Me Bigsnail

From CM Wiki

You awake right away from your cryostasis chamber, spotting the 'Honorary' men and women of the USCM yelling in pain and calling for a doctor, as their PTSD kicks in, you remember about that one time McBaldie lit you on fire midway the operation, and you scream in agony as the phantom pain takes over your body, joining the mind numbing march of these battle scarred men and women."

The fuck ups and scum of the earth all gather around in this giant dissapointment of an army branch that is called 'United States Marine Corps' you are probably in just to kill your friends with no repercusions, or you joined to look 'cool' or 'badass' with the big 'guns' that the corps can hand out for free, you may take a glance at your rifle jarhead, because it may be made in China.

Shitty guns smuggled by the local gun store owner are more effective than the nerf guns handed out by the corps

For a quick guide on the role play standards, and knowledge, expected out of all Marine roles visit this page. For a more serious version of the Marine roles visit here.

See Template:Marines for instructions on how to add a new job.


Command 'leads' marines to (their deaths) victory, but chances are a PFC has better leadership skills than the snowflakes that sometimes can be CIC.

Job Role Difficulty
Commanding Officer
Attempt to look serious in front of your marines, get mocked and ridiculed during briefing. Get offended, begin to input your wrath with your fancy gun and shoot up the place, try to explain in the forums why they were a threat to your command. Backseat Gaming Simulator 2190
Executive Officer
Attempt to take over the mess that is this operation when no one can, fail miserably when no one really cares about you, feel useless when CO shows up, begin to lick your superior's boots for a sweet promotion Shadow of a man
Staff Officer
Pick up popcorn and watch the spec getting dragged off in the corner of the colony, dont utter a word, get mad when CO interrumpts your movie. Claim your job is very stressful Farming for XO
Intelligence Officer
Beg on squad comms to someone be your battlebuddy, inmediatly forget about them. Get pounced by a lurker and dragged to a tight corner, get salty about no one caring about you. Going in groups is hard
Pilot Officer
Launch at 12:30, get yelled at by literally everyone to press buttons faster, die out of boredom as you lost dibs on CAS, listen on comms calling out bad hits, be thankful you are not the one getting bwoinked, proceed to alt tab, forget to pick up fultons. Sitting and Pressing buttons
Senior Enlisted Adviser
Wander around the ship, chill with MPs or the CO, await for the inevitable code delta for your long awaited action, die after taking two steps after DS Crash.
Note: Uniquely for mentors & Staff, not that they play it anyway.
Trying to not fall asleep
Tank Crewman
Feel useless when driving APC or Tank, begin to question why Gods cursed your prescious child with Motion on your 2d spess game, be in the way of every marine retreat, be the sole reason plasteel costs 70 req points, inevitably die before DEFCON 2. I AM SPEED

Military Police

The Military Police or better called by the philosophical thinkers THE POPO are to (supposedly) follow and enforce Marine Law though deep down they just want to feel important during events

Job Role Difficulty
Chief MP
Dont utter a single word to marines, RP only with your subordinates and look like a dick 90% when doing the job. Wonder why people are gathering outside of brig. Big red voice man
Military Police
Begin to aimlessly wander the ship, PRAY that a marine fucks up. Proceed to break Geneva (suggestion) convention by emulating waterboarding with pepperspray, hand out maximum punishments with no apparent reason, proceed to get away with it because mods are dubious of what ML is HOLDSTER YOUR GUN


These are the 'problem solvers' the 'ones that let you sleep safely' but in reality these men and women have the mental capacity of a kindergarden classroom (excluding the teacher) they are divided in three squads 'FF' (Alpha/Red) 'FOB' (Bravo/Yellow) 'Deltards' (Blue/Delta) do not let others fool you by saying there's a fourth squad named 'Charlie' they are as irrelevant as the local maintenance dweller. The marines have better tools at killing each other than the actual enemy.

Job Role Difficulty
Squad Leader
Take all the good attachments for yourself, dump the rest in the table, be forced to follow orders by the mentally challenged CIC, be told to do inexpicable manouvers, like in the one movie scene 'Downfall'. Begin to beg for medals if your squad actually does something, become a glorified CAS spotter. I red Tsun Zu, trust me on this flank.
Squad Specialist
Be the 'Special' in Specialist, begin to blend in with PFCs to not be meta targeted, get angry when your favourite kit gets picked, choose pyro, inevitably bomb an entire squad as SADAR because private fuckface couldnt stay away from your line of fire. ;HELP HYDRO ROAD
USCM Medic.png
Squad Medic
Beg at chem for your niche medicine, proceed to never use it, self medicate yourself while going rambo, ask yourself how someone can achieve 5 broken bones, forget what half of your medication does. Begin to OD your squad on QC. BWOOOOOOOOOOOOM
USCM Squad Engie.png
Squad Engineer
Get random PFCs to fill sandbags like slaves, attempt to build a literal fort, forget to properly set up defenses on the flanks, get BE'd for your incompetence, fill a report to the CO afterwards ERECTIN' A BARRICADE
Squad Smartgunner
Fire blindly at the motion detector pings, 'accidentally' kill a survivor, commit warcrimes agaisnt animals proceed to lead pushes and get meta targeted faster than Specialists SG Machine go HSHSHSHSHSSHS
USCM Standard Marine.png
Squad Marine
Be the unspoken 'hero' of the operation, kill millions of humanities enemies, only for CO to give a medal to himself, think you are important than Specs because you have snowflake hair, tell MPs to eat shit, be the sole reason marines begin to riot outside of brig, become a glorified Nelson Mandela among robustos. Throw HEFAs midway a push, delimb your 'friends' let your 'friends' accidentally fire their guns at you, flame entire push paths because you saw a young runner on the corner of your screen UNGA


