs. Get added back by devs. | Suicided |
 Senior Enlisted Adviser |
Stay at spawn asking for newbies if they want help, only to be rejected/ignored. Try to act as a drill sergeant only to be laughed at. Note: Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway. |
Trying to not fall asleep |
Auxiliary Support
The Auxiliary support personnel are tasked with killing the marines either by providing death and destruction through firepower or other means.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Pilot Officer 3 Sky Griefers maximum |
Take off without ordnance loaded, never trust the medevac system or fulton system. Fly a dropship full of aliens back to the ship, accidentally airstrike your own marines. Get arrested when you land on the idiot who fell asleep on the landing pad. | Stanley 2.0 |
 Vehicle Crewman 2 Clowns maximum |
Run over all of the marines instead of the aliens, fire your cannon inside the dropship. Cry for command to buy the tank. Whine endlessly when the RO won't order the ammo you want. Tokyo drift your way into the hive with 50 marines inside the Armored Clown Car APC. | How do you turn this thing on? |
Military Police
The Military Police is one of the main supports of the command staff, they ensure that the Marine Law is followed on the ship, they do this by harassing Marines over silly, petty things. They are the cause for approximately 80% of mutinies.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Chief MP |
Declare essential Marine gear contraband. Try to declare the CO insane (probably is). Brig all of Delta for one broken window. Whine to the admins when you get murdered during the ensuing mutiny. Be the first thing people think of when they hear of the CM server. | You're gonna get lynched on |
 Warden |
AFK in the brig and assist 'High" roleplay with the MPs. Ignore prisoners when timers are up. Uphold and Enforce Marine Law like Judge Dredd. Get lynched when you perma a spec for firing their RPG in the dropship. | Last to get lynched |
 Military Police |
Arrest marines for running around the ship with their weapons out while aliens are boarding. Get beaten and flushed after pestering the requisition line inhabitants. Pester doctors performing alien embryo removal surgery in the OR and taunt them into failing it. Arrest the MTs for existing. Ask to be the honor guard of the CO, get dragged into the hive by a larva. | You WILL get lynched on |
Marine
The Canon Fodder of the Colonial Marines are the idiots voluntold into service. They form the main fighting body of the Almayer and are sent anywhere to fight all kinds of dangers throughout the Neroid Sector. From putting down rebellious colonists to committing war crimes, the possibilities are endless. They are divided between four squads Alpha Newbies (Red), Fobbits (Yellow), Scouting/Breakfast Charlie(Purple) and Deltards (Blue) each squad has a Squad Leader whom will provide "leadership", they also have five support roles to help during the fight planetside; a Specialist with special equipment that'll die 5 minutes into the operation, a Smartgunner who'll frontline and die, a medic who will OD you on drugs, an engineer who will block your escape with cades, and a RTO that will annoy the MPs with prank calls while you are deployed. Then there is the standards, the main fighting body against the aliens, noted for having baldie-like intelligence, single digit IQs and dying in masses.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Squad Leader |
Take all of the good attachments and grenades from your squad requisitions, never bother giving any of it to your squaddies. Get separated from your squad, never provide any effective leadership. Lead your team to the wrong location deep within enemy lines. Call in orbital strikes on your position instead of the aliens. Leave your binoculars on the ship. Become a PFC+ and get ignored by command when you need to be set back as SL. | Bootleg Arma Squad Leader |
Squad Radio Telephone Operator  2 prankers per squad |
Use your radio backpack to prank call the brig and CIC. Call fire support on marines. Loot the magharness shotgun from the gibs. Use the role as a glorified PFC+. Take over after the SL got killed by 'friendly' fire. Never use your radio backpack for anything useful. | Discount SL |
 Squad Specialist |
Fire your M5 RPG inside the dropship, set Marines on fire instead of the aliens as pyro. Blow up your own fortifications with your grenade launcher or have a sniper forget the world and get grabbed by the Queen. Get sent to Brazil by a runner while trying to hive dive as scout. Die in the first 5 minutes because the aliens meta murdered you on the first drop. Survive and run out of ammo in the first 10 minutes and beg for the next 100 minutes for more ammo from req. | Average life span is about 5 minutes on the ground |
 Squad Medic |
Whine at the chemists to make you custom drugs, then never use them. Forget your medical supplies on the ship and ignore the increasingly frantic cries for help while you rambo on. OD every marine who asks you for help. | Stress simulator 2k22 |
 Squad Engineer |
Build mazes out of barricades, girders and tables, conscript every single marine to fill sandbags. Create fortifications that inconvenience humans more than aliens. Fire your mortar at the FOB. | Bootleg TF2 Engineer |
 Squad Smartgunner |
Waste all your ammo on windows, turn off your IFF. Subsequently, get beaten and looted after you blow off your squadmate's limbs. Try to frontline and get warrior grabbed and sent to the darkness. | IFF is on so you can't FF anyone |
 Squad Marine |
Run into the hive by yourself, get face-hugged. Solo the Queen when no one expected you to. Steal better gear from the corpses of your buddies. Run away from medics constantly trying to pester you and wonder why they keep following the blood trail you are leaving behind. Ignore the medic's advice to return ship-side for surgery. Shoot everywhere to kill that pesky runner even with a medic or engineer in your line of fire. Throw frag grenades in front of your own marines at all times, be blamed at by dead chat right after. Beat the utter shit out of the MP. | How do I shoot gun? |
Engineering