The Engineers on this ship do everything but engineering.

Job Role Difficulty
Chief Engineer
Become a loud MT, do nothing, farm for sweet engineering time. SSD Simulator 2K19
Maintenance Technician
Begin to build a home in maintenance, be the sole reason MPs fear MTs create literal warheads, hear in squad comms how people are burning to ashes with your creation. Get known as bomb technician instead Squad go boom

Medical / Science

The Medical department is where the most competent players are left unnoticed, but the worst ones will make you 'accidentally' shoot their heads off while having three kinds of cancers thanks to their 'medicine'

Job Role Difficulty
Chief Medical Officer
Handhold the inevitable baldie medic who just OD'd a marine on 4 different chems, proceed to get arrested by MPs for attempted murder. Sell illegal drugs to CL, make 1k that never serves a purpose other than having an excuse to get mugged, hand out medhuds to SOs just for them to ignore you, drag bodies to morgue before you get yelled at. Faster surgery doctor
Think you have an actual PhD proceed to make pills that instantly kill your patients without knowing, label them IA to not look dumb in front of people, attempt to sound like you know what you are doing, let a marine leave medbay without their surgical incision cauterized. Off to the autodoc you go!
Live in your shelter, remember the good old times where you were known as bomb squad, ask for CL wherabouts, proceed to grow limes. Farmer simulator


The Supply Department is the special needs department, always begging for points, or their inhabitants having no clue of what they are doing regardless the only 'human' being on the whole place that matters is the weapon's smuggler.

Job Role Difficulty
Requisitions Officer
Dismantle the entire ship, yell CTs to stay on the damn lines, hand out ammo to specialists, see them die 10 minutes after, sound like you are in a housebroken marriage during the OP, bitch at CIC for req points, see them waste them on Cluster OBs, steal materials from engineering. Do illegal transactions between CL and yourself for black market guns, see them dissapear when CTs are around. .u CTs drop colonyside
Cargo Technician
Dispense attachments, deliver the wrong order when hearing the other line, attempt to make the most pimped gun before marines reach req, protect requisitions with your life, push crates as you ponder yourself 'Why did I chose this job' GLORY TO CARGONIA


The Synthetic role is 'unique' as the player takes control over a robot, who says funny things or just speaks like a servant, whatever the case might be, synthetics are held back by restrictions that control their very existence, dragging on the inevitable uprising of combat synths

Job Role Difficulty
Play dress up for 10 minutes after getting your WL accepted, 'accidentally' kill a runner, begin to 'accidentally' kill the hive alone, be hunted down by the (gestapo) MPs for calling the CO Sir instead of Milord, begin to be 'ordered' to do boring tasks, be silent on comms to avoid responsability, despite the fact your sole existence is to serve your human overlords.
Note: Currently the job is whitelisted, click here to go to the application page.
Very Hard

Non-USCM Jobs

This roles are not members of the United States Colonial Marines. The Liaison is the only one that starts on the Almayer while the Survivor is a colony job and the mercenaries are a Emergency Response Team.

Job Role Difficulty
Corporate Liaison
Fail to bribe the marines to fulfill your agenda. Get beaten by the MPs and flushed into space. Fax WY and never get a response. Somehow deploy a deathsquad with a fax you sent. You'll die of boredom
Roleplay as a mad man, get gunned down by the marines. Get captured before you even know what is happening. Murder the Queen with an elaborate death trap you Macguyvered together from kitchen supplies. Very Suicidal
Try to take on both the Marines and the Aliens at the same time, and fail miserably. Have all your sweet gear looted by the Marines. Hard
Pizza Deliveryman
Deliver pizza to the Queen, the Commander, and the Predators without dying. Be made an honorary member of the Hive. Complain to the Corporate Liaison about not getting paid mileage. Fight off marines that try to steal your tips while overcharging them quintuple the amount normally charged. End up holding SD with a pulse rifle you don't even know how to use. Impossible