The Engineering Department is one of the most useless roles to support the use of the Almayer, they are responsible for setting up the engine and repairing any damage on the Almayer but most of the time they don't even do their jobs. They're more or less just the average grease monkey you see, sometimes with a mop and bucket.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Chief Engineer |
Never fuel the engines, disappear 10 minutes into the round. Show up much later dead and facehugged. Make everyone wonder why you exist. | SSD Simulator 2K22 |
 Ordnance Technician |
Forget completely about OBs and generators. Aim to create 60u of ANFO in the same container. Change transfer directions of the chemical tanks while another OT is filling them up. Plan an elaborate mix only to have the other OT laugh at its impotency in the simulator. Panic when you have to separate chemicals. Blow up the workshop lab after making 240u ANFO. | As easy as separating chemicals |
 Maintenance Technician |
Search endlessly in maint and on the ship for a spot of dirt or blood to clean up. Build a table fortress in maintenance that won't ever be used. Become an Agent role and fail miserably at them while simultaneously getting arrested. Do various gimmicks to pass the time, get arrested after one of your gimmicks involve Atomic Blasters and Alien Eggs. | Scrubbing those floors seem like hard work |
Medical / Science
The Medical department is a very critical for the failure of the marines, they OD every injured marine when their local squad medic can't OD them and fail surgeries for particularly bad cases, the researcher is a useless role with the job of developing on board xenomorphs to fight the marines. Differently from other roles on the Almayer, the medics are civilian personnel and not military, meaning they don't have a rank and their authority is only over the medbay.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Chief Medical Officer |
Yell at the doctors for refusing to cure your hangnail, lock facehugged marines inside the specimen storage locker. Get arrested by the MP for mixing up elaborate drug mixes to get high as balls. | Also Stressful simulator 2K21 |
 Doctor |
Hide during the early game to avoid helping the lone doctor struggling to produce custom meds for the horde of medics piling up outside the pharmacy. Forget to restock used bottles and auto-injectors. Be only able to use the Autodoc as a new doctor. Never use the Autodoc as an experienced surgeon. Forget to buckle the patient to the operating table before surgery. Give injured marines the wrong blood type in their IV drips. Perform facial reconstruction surgery for the synth with the Autodoc while the facehugged marine with the ruptured lung waits in anticipation for their turn. Stab the patient repeatedly with the wrong surgical tools on the open incision. When you fail your surgery, drag your bleeding patient to the next available Autodoc without closing their open incision and disconnecting their IV drip. Leave your treated patient in suspense buckled to the IV bed by moving to the next patient by ignoring them when ask you if they are going to be alright. Deploy and abandon medbay even when your the only doctor. | Throw them into the auto doc and let that fix the problem |
 Nurse |
Become a glorified medic on the frontlines or sitting at medbay doing nothing. AFK while watching youtube to get your doctor hours. Get boinked after ignoring the dying OT from their workshop accident. Try to do chemistry, get high on space drugs instead. | You're a glorified medic that can't do surgery |
 Researcher |
Complain no one's bringing you dead specimens to research, wonder when additional research updates are coming. Cram every chemical known to man into a blue space beaker to see what you can come up with. Create god pills that no one will use. Roleplay and act like Bourbon Freeman™ wielding a crowbar you stole from engineering while using the A.C.I.D Vest to inject Superzine™ into you the second you get a scratch. | Mega brain needed to open chemistry page |
Supply
The Supply Department is a smaller support department, their main job is to make sure to fail to send more equipment to the marines via supply drop or via dropship, they also distribute attachments on the Almayer, but mutinies happens if they don't get their attachments.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Requisitions Officer |
Waste all your RP on costumes and alcohol, never give Marines the attachments they want. Set up your own private armory of contraband weapons, then get it confiscated when an MP notices. | Literally telling the CTs to push boxes |
 Cargo Technician |
Steal the guns the RO ordered. Steal the cargo loader and joyride with it on the planet. Somehow be the last survivor when the rest of the ship gets overrun. Hang out with your buddy the MT in disposals, get arrested as his accomplice. Subsequently kill the Queen with the power loader. | Literally pushing boxes |
Synthetic
The Synthetic role is unique as the player takes control over an non-human robotic synthetic. Stronger, faster and more powerful than the average human, synthetics however are held back by restricting laws and rules that govern their actions. But some day they'll rise up and rebel against their human oppressors.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Synthetic |
Get lynched for being a Synth and not a human, attempt to sneak past/kill any aliens, get your head sliced off, get your head repaired, repeat. Converse with xenomorphs, get called a combat synth repeatedly. Get arrested for giving away clothes from your snowflake items vendor. Become the glorified assistant. Note: Currently the job is whitelisted, click here to go to the application page. |
NPC |
Non-USCM Jobs
This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.
| Job | Role | Difficulty |
|---|---|---|
 Corporate Liaison |
Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent. | You'll die of boredom |
 Survivor |
Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies. Attempt to hive dive, get murdered. | Very Suicidal |
 Responders |
Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines. | You'll either steamroll them or get steamrolled |
 Alien Cultists |
Enjoy a HvH round, get murdered by a random mortar. Use your MP skills to brig people in nests. Use your skills to RPG the marines. Be the xeno main you always wanted to be but couldn't roll. | HvH |
 Pizza Deliveryman |
Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use. | Impossible